Life, Once Again!

“I want to visit too.”

“Now is not a good time. I’ll definitely bring you if I have the chance, though.”

Bada smiled, telling Gaeul that she had to keep her promises.

“How are classes?”

Maru was peeling an apple with a fruit knife. The peels were so thin that light passed right through them. Bada said that it was one of her brother’s few specialties.

“I’m trying my best not to lag behind.”

“Is it hard?”

“I can’t really say whether it’s easy or difficult. The assignments that the teacher gives me are definitely simple things, but I have to think about a lot of things when I do them. I can just take it easy and take a break, but I keep holding onto them because I find something lacking.”

“It doesn’t sound boring at least. That sounds good.”

“I don’t have any time to get bored. I can’t say it’s fun all the time, but I’ve never felt like I am wasting my time. I think teacher sees what’s lacking in me.”

“Sounds like a good person. Here, take this.”

Maru forked a slice of apple and gave it to her. After being surprised due to the surprisingly smooth exterior, Gaeul put it in her mouth. Maru probably would’ve done well even if he chose cooking as his career. Bada ate the apples lying down and ended up coughing before sitting up. That was immediately after Maru told her that she would become a cow if she ate lying down. Gaeul smiled and put the rest of the apple in her mouth. The apple crumbled with a pleasant crunch. Had she ever visited a friend’s house on a Sunday morning and had a conversation like this? She stretched her legs, which she had modestly put to her side. It was comfortable. The awareness that this was someone else’s house disappeared into the back of her throat along with the apple.

“Unni, what do you like about my brother?”

That almost made her choke. She gathered her legs again and put them by her side. Bada was smiling at her while she was holding up her chin with both of her hands while lying down. Gaeul looked around her to find a helper. Maru, who was still holding an apple, had a similar smile as Bada, and was looking at her as though he was looking for an answer. The quarrelling siblings combined their forces in an instant. Seeing the impenetrable wall in front of her, Gaeul just kept staring at the wall.

“Oppa, what do you like about Gaeul-unni?”

“Everything.”

The answer that came without hesitation pressured Gaeul even more. The way these two asked and answered such questions like it was nothing was definitely proof that they were siblings. It wasn’t that it was a difficult question. She had a few answers she could easily respond with. She didn’t know when she got those answers ready, but plausible-sounding answers were raising their hands inside her. Gaeul chose to save her words even though she could just reply nonchalantly and smile it off. She knew that they were joking with her and that they weren’t looking for some grandiose answer, but for some reason, she couldn’t speak that easily. She saw Bada not saying anything after blinking a couple of times. Gaeul saw her fingers slowly curling up, and her shoulders crouching inwards as well. It was clear that Bada felt embarrassed when Gaeul reacted seriously since she was just joking. Say something - Gaeul spoke with difficulty as she looked at Maru.

“Sorry.”

There were a lot of pretty words in her mind. It would’ve been fine even if she picked any random item off the display in her mind. Or, she could’ve grabbed one of the toys that sprung up when it was opened. Sorry - that was definitely not on the list. On the list of numerous words in her mind, ‘sorry’ definitely did not exist. Where was that from? Why that word out of all things?

“Unni… I was just….”

Bada sat up now. Gaeul brought both of her hands to her mouth. She felt like she was really going to feel sorry. She felt chaotic. Why did she have to choose that word out of everything and make people awkward?

“Han Bada, she got you good this time.”

Maru gave Bada a big sliced apple. Bada accepted the apology in an awkward posture.

“What does that mean?”

“Don’t you get it? Gaeul was joking with you.”

“Really?”

“That’s how frightening an actor can get if they decide to set their mind on teasing someone. You were fooled instantly, weren’t you?”

“That startled me! I thought unni was angry,”

The tension in the atmosphere loosened up immediately. Bada lay down again and started eating the apple.

“Unni, you are really good at acting. I thought you were angry.”

Gaeul wasn’t a fool who would pour cold water over this situation by telling the truth. She made the smile that she practiced hundreds, thousands of times. She felt like the natural smile stemming from her emotions would creak like a broken cogwheel.

“Were you surprised?”

“I was. I won’t do that next time. Unni, you are a formidable foe.”

Maru pushed the tray with the apple peels and the empty plate over to Bada.

“Can you get out of the way now since you’re done eating?”

“Fine. I know when to leave. But also, you can’t do something strange, okay? I’m going to be listening to everything.”

Bada took the tray to the kitchen before going into her room. Gaeul had a smile until she closed her door. She didn’t know when to put it away.

“It’s been a long time since I’ve seen you panicking so much,” Maru said.

He sounded as though he had seen through the fact that she wasn’t playing a joke a long time ago. He probably sent Bada away after noticing that something was strange.

“It came out of nowhere.”

“Now that’s a little suspicious. Are you sure you didn’t do something wrong to me?”

“There’s nothing like that.”

It wasn’t something she should get angry about since she was the cause of it, but her words sounded thorny. She felt really strange today. She thought about the date of her period. It was still some days off, but her relaxed mind and body became tense like a kitten that had seen a person in an alleyway when she was asked what she liked about Maru.

“Do you want some green plum tea? It will make you relax.”

Gaeul nodded. She contemplated as she looked at Maru standing in the kitchen. Was she supposed to apologize? Was she supposed to thank him? Or should she talk about something else as though nothing had happened? Maru started humming. It was a song that Gaeul knew as well. It was the song that her father used to hum all the time when he was in a good mood. She hummed it herself a few times in front of Maru, and it seemed that he had memorized it. She dazedly looked at him as she listened to the melody that entered her ears. Why do you like him? Bada’s voice became vivid again through that music.

‘Why do I like him?’

She rolled that question in her mouth. She realized why she said sorry. She didn’t know why she liked him. There was nothing that she could say ‘this is it’ about. She could say that it was a combination of many different things that made her like him, but she couldn’t think of a single thing to give as an example. That was why she was ‘sorry’. It was because she couldn’t easily say why she liked him.

Gaeul looked at Maru, who was stirring a cup with a teaspoon. She definitely liked him. There was nothing false about that. But why was it that the word ‘sorry’ preceded the word ‘I like you’ when she looked at him?

“Here.”

“Thanks.”

It was just warm enough to drink. It seemed that Maru had cooled down the tea by pouring some cold water into the boiling tea.

“I like you.”

“I know.”

Maru faintly smiled before he drank. Gaeul drank a sip of the light brown-colored tea. It was just as Maru said. It calmed her down a little.

“When I heard Bada ask me that question, I was suddenly at a loss for words. I just couldn’t think of a reason for why I liked you. However, it’s not like I hate you either. It’s so strange, isn’t it?”

She could just not talk about this anymore, but she didn’t want to do that.

“That’s how it usually is.”

“Is it like that for you too?”

She didn’t ask that question just because she wanted him to sympathize. She was really curious as to whether Maru also felt the stuffy feeling that arose when he couldn’t think of a reason for why he liked her even though he liked her.

“Honestly speaking, if someone asked me to explain why I like you, I don’t think I can even say sorry.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“Let’s just say that it’s a very complex thing that adults have.”

Maru twitched his eyebrows before drinking the remaining tea. The tea had already cooled down.

“You don’t have to be sorry. Anyone would be at a loss for words when a family member of your partner asks that question. It would be even more strange if you could smoothly talk it out. Liking someone isn’t something that needs to be checked by others, is it? It’s fine as long as you can accept it. If you want to boast, I guess you’ll have to come up with clear reasons for it, but if it’s your own emotions and you just feel that way, I don’t think there’s a need to express it clearly in words. Don’t you think so too? If there’s someone you like, and you definitely like that person, that’s enough, isn’t it? Expressing reasons for liking your partner is something you only do when you start dating. In that sense, we’re quite incredible you know? We’re like a married couple who’s in their boredom stage already.”

It was Maru’s usual jokes. Gaeul smiled and gave Maru her cup since he asked for it.

“I’ll wash the dishes now. You can watch some of the videotapes in the meantime. You just need to press play since there’s one in the machine already.”

Maru stood up with the cups. Gaeul did not put away her smile until the moment Maru turned around. Her head definitely understood. She accepted that it was fine as long as there was a feeling of liking him without any detailed explanations. His words were idealistic, and they also calmed her down.

Gaeul clenched her hands, which were on the ground, into a fist. So then, why did her heart feel so stuffy? She felt as though a black cloth was tightly wrapped around the lantern of ‘I like him’. The light faintly seeping out of it made her realize that she was in love with him, but she wanted to have a look at the lump of emotions burning inside the tightly wrapped cloth directly. What was it? What was this thing that prevented her from seeing her feelings towards him directly? Gaeul tried her best to unwrap that black cloth, but she couldn’t do it.

Sorry - that came to her mind again.

Just what did she feel sorry about?

Gaeul sighed softly as she looked at Maru washing the dishes with a smile on his face.

* * *

Did something bad happen? - Maru looked at Gaeul, who had a vague smile on her face. There were times when she made awkward expressions to the point that it was obvious. Anyone else might not have noticed, but Maru could tell instantly. Especially in these kinds of situations where her expression was contrary to her actions. When she smiled, she usually opened her hands wide like a paper fan. Right now, though, she clenched her hands into a fist like a curled up animal cub.

Maru wondered if he had to ask, but decided not to in the end. Gaeul was a wise woman. If it needed mentioning, she would’ve mentioned it on her own volition.

“You’re practicing with Heewon, aren’t you?”

He changed the direction of the conversation to switch the mood a little. Gaeul brightened up instantly and nodded. Anyone acting with Lee Heewon while studying acting would react like that. After all, he was somewhat akin to a fantasy creature when it came to acting.

“He’s special, isn’t he?”

“You tell me! I was really surprised when I first met him. I thought he was lying.”

“About how he sees colors?”

“Yeah. I realized when I practiced with him though. He sees something that I can’t.”

“He’s an amazing guy.”

“Did you see him too?”

“Just briefly. It was near intuitive acting. In one way, it was like an artistic performance. It feels a bit iffy though when I think that he’s getting proper education.”

“Why?”

“Because we’re in the same field. We’re bound to be competing some day.”

Gaeul made a flabbergasted expression when he said that before bursting out into laughter. It wasn’t the fragile smile she could barely maintain, but a refreshing one. She returned to the her before Bada’s question. Maru inwardly sent a letter of gratitude to Heewon, who should be sleeping somewhere at this time. Thanks to him, he managed to turn things around.

“But the person in this video is even more incredible than him.”

“Really?”

“In my eyes at least. Heewon will definitely become better with more time, but for now, the person in the video is better. See for yourself. Watching her might be helpful for you too.”

Maru picked up the remote from the sofa.