Chapter 134: NOT MINE

Nyx spoke to him in a dream.

The fen was gone. There was no wet grass beneath his bedroll, no low fire from Cinder, no green glow from Miasma. Darkness covered everything, but the bond was there, wider and clearer than it had ever been while he was awake.

Nyx was somewhere inside it.

Then its voice reached him, which surprised him.

It was quiet. Young, and unmistakably female.

"Sometimes I remember things that never happened to me."

He tried to speak. His mouth wouldn’t move.

"I want you to know that."

There was no amusement in her voice.

"They don’t decide what I do. I want you to know that too."

The dream ended.

Aiden opened his eyes.

Nyx lay across his throat with her head tucked beneath his jaw, exactly where she had settled before he fell asleep. Her body was warm against his skin. One forepaw rested on his collarbone.

She was still asleep.

He stared at her for a few seconds.

"So you’re a girl. Good to know."

Of everything Nyx had just told him, that was somehow the easiest part to accept.

Fantastic. First conversation and I already missed the basics.

Aiden rested his hand against her side and felt her breathing beneath his palm. Nyx shifted closer without waking, then settled again.

He had watched her hatch. Every day of Nyx’s life should have started with that shell opening in his hands.

But she sometimes remembered something else.

Whose memories?

Nyx hadn’t said whose they were.

The word sometimes bothered him most.

She wasn’t having one bad dream. It had happened enough for her to recognize it. Enough for her to know those memories didn’t belong to her.

She had been carrying that in silence.

Aiden’s fingers went still against her side.

Until tonight, Nyx had answered him without words.

She followed when she wanted to follow. Ignored him when she wanted to ignore him. Occupied whatever part of his body or belongings she had decided was hers.

He had learned to understand enough of that.

The first time she could tell him something plainly, she had chosen this.

Aiden thought back to the fence. Nyx had been there while Seraphine talked about what she was, what she would become, and how the story would end. Aiden had asked the church inquisitor for answers because Nyx couldn’t give him any.

He had discussed her while she stood a few feet away.

The realization made his jaw tighten.

Nyx had finally been able to answer, and she hadn’t told him what she was.

Aiden looked down at the dark head beneath his chin.

Perhaps she doesn’t know herself. Maybe she only wanted me to hear her side.

That hurt more than the impossible memories.

"No," he whispered. "They don’t decide for you."

Nyx slept through it.

A faint scrape came from beside the bedroll. Miasma had raised her head. Her green eyes moved from Aiden’s face to Nyx, then back again.

"I’m fine."

Miasma kept looking at him.

"You don’t believe me, huh?"

She rose and crossed the bedroll. Her spines were half raised, but they settled as she came closer. She stopped beside his shoulder and pressed her nose to his wrist.

Aiden turned his hand and scratched lightly beneath her jaw.

"She talked."

Miasma went completely still.

"Only in a dream. Apparently she’s a girl."

Her eyes moved to Nyx, then back to him.

He expected the offended look, or the one she used when he was talking nonsense.

Miasma closed her eyes instead and let out a long breath.

"You’re taking that better than I did."

Miasma lowered herself beside his arm. She kept her head up.

Aiden smiled despite himself.

"Fine. Very supportive."

Across the camp, Cinder slept with her head on her forelegs. The fire along her mane had dropped to a low red glow. One ear turned toward Aiden’s voice, then relaxed.

He kept his voice down.

"No reason to wake her. She’d try to burn the memories."

Miasma’s eyes narrowed.

"Tell me she wouldn’t."

One spine rose.

Aiden laughed under his breath and his shoulders loosened a little.

He stayed on his back with Nyx across his throat and Miasma against his arm.

He wasn’t afraid of Nyx.

He was worried about what was happening to her.

How much did she remember? Images? Voices? Whole places she had never seen? Did the memories come only in sleep, or could they break into an ordinary day?

Aiden stopped there.

Nyx couldn’t talk with him while awake. Guessing for her would turn his questions into facts that did not exist.

She had told him what she knew. He could start there.

Miasma finally put her head down across his forearm.

Aiden rested two fingers against the side of her neck.

"Thanks."

She closed her eyes.

Aiden looked toward the boundary. Seraphine would be outside it again before long. She had asked him to watch Nyx, and after tonight he intended to watch more closely.

He wouldn’t tell her about the dream, though.

The confession belonged to Nyx. Seraphine might know where those memories came from, but that didn’t make Nyx’s first words Church property.

He could ask Seraphine questions without telling her what had happened in his sleep.

The sky brightened, if the fen’s disturbing light could be called bright. At least it was better than the dark, and that was already something he chose to be thankful for.

Nyx opened her eyes.

She blinked once and found Aiden looking at her. There was no voice.

Only her pale eyes.

"I heard you."

Both ears froze.

"All of it."

Nyx stayed very still, her eyes wide. Her forepaws pressed lightly against his chest, and for a moment Aiden wondered if she was about to leave.

Whatever way she’d been trying to talk to him in his sleep, she hadn’t expected him to hear her. He’d never heard of a beast talking to its tamer through a dream either, but again, what did he actually know about ancient beasts, powerful beasts, or whatever Nyx was?

Nothing.

He kept his hand where it was.

"I don’t know where those memories came from and I don’t know what they mean either."

She looked at him again.

"But I know what you’ve done since you hatched."

Nyx stared at him. The tension in her forelegs eased, but she did not move closer yet.

Aiden gave her time. He had spent enough of the night asking questions she couldn’t answer.

"You don’t have to prove anything to me because Seraphine thinks she knows how you end."

She pushed herself up and leaned forward. Her forehead pressed beneath his jaw.

Aiden stopped breathing for a second.

Then he wrapped one arm around her and held her there. Her body relaxed against him.

That was enough for now.

"You could’ve started smaller. Like, hey, I’m a girl. Stop calling me it," he murmured.

Miasma joined them and rested one forefoot against Nyx’s side. She stayed there, warm and close.

Nyx closed her eyes and relaxed between them.

"Reminds me of when you hatched. Miasma watched over you as you slept back then," Aiden laughed quietly. "She’s your big sister, alright? If you ever feel sad, she’ll always listen to you. At least she’s listened to enough of my bad plans when I was scared."

Aiden still had questions. He would keep them until Nyx decided to explain what she knew, or until she understood it.

Nyx went back to sleep between his hand and Miasma.

Aiden didn’t.