Kumo Desu ga, Nani ka?

261 – Liquor is the best medicine

When I woke up I was on a bed in the mansion. How strange. Yesterday I’m sure I shut myself in another dimension with some wine and snacks to munch. Did I get drunk without noticing and then came back here and slept, perhaps?

It’s a problem that I’ve forgotten everything while drunk, but never mind. I can rapidly break down alcohol if I want to, but if I did that there’d be no point in drinking it. You can’t call wine without alcohol a wine! Well, if necessary I can download the memories from my clones that are all over the place, no problem. I’m not going to download the memories for now though. I mean, seriously, wouldn’t you be a bit scared to see how you had behaved after getting heavily drunk?

I shake my head in denial, and check if there’s any problems with my physical condition. I wouldn’t have a hangover from drinking, so this is just a precaution against some unlikely event okay. Yep, I’m in perfect condition again today. I also feel that my skin has gotten a healthy glow to it for some reason. Yeah, alcohol is good for the health indeed.

I leave the room in order to get breakfast, heading to the dining hall. Vampire girl and oni-kun are already seated there.

「Good morning.」

「M, morning.」

A polite greeting from oni-kun, and a greeting from vampire girl with her face going somewhat stiff. She showed this kind of behaviour once or twice on our journey as well, so I guess vampire girl isn’t a morning person after all?

「Mm.」

I guess it’s better than saying nothing, so I give a short reply. I sit next to vampire girl. For some reason, vampire girl sits bolt upright.

「Umm.」

Hm?

「For what occurred yesterday, I think it would be better to stop.」

Oni-kun said that in a reproachful tone of voice. Hmm? Yesterday? I did something yesterday?

I glance towards vampire girl. Well, I say that, but since I keep my eyes closed there’s no actual eye contact. Vampire girl is staring at oni-kun as if seeing something unbelieveable. Eh? What’s this? What happened yesterday?

「Sophia-san objected to it as well, and I think that it’s wrong to force someone who is objecting. Even though you were drunk on alcohol, I still think that there are things that are acceptable and things that are not.」

Alcohol. Drunk.

Emergency request to all clones within the mansion! Download the memory from yesterday when the main body was drunk! The clones stealthily hidden around the mansion transmit the memories to the main body. I look at the memories I received one by one, filling in the relevant omissions.

Bwah!? What the heck is this!?

Oi! Oi, me from yesterday! What’re you doing!? This isn’t some mere aggressive drunk! I’ve gotten a glimpse of something far more terrifying!

Seriously. Nai wa. Totally nai wa. Objectively viewing myself while drunk, I’m nai wa.

I pounced on vampire girl, and zapped oni-kun with my Static Evil Eye when he tried to stop me. I did whatever I liked. Or rather, if I try my best I’ll be able to talk that fluently! Ah, yes. This isn’t the time to escape from reality. What should I do?

I turn towards vampire girl. She delicately tries to avoid me while staying seated. Ahh, right.

「I’m sorry.」

Indeed.

Umm, vampire girl. Why is your face trembling in disbelief now? If I’ve done something wrong I will at least apologise you know? I shall refrain from alcohol for a while. If I’m going to drink, I’ll do it with D around. Um, no, that’d also be pretty scary somehow. For the time being I shall go teetotal. Ugh, it’s painful but there’s no other way.

I return my gaze to oni-kun, and he makes a relieved expression for himself. It’s possible that oni-kun was prepared to die when he admonished me. Well, I can hardly blame him for thinking that perhaps I wouldn’t listen to him after seeing THAT from yesterday. Alcohol sure has a huge pitfall huh. Scary.

「Goshujin-sama. Are you really the real goshujin-sama?」

Vampire girl has started saying something rather strange. I wanna retort by asking what she’d do if I wasn’t the real one.

「Do you have a fever or something? Did you eat something strange? Have you gotten a screw loose?」

Oi, hey. Just how on earth do you see me? It’s depressing so I silence her with a chop to the head.

「Oww!? Isn’t that too mean!? I’m worried about you but isn’t that too mean!?」

「No, just now, the mean one was you Sophia-san, I’d say」

To vampire girl’s protest, oni-kun calmly retorts. Hmm, hmm. Things have become so noisy and irrational with just an apology. Unlike a certain Evil God somewhere, I can hold a proper conversation. I’m not D! Not D!

「But, it’s that goshujin-sama? That goshujin-sama who is like an atrocity incarnate? That goshujin-sama who loves mass-murder and eating people’s flesh such that it makes me want to ask if you were born in hell?」

Vampire girl’s image of me seems to be like that of a Great Demon King. Eh? Really that much? Do I really have such a bad image?

Ahh, uhh. Thinking back on things, I was the trigger that lead to the destruction of vampire girl’s hometown that also raged violently in the war, and now that you mention it I did make that elf-meat stir-fry afterwards didn’t I. Or rather, aside from all that, from the expressions that vampire girl is using I guess that yesterday wasn’t my first offense? If so then it would be consistent. All too consistent. Oh no! Then this means that in vampire girl’s mind I’m like a monster that devours people’s flesh night after night!? It’s not exactly wrong so I can’t say anything!

「Hey, isn’t that saying a bit too much?」

「It’s all true though.」

「Eh?」

Oni-kun looks towards me in shock. Stop! Don’t look at me like that! I unintentionally turn my face away to avoid his gaze.

D「I received a signal that a certain spider was dissing me so I’m off to punish it.」

Meido「Did you think I would let you go? Get on with your work please.」