Life, Once Again!

-You won’t miss a clue, will you?

The masked man said.

-I slipped up a couple times after missing them. You know, assistant manager Han, just turn a blind eye to it. You just need to let it flow by this time. If I knew that not listening to those words would be the end of me, I would have stayed still. Whether it was obstinacy, faith, a sense of justice, or even the mindset of youth, this is what I had on my mind when I just quit that place: Ah, I threw myself into a shithole.

He endured each day by looking forward to the weekend, endured a month by waiting for his salary, and endured a year hoping that he would get promoted. Perhaps it was because he became frustrated with that life that he became a whistle-blower. The president’s son embezzled money – had he not said that one line out loud, he might still be wrestling with numbers and not driving buses. Though, as a result of leaving his company, he got a chance to live another life.

-But didn’t you feel happy when the president’s son was fired from the company as a punishment? You got him good.

-How do you know that?

-Because I share your memories.

-Now that’s very unfair. I don’t know anything about you.

-Was the world ever fair?

After hearing the masked man’s words, Maru burst out laughing.

-Right, right. The world was never fair. I was being foolish for a moment.

Maru wiped his mouth. He liked this masked man even though the only interaction he had with him was meeting him face to face a couple times. He was reminded of when he was having a talk about life over a drink and some grilled pork belly with a very close friend. The feeling of liberation from a smooth conversation as well as the informality of laughing together without restraint.

-I shouldn’t have stopped and should have tried to sue him, but I was too scared and wasn’t able to go that far. Now that I look back, I was a rather incompetent father. I had a family to feed at home, yet I ended up whistle blowing without being able to hold back. Perhaps I should’ve acted shamelessly and stuck to the company while the president hadn’t processed my letter of resignation yet. Many things might have turned out differently if I desperately kept clinging onto it even after a friend of mine told me that he would introduce me to a bus driving job.

-Do you regret living your life again?

-Regret? There’s no way I’d feel regret when I got another chance. It’s just that it’s such a pity. I feel extremely apologetic. Did you know? In the world I died, my wife is living by herself. Fortunately, I did have life insurance so she shouldn’t be living a financially difficult life.

-Did you not have any children?

-Children? Children, huh. Now that I think about it, I didn’t have any children.

-Not having any children at 45 is rather peculiar. Were you afraid of having children?

-It’s not like that. It just turned out that way. Isn’t it common to have a late child in a household that’s busy with work?

-But forty-five is still late.

-I guess that is true too.

-Why did you not have any children?

-Why do you want to know that so much?

-There’s no reason for curiosity is there? I’m just curious because I don’t know. Usually, around that age, it’s the children that brings the family together to the point that some say that they aren’t getting a divorce purely because of their children. Was it your wife who didn’t want to have children, perhaps?

-No, it wasn’t like that.

-Then perhaps there was a problem with you. If you were having a hard time getting her pregnant, perhaps you should’ve considered the possibility that you had aspermia.

Maru glared at the masked man. He felt like the masked man was smiling under that plastic-looking mask.

-You said you share my memories, so why don’t you look into why I didn’t have any kids?

-Just because I share your memories doesn’t mean that I know everything.

-How peculiar. You know the reason I quit my job, but you don’t know the reason I didn’t have kids. Which one am I supposed to trust? Do you know what I’m thinking right now?

-You must be thinking that I’m playing with words.

-There you have it. Looks like your thought process is similar to mine. Did you get influenced by me because you had a look at my memories?

-I wouldn’t be so sure.

-Asking about my family matters, no my children problems is making me feel suspicious of you. I feel like you’re even obstinate about it.

-I just can’t hold back my curiosities, that’s all.

-Why don’t you try to deduce it with that good head of yours? About why I didn’t have any children even when I was forty-five.

-Well, that’s not my job, but yours, is it not?

-My job?

-Don’t take it badly and think about it deeply. Why did you not have any children? No, why do you believe that you didn’t have any children?

-Your words are pretty strange. It’s not that I believe that I didn’t have kids, it’s that I did not. I don’t have to believe whether I didn’t have kids or not. I just didn’t have any.

-Do you really think so?

What close friend. It was all a momentary misunderstanding. The man in front of him was like mud, sticky, and unremovable. Just when he thought that he washed the mud away, there would be some left behind his ears, and below his armpits. What kind of an answer did this guy want? What was this masked man trying to get from this conversation? In order to solve that question, he felt like he needed to find out the identity of this man first.

-Let me ask you a question too then. Just who the hell are you? No, are you even a person? Why are you inside me?

-You said ‘a’ question, and you managed to ask three.

-They’re all similar questions, so think of them as one.

-I don’t like half-assed negotiations like this.

-With that logic, you are no better since you’re the only one asking questions without showing anything in this ‘negotiation’, don’t you think so?

-You really haven’t changed in the way that you won’t lose a word.

-I’d like to return those words right back at you.

-You hear that you’re obstinate quite often, don’t you?

-Not as much as you, I would think.

Maru blocked one nostril with his thumb and blew his nose. A habit he had forgotten about popped out. Whether it was his speech or his appearance, he felt like his 45 year-old self was being shown without filtering in this place. Just what did this secretive stage that existed within him signify? Where did this person, who acted like the owner of it, come from, and why did he live in this place? He was sure that this was related to his second chance at life, but the reason behind his existence was a complete mystery. Did god send another resident to his body? It would’ve been great if the guy paid rent. He did not welcome a neighbor who had good skills but had a bad attitude.

-Just what are you? You keep popping up in my dreams from time to time, and there’s also the fact that you’re practically making a living inside me.

-If you’re so curious, why don’t you guess?

-Are you like this because I mocked you? If that’s the case, you’re quite narrow-minded, I must say.

-Looks like you’re getting annoyed because the conversation is not going the way you intended it to, huh?

Maru smiled bitterly. It seemed that the opponent had nothing to lose. He only asked sharp questions when asking about his children, but after that, they had been exchanging empty words until now. Since the opponent had the lead, he could only change strategies. That guy looked like he had a high pride and looked pretty smart, so he thought that he might try to make him feel unbearable by speaking nonsense.

-Are you perhaps the ghost of Chungmuro that everyone’s been talking about? The one that became a resentful ghost because you never became big?

-Do I look like one?

-If you aren’t, then don’t mind it. But why do I think that you are one? The fact that you’re hiding your face means that you want to hide something, and hiding something is something you do when you have done something that goes against your conscience, no? Dying after a pathetic life and freeloading in another person’s body, huh. That’s something that definitely goes against your conscience.

-Rather than a certain man who quit his job because he couldn’t endure a momentary insult without thinking about his family, a life that ends by drowning in dreams is not irresponsible at least.

-So you don’t plan to reveal yourself until the end?

-In the first place, there is nothing to reveal. It’s just you who doesn’t recognize.

-I don’t recognize? Don’t recognize what?

-If I was in a position to tell you all that, we would have never reached this point in the first place. Let’s stop this meaningless probing. We both won’t lose easily when it comes to a fight with words.

-What I do get is that your mouth is a force to be reckoned with. I’m not someone who loses a battle of words easily…. Oh, don’t misunderstand. That was a compliment.

-Of course I’m good at talking.

-Of course?

The masked man laughed once. That laugh seemed like his way of not answering the question.

-Hey, now that I look at you, you’re quite similar to me.

Maru uttered after a realization.

-No, it is you who is similar to me.

The masked man retorted.

-Let’s leave aside the trivial talk for later since the important thing is this, isn’t it? What will we do about acting in the future?

Finally, a conversation that was meaningful. Maru loosened the tension in his eyes. He put aside the conversation they just had. Right now, he had to have a more constructive talk with this guy.

-This right now is a bit of a special case. Originally, I only open my eyes when you act.

-Are you asleep normally?

-Rather than sleep, it’s closer to a blackout. I am not able to hear anything, see anything or feel anything. I’m trapped in stopped time until the moment you start acting which allows me to barely manage to wake up.

-Why did you not respond when I talked to you before?

-I just told you, didn’t I? This right now is a bit of a special case. Originally, we cannot meet or converse. That’s the kind of relationship we are in. We coexist and help each other, but cannot check each other’s wills. Put it simply, it’s closer to using a tool. A tool that can’t speak.

-But you can talk to me right now? Did my wooing work then?

-I guess you can say that. Honestly speaking, even I don’t know why we can converse like this. This is extremely rare.

-Extremely rare? So that means it happened before, huh?

-Stop digging into details like that. Right now, you’d be better off focusing on work and business. You don’t know how long this will last.

As soon as the man’s words ended, a crack appeared in the ceiling. The thin hair-like crack soon became wide enough to fit a foot. Bright light seeped in through the crack. It was quite a contrast to the gloomy-looking stage. Stop staying in that gloomy place – someone seemed to tell him. Maru looked at the masked man. Was this man good or evil? Beneficial or detrimental? Harmful or helpful?

-So it is time for us to part.

The masked man turned around, seemingly feeling pity. The light seeping out from the ceiling slowly formed into a hand, grabbing Maru’s arms and shoulders. Come to the right path – someone engraved that into his mind.

The moment he heard those words, Maru violently reached out and grabbed the masked man’s shoulder. The masked man became surprised and turned around.

-We’ll have to see later. Let’s have a handshake.

The strength pulling on his body became stronger. The hand of light did not seem to like Maru hanging out with this masked man. Maru resisted that force until the end and reached out. The masked man looked at him in a daze before grabbing that hand.

-See you again soon.

-Alright, cocky guy.

-You are no less cocky yourself.

At the moment he shook hands, his eyes opened. He could see the monitor that went into sleep mode and the book that he opened. It was dark outside, and the clock was showing 2 o’clock.

“I really don’t like this roommate.”

Maru looked down at his right hand. The sensation from the hand he grabbed still remained. The rough hand. Unlike his skinny body, his hand was that of a laborer’s. It was also a hand that was very similar to his own.