Chapter 67: Farewell

Chapter 67

Farewell

That night, Song Qilin didn’t make love to her. He simply held her in his arms, as though he didn’t want to taint this precious moment with desire. Nie Shuang didn’t want to sleep, fearing that when she woke up tomorrow, he would already be gone. Song Qilin, too, was thinking of his wife’s bright smile and her cheerful voice.

“Shuang Shuang, I don’t want to leave you. If it were possible, I would always want you and the children by my side. They’re still so young, and there are three of them. It must be exhausting for you to care for them all on your own. I...I’m such a terrible husband, making you live so far from the manor like this. I can’t even be a source of support for you, nor help you care for our children.”

Nie Shuang gently reassured him.

“It’s all right. I’m not tired at all. Da Shi and Wang Dongpo handle everything, and Xiao San, Xiao Tong, and A’Yi take care of things at home. You don’t need to worry.”

“Shuang Shuang...if you become pregnant again this time, I...I want to have more children with you...but if you think it will be too much for you...”

He struggled to say the rest of his words, feeling as though they were hard to get out.

“If it’s too much of a burden...you could take some medicine...”

Nie Shuang raised her hand to cover his mouth, then softly said,

“Don’t say that, Qilin. It would break the child’s heart if he knew. If I do become pregnant, this child would be born from the love between us. How could I ever harm him? Look at our three children. Could you bear it if we lost even one of them? Even if the child hasn’t been born yet, he’s already mine.”

Nie Shuang didn’t want to take contraceptive medicine because she was still nursing and was concerned about the long-term effects on her body. She also couldn’t bring herself to take medicine to induce a miscarriage. Hearing this, Song Qilin smiled in relief.

“They’re our children,”

He said, gently caressing her belly. It wasn’t that he didn’t desire her now, but the love he felt for her was deeper than physical intimacy. He was content to hold back and spend this time talking to her. The more they talked, the closer he felt to her. Her warm, soft body pressed against his strong frame, reminding him that this wasn’t a dream. He had once had a nightmare about not being able to find her, and that fear still lingered in his heart.

“I want to come home and see your face every day. When I was young, Father was always away at war, barely ever home. Some years, he only came back for the New Year, and some years not at all. I don’t want you and the children to wait for me like that.”

Nie Shuang listened to him quietly.

“My dream is to end the war at the northern border, so no one has to fight anymore. So, everyone can come home. Ideally, soldiers would only have to take turns patrolling once a year. As long as the land is at peace, even if I achieve nothing else, that would be enough. It’s a shame that before me, there were many skilled Generals, but the court was filled with political rivalries and infighting. Otherwise, the war at the northern border wouldn’t have dragged on for so long.”

She gently stroked his chest, comforting him.

“It’s all right. Even if we have to be apart, it’s enough to know that there’s someone waiting for you. Like I said, the children and I will be waiting for you here. We won’t go anywhere.”

They wouldn’t even return to his own Yong An Hou Manor or to the General’s manor at the border... Song Qilin thought sadly, but he didn’t dare ask her to go with him. He knew that Nie Shuang had invested a great deal of effort and energy to achieve this level of success.

The next morning, Song Qilin woke early, having already prepared his belongings. Today, he got up to bathe the children, with Nie Shuang and the wet nurse assisting him. Bao Bao continued to splash water at him mischievously, laughing loudly when he saw his father soaked. Bei Bei and Xiao Hua Hua, on the other hand, were busy playing with floating wooden toys, paying no attention to their troublemaking older brother. The children let their father feed them without any fuss, sitting in a row, taking turns eating bite by bite like baby birds waiting to be fed. After breakfast, Song Qilin prepared to set off.

They rode in the carriage to the city gate, where Kang Wang was already waiting for them. When he saw the family arriving together in the carriage, he handed the reins to his attendant and climbed up to join them. Along the way, they chatted joyfully and with great spirit. However, after traveling about two li[1] from the city, Song Qilin said,

“Let’s stop here. If you go any further, you and the children will get tired.”

Nie Shuang felt a lump in her throat as she held back tears. She carried Bei Bei down from the carriage, allowing Song Qilin to carry Bao Bao and Xiao Hua Hua. Only Nie Shuang and Kang Wang had come to see him off; Song Qilin didn’t want a grand procession of officials, so he had forbidden it.

“Shuang Shuang, I have to go now. Take care of yourself. I’m entrusting the children to you,”

Song Qilin said to her firmly, his eyes filled with longing.

“Mm, don’t worry.”

Kang Wang also comforted his friend, saying,

“Qilin, don’t be concerned. With me here, Shuang Shuang and the children will be safe.”

Song Qilin patted his friend’s shoulder, his gaze filled with gratitude.

“Wuqian, I’ll have to rely on you.”

He handed Bei Bei and Xiao Hua Hua to Xiao San and Xiao Tong, who were standing nearby, then turned and walked toward Feng Ying, who was holding his horse’s reins, waiting.

“Ah, ah, ah, ah.”

Bao Bao’s voice called out. The little boy was pointing toward his father. Song Qilin smiled and walked back. He took Bao Bao from Xiao San, holding him tightly and kissing both his cheeks and his forehead. Bao Bao put his hands on his father’s face, babbling as if to say he forgave him. Song Qilin smiled at his son and said,

“Bao Bao, take care of your mother and your siblings, okay?”

Then he turned to pick up Bei Bei and Xiao Hua Hua, embracing and kissing them lovingly. After handing them back to his wife and Xiao Tong, he turned to leave again. But this time, Bao Bao began to cry first, wailing loudly, his little hands reaching out to his father as if pleading for him not to go.Seeing their father mounting his horse, Bei Bei and Xiao Hua Hua also started crying, their wails filling the air. Nie Shuang could no longer hold back her tears. When he turned his horse around, he saw tears streaming down her soft cheeks. Song Qilin was almost tempted to abandon his mission right then and rush to hold his wife, but he forced himself to remain strong. So, he spurred his horse forward without looking back. Feng Ying followed closely behind, leaving only a cloud of dust behind and the small family of the young General.

[1] Li (Chinese: 里), also known as the Chinese mile, is a traditional Chinese unit of distance. The li has varied considerably over time but was usually about one third of an English mile and now has a standardized length of a half-kilometer (500 meters or 1,640 feet or 0.311 miles).