Life, Once Again!

Perhaps due to her senses having become overly sensitive, the breathing of those around her became annoyingly loud. Gaeul thought that she should focus, but her ears kept receiving useless information. Don’t think about anything else - Gaeul said to herself as she tried her best to understand Gyeonmi’s advice. What was she trying to say through her acting? This was definitely an important part. In this world, there was perhaps no action that contained no meaning. Even newborn babies express their desire to eat by crying instinctively. They did not cry for no reason; their actions contained a clear objective, in other words, a claim. With that being the case, the fact that an actor did not have such a claim even though they were supposed to stand in front of an audience with their acting was perhaps a big problem. A well-performing machine - Gaeul shook her head. The word ‘machine’ also contained the meaning that there was a lack of character. When the words that haunted her came to her mind again, she felt uneasy.

‘What was I trying to say through that act just now?’

The fact that twisted love can also be touching is a claim of the director. While twisted, that heartrending love definitely made her touched. There was a deep sense of lingering feelings that she couldn’t forget easily causing them to remain behind in her heart, and her desire to express such a scene for herself was projected through this assignment.

In the end, could she say nothing other than the fact that she just wanted to imitate the scene? She looked back on her acting. The warm emotions in the lines definitely were there. The scene she saw from the movie filled up her mind fully, and she even had a feeling that she had forgotten about herself, albeit for a brief moment. It was definitely an act that she could be satisfied with. However, if asked what she was trying to say through that acting, she couldn’t give a clear answer.

“Can you show me the next one?”

“Can I think about this for just a little more?”

“Very well. You should ponder when you still can. Then shall we take a 30 minute break? Gaeul, you should get your thoughts organized, and Heewon, you can do whatever you want.”

Gyeonmi left the practice room. Heewon lay down on the ground with his limbs out wide the moment the door closed. Gaeul looked away from the joyfully grinning Heewon before looking at the mirror in front of her. She saw a girl who was at a loss in that mirror.

“Noona, you should drink this.”

Thanks - she replied to Haewon, who offered her a cup of water.

“Acting is hard. Just listening to it from the side makes me feel dizzy.”

“You tell me. Even after all that learning, I still find it confusing every time. I’m not sure what’s right and what I should be doing.”

“But you are doing well, noona. The problem is my brother over there.”

Heewon rolled over when the two looked at him.

“Man, the floor feels nice and cold. I love this company. There’s air conditioning, there’s food… I wish I lived here.”

Heewon spoke like he was a fish as he put his cheeks against the floor.

“See that? He might become one with the floor at this rate. He really sets his mind to doing stuff when he has to, but the problem is that it doesn’t happen that often.”

Seemingly having heard Haewon’s words, Heewon blocked his ears with his hands.

“I can’t hear anything, la-la-la.”

Gaeul spoke as she looked at the grumbling Heewon.

“But he’s good.”

Laziness was only a problem when one couldn’t bring out their fullest skills because of it. To those that cleanly finish their work, laziness was a facet of leisure. Seeing Heewon dazing out on the floor, Gaeul felt envious. Gyeonmi praised Heewon’s acting. Forgetting about the audience due to being immersed in acting is only a small problem that can be fixed at any time. It was really good - she was reminded of the satisfaction in Gyeonmi’s voice.

Compared to that, how was she? She was pondering because she couldn’t set her aim properly. She only found the lazy-looking Heewon amazing.

“Lee Heewon.”

“Yeah?”

“What did you try to say through your acting?”

“Say through acting? Nothing.”

Heewon yawned after saying those words.

“Nothing?”

“I would crack my head open if I think about every detail like that. Even back in the acting club, I just memorized the script and did what it said.”

“Teacher just said that actors need to do an act that contains their own claims though.”

“Oh, that? Didn’t she mean that we can do whatever we want?”

“No. What did you think about when you were acting before?”

“What did I think about? About acting of course.”

“I’m asking about the kind of thoughts you have when you are acting.”

“Acting is acting, where are thoughts in that? I just do it since I decided to do that. There’s no reason or a thought for that. Isn’t acting about emotions? I really like Maskman and find it really cool, so that’s why I did it. Once I start, well, all sorts of trivial stuff do come to mind, but those things have no relation to acting at all. I just do what my heart tells me to and accept what my body wants to do. If there’s a script, I would follow that, but there was nothing like that today, so I just did it however I wanted to. Well, thanks to that, I heard that I should be more conscious of the audience.”

Of course, I’m a high school student too, so I don’t like it like the kids do - Heewon added, but that did not reach Gaeul.

He did what his body led him to do? If that was the case, she would have had a much easier time answering Gyeonmi’s question. She would’ve replied that she did it because she found it cool.

“You said it too, didn’t you? That you did it because the scene was cool.”

“But she said it was wrong.”

“I don’t think that’s right. I kept listening because I felt like I would get more assignments if I got scolded again, but teacher never said that you were wrong. She just kept asking for your opinion. It was you who kept changing your answer. When she asked if you liked something, you would reply that you weren’t sure. I think that happened a few times. Am I wrong?”

Haewon also spoke as well.

“She definitely said it like this: ‘Of course, if you say so, it might be, but I think there’s something else as well.’ While it does sound like she was inducing you to say another answer, she didn’t say you were wrong.”

Hearing the two brothers say those words made her even more confused. What did Gyeonmi want? If she thought about it, Gyeonmi never asked Heewon that question. Why didn’t she ask? Did she forget? Or was there some other reason?

“Also, I might be wrong about this, but isn’t acting about doing what you want? You need to cry like this, laugh like this - are there rules like that? Well, I might be stupid and might be ignoring those rules, but even if they did exist, I wouldn’t want to follow them. It’s annoying enough as it is already, so what fun would there be if I can’t do it the way I want to? The only fun thing I find in acting is that I can do as I wish.”

“Do as you wish?”

Heewon, who stared at her while lying on the ground, sat up.

“You know? I usually don’t have any energy when I’m talking. That’s why Haewon does it for me most of the time. If Haewon tells me that he’s getting married in the future, I might actually end up crying.”

“Hyung, don’t do that. I mean it.”

Haewon smiled awkwardly.

“Anyway, I usually don't have any energy, so I don’t want to do anything. But somehow, I ended up in the acting club, right? Moreover, I have to practice according to a set frame. Studying was hard enough, so telling me to learn a script was really cruel.”

Heewon yawned. Gaeul also opened her mouth wide, as though she was infected by that, before quickly closing her mouth.

“If acting was like studying, I would’ve quit ages ago. When it comes to acting, you know, there are things that surge up from your heart, right? Isn’t it fine as long as you express those things? Red as red, yellow as yellow, blue as blue. I think that’s it. Making it complex like what were your intentions or claims or stuff like that - I don’t know any of it. It’s kinda annoying to have an act planned out for me, but once I memorized it, I would just play around to my heart’s content. After all, as long as you don’t derail yourself, there’s nothing ‘wrong’ in acting, right? As long as you take care so that you don’t drive the story up the mountain, I think anything’s okay.”

“Do you really act like that? Do you really not study the character’s emotions, background, and things like that and just act according to what you’ve seen and what you feel like?”

“That’s who I am. Do this, do that - I’m not that smart, so I can’t do stuff like that. Expressing the colors that come to my mind to their fullest - that is my acting. Claims? There’s nothing like that. Honestly speaking, comedy acting is there to make people laugh, and sad acting is there to make people sad. I really don’t get why there’s any grand reason for it. Am I an idiot after all?”

“No, I don’t think so.”

“Then a genius.”

“That’s even more of a no-no.”

Gaeul thought back to Heewon’s words. She didn’t understand why she was so happy when she heard that Heewon wouldn’t have chosen acting if there was a set method to acting. It wasn’t that her mind was cleared all of a sudden, but the halted cogwheels of thought started turning again.

When she first thought hard and uttered the subject of the scene itself, Gyeonmi stated that that was the director’s intention. This was the truth. After all, she thought that that was the director’s intention herself when she said those words. After that, Gaeul carefully mentioned her own opinions, but Gyeonmi kept asking her more questions. Seeing the questions return to the original, Gaeul kept looking for other answers.

‘Maybe there was no need to be so lost?’

Her very first answer - the fact that she acted that scene out because she found Ahn Joohyun cool. Was that a wrong answer?

When acting out an already existing scene, the original creator’s opinions couldn’t be entirely ignored. What that scene tried to tell the audience was that a feeble woman’s pathetic and improper confession can look adorable. The director perfectly managed to express that, and arriving at a conclusion other than that for that scene was something incredibly hard.

Was she overly worried and was avoiding the obvious answer?

“Uhm, when you acted out Maskman, right?”

“Yeah, what?”

“You just did that because you found it cool and you wanted to do it, right?”

“Of course. If it wasn’t cool then I would have no reason to do it in the first place. It’s fun too. Like I said before though, I’m also an adult and it’s not like I truly admire….”

Gaeul raised her hand to stop Heewon. Heewon pouted before lying back down again. Gaeul looked at him before speaking with a smile,

“Thanks. I feel like I cleared up my head thanks to your simple and clear answer.”

“If you feel thankful, why don’t you buy me some hamburgers instead? Haewon’s not allowing it saying that we have to save up this month.”

“Hyung, it’s not that we’re saving up. It’s you who has to lose weight.”

Haewon quickly interjected. As she kept watching the rather cheerful brothers, Gyeonmi returned.

“Gaeul, you look good. Did you get an answer?”

“Yes. It’s my answer. Oh, I did refer to Heewon’s answer though.”

“Really? Referring to that strange kid’s answer makes me worried though.”

“Actually, I am too.”

Gyeonmi sat down.

“Then let’s have a listen, shall we? What did you want to say through your acting?”

“I just found that scene really cool. That’s why I wanted to try doing it. That’s all.”

“That’s all?”

“Yes.”

“Really? Even though it’s just a surface imitation?”

“No, it’s not just the surface. When I act that scene out, all sorts of emotions surge within me. But those aren’t from wanting to express something. I just want to let my acting, and myself fall into that scene. I didn’t just imitate what could be seen on the surface. I might be lacking, but I did my best to imitate everything in that moment, including the emotions contained in the scene.”

After saying that, Gaeul felt that she couldn’t make out any more words. She detected a clear acting philosophy taking root within her, but she also realized that her experiences and ways weren’t sufficient to express it in words.

“If I get a script, and I become the one to act, I might be able to imbue something in it. However, the acts that the seniors have shown me are already perfected. It’s to the point that it’s easy enough to understand what they were trying to say through their acting just by imitating that scene. That’s why I cannot express my words through this one line. I’m satisfied with just recreating it in a cool way.”

After saying those words, she breathed out heavily. It took a few seconds for Gyeonmi to nod.

“Is that what you think?”

“Eh? Ah, yes.”

“Good.”

“What?”

“I said good. I did get the impression that you weren’t getting to the point and were circling around it, but now I get what you’re trying to say. Gaeul, do you know what’s really important to an actor?”

“Emotional expressivity?”

Gyeonmi shook her head.

“No. It’s the boldness that they are the only ones that can do their acting. Of course, they will have to match up to their seniors, because that’s just how society works, but they all have to think like that inwardly. Shout. Han Gaeul’s acting can only be done by Han Gaeul, after all. It’s good that you’re trying to learn. It’s also good that you’re open minded and ready to accept new things. However, actors must have endurance, pride, no, arrogance is a better word. Before you form your acting, you have to form yourself as a person. There is no answer to acting. If someone says it’s wrong, then fight that person. If they ask, ask back. Of course, there are methodologies out there, so you might be wrong, but you can apologize at that time.”

After saying those words, Gyeonmi faintly smiled before continuing,

“Actors aren’t about pride and prejudice, but pride and humility. First, become proud. Form a clear character for yourself. After that, be humble. If you do, people will start saying this at some point.”

- That is Han Gaeul’s acting.

Gaeul energetically nodded while feeling her heart race.