Joy of Life

He took a deep breath. It was not yet the depths of autumn. In the royal study deep in the Royal Palace, a deep-colored warming stove was beginning to give off warmth. The air was slightly dry. Entering from the nose straight to the lungs, there was a faint pain. Fan Xian looked at the Emperor’s face in front of him. He suddenly thought of many things and many people.

This storm in the Qing Kingdom started decades ago and had gradually fallen. There was probably only this father and son still left in the eye of the storm.

Fan Xian found it difficult to grasp the Emperor’s attitude. Even he couldn’t clearly explain it. From Danzhou to Jingdou, passing shoulder to shoulder in the Qing Temple, their first meeting in the bamboo tea store by the Taiping Courtyard, from granting the wedding to the Overwatch Council, knowing of that picture hanging in the Palace… In reality, Fan Xian guessed before anyone his true parentage.

Regardless of whether it was Fan Shen of his previous life or Fan Xian of this one, they were both fatherless and motherless people. Having landed in the Qing Kingdom, he obtained a mother named Ye Qingmei. Later, he found out he also had a father. If this inheritance of blood wanted Fan Xian to truly regard the Emperor as his father, it was something impossible for him to do at that time.

Fan Xian had been playing a part. He played it beautifully because no one knew he had a completely different soul within him. Thus, he could fool anyone. He even fooled the Emperor in front of him.

As time slowly passed, Fan Xian gradually grew suspicious of the murder case in Taiping Courtyard, So, he grew cautious of the Emperor on the throne, even fearful. Thus, his acting became even more steady and careful.

But, so many years had passed. If Ye Qingmei had always been that connected soul hidden in history, the existence of a natural closeness would gradually make him become truly of one body with his mother. The Emperor had used these years of interaction, kindness, trust, tricks, martial realms, to come step by step closer to Fan Xian’s life, making him become irresolute.

One had to admit that the Emperor invested into Fan Xian a trust and leniency that rarely appeared in his life. In the initial battle for the throne, perhaps the Emperor had just watched as his illegitimate child gradually grew more powerful and was mostly just using him. Gradually, the Emperor’s attitude toward Fan Xian changed, particularly after the Jingdou rebellion in the seventh year of the Qing calendar. For Fan Xian to be able to have his present status and power in the Qing court and among the people, the Emperor’s love toward him had far surpassed what he felt for the Crown Prince and Second Prince back in the day.

This pair of ruler and official, father and son, often discussed matters in the Palace and chatted leisurely in the royal study. Fan Xian hid some things, so he continued to play a role. Outside of that, he could clearly sense what kind of attitude the Emperor had toward him.

During these three years after finding out the truth about Taiping Courtyard, Fan Xian had been greatly tormented. Although he had always been making preparations, it was impossible for him to fully make up his mind. He knew the Emperor was like that large snowy mountain in his dream, impossible to upturn with ease. Each night he asked himself just what kind of light would shine through the crevice he was caught in? How should he choose?

He wanted to choose a third path that might not see blood flow. Thus, he worked hard to be a pioneer for the Emperor. H was constantly on the move for the court of the Qing Kingdom and acted completely against his own nature. He just hoped that everything could have a relatively moderate and bright conclusion.

He wanted Chen Pingping and his father to be able to retire peacefully.

In the end, everything was an illusion. Fan Xian was disappointed and even a little hopeless. He felt heart sore and tired. He didn’t want to act anymore.

…

…

Having read the files on the table in great detail, Fan Xian gently coughed. Presumably, his deep breath earlier, which had forcefully suppressed the restrained emotions in his heart, had made his injured lungs hurt again.

The Emperor looked at him silently and also coughed gently. There was an acknowledgement of each other’s strength between this strange pair of father and son, as well as some complicated emotions. Even their injuries were in the same area. They were actually two very alike people.

According to Chen Pingping’s plan, Fan Xian should be revealing an expression of disbelief. His entire body should tremble in anger. Then, he should roar at the Emperor, I don’t believe it! I don’t believe the old Director did all this! Why would he do this? The Emperor would gently and coldly explain to him the goal Chen Pingping had lived for the past few decades of his life: his bone-deep hatred of the Li royal family. The old dog’s kindness toward you had all been an act and. He wanted the Qing Kingdom to be destroyed in the instability caused by the calamity of our falling out.

Then, Fan Xian would express that he still did not believe it and even angrily criticize the Emperor that everything was fabricated. Chen Pingping was not that kind of person. He would angrily leave the royal study, return to his manor, think deeply for many days, truly understand the Emperor’s painstaking efforts and Chen Pingping’s evil, and so on and so forth.

This was a proper Palace drama. This was the major turning point playwrights needed. Emotional conflict would eventually be subdued by the trust between Emperor and official because of the iron-like truth. Father and son would forget their former enmity. The curtains would as the music sounded. The brilliant dynasty would play on the stage of history.

However, Fan Xian did not have any expression. He just put the files back on the table. He lowered his head slightly and did not speak. It was as if he was thinking about some important matters but also as if he was overly tired, tired to the point that entering the Palace had already drained him of all his energy.

The Emperor looked at him calmly. His eyes gradually narrowed. His pupils gradually brightened and dimmed. Disappointment rose and then turned into a kind of calmness or perhaps coldness.

“So… You knew all of this already,” the Emperor looked at his favorite illegitimate child and coldly said. “I had always found it strange. The Shadow was always with you, such a thing could not possibly be kept from you. You should have known long ago that the old dog was behind the Hanging Temple incident. I have thought for a long time. If you actually continued acting along with the events on these files, once you asked why Chen Pingping betrayed me, I really would have no idea what to say.”

Fan Xian’s fingertips trembled slightly. He acutely sensed that a great change had come over the Emperor’s state of mind. But, his expression did not change. Raising his head, he looked directly at him and said in a slightly hoarse voice, “I have always known.”

The Emperor looked at him with narrowed eyes. A cold light appeared then immediately disappeared.

Fan Xian pressed his dry lips together and did his best to suppress the rising emotions in his heart. Calmly, he said, “I have done my best to not let the blood of the past consume the matters still existing. From the moment I made this decision, I knew that I had a very naïve and childish choice. In the battle with Yan Xiaoyi three years ago, I came to an understanding. One has to try to do something within one’s life. Even if one is mocked by others as being naïve, one still has to silently try.”

“Of course, naïve ideas fail easily. However…” He looked at the Emperor. “Didn’t every grand event, at its very beginning, appear particularly idealistic and naïve to the point of mockery? For example, the oath you swore with mother and them by the seaside in Danzhou back then?”

The Emperor continued to look at him silently. His eyes grew brighter. From the moment Fan Xian said he knew, he worked hard. He knew what kind of goal his favorite son had wanted to achieve these years. For some reason, the Emperor, already used to coldness, suddenly felt a glimmer of warmth in his heart. Perhaps it was not a bad thing. However, this glimmer of warmth usually disappeared too quickly.

“He had already left and stopped thinking about the past. Why did you…” Fan Xian looked at the Emperor woodenly. “Why did you have to kill him?”

Naturally, he was talking about Chen Pingping. Fan Xian did not yell or criticize angrily. He was just filled with sorrow, helplessness, and a hatred that he did not hide. He stared woodenly into the Emperor’s eyes. The Emperor looked back at him calmly. After a long silence, the Emperor smiled. The smile was somewhat sinister, disappointed, and severe.

“Haha…” The Emperor narrowed his eyes. “I killed him?”

The Emperor slammed his palm down on the table beside him. He didn’t shatter the wooden table, but the strike had been strong enough to cause the papers on the table to fly up. He looked at Fan Xian and reprimanded him in a low and angry voice. “This is what I am most angry about. I gave him a way out. If he didn’t come back from Dazhou, perhaps I could have pretended nothing of the past had happened. However, he came back alone.”

“He forced me to kill him.” The Emperor’s gaze was as cold as a snowy mountain. “I could only do as he wished. I stood in the world for decades. I have never lightly trusted anyone, but I once trusted him. I had even though that perhaps I could regard him as a friend. Even to the very end, I gave him a chance. But, he didn’t give me any chances.”

The Emperor took a deep breath. His calm tone was filled with a heart-chilling coldness. “A servant is always a servant.”

Hearing the word “servant” and hatred and disdain he could not hide, the old cripple in the black wheelchair seemed to suddenly appear in front of Fan Xian’s eyes. He stared at the Emperor. His voice was as sharp and cold as a knife. Through gritted teeth, he said, “The mistakes of the world all belong to others. Of course, Your Majesty is wise and heroic. But, I still do not understand, how exactly did my poor mother die back then?”

The Emperor’s expression was cold. He had absolutely no reaction to Fan Xian’s cutting words. He only narrowed his eyes and looked at him disdainfully. “Including that old dog, all of the enemies of the Qing Kingdom are probably all hoping for what is happening in the royal study now. You didn’t disappoint them. You only disappointed me. As stupid as you are, there is no teaching.”

Fan Xian closed his eyes and then opened them. His gaze had become calm again. “There are just many things that I still do not understand.”

“Don’t think about what you cannot understand.” The Emperor’s tone was light, but it was very clear that he was disappointed in Fan Xian’s behavior. As for his last question inquiring about Ye Qingmei’s death, it had been unconsciously suppressed by the Emperor into the deepest parts of his consciousness, not allowed to rise again. He looked at Fan Xian and coldly said, “In front of me, you are still an official. If you think too much, I will not allow you to continue thinking.”

This was not a threat, only a simple truth. Just as the Eldest Princess had said of Fan Xian in the past, Fan Xian was a person who seemed naturally indifferent and cold. In reality, he was very sentimental and had too many weaknesses to be exploited. During the Jingdou rebellion, the Eldest Princess had achieved her desire and had no need to exploit Fan Xian’s weaknesses. If the Emperor wanted to squeeze Fan Xian tight, it was not a difficult matter.

Hearing these cold and severe words, Fan Xian stood straight. With a straightforward attitude he had never demonstrated in front of the Emperor before, he said, “Your Majesty has treated me very well these years, I know this well…”

In the royal study, the father and son did not put on a show. They said what they most wanted to say, particularly Fan Xian. For the first time, he stood straight resolutely. Slowly, he spoke of each of his interactions with the Emperor these years. When he got to an intense part, even the warming stove in the royal study seemed to sob. The smoke of the incense twisted like it was unable to bear seeing the father and son’s definitive split.

Only Fan Xian himself knew of the Emperor’s kindness toward him. If the person standing in front of the Emperor saying these things was the Crown Prince, the Second Prince, or any of the other sons of the Li family, they would probably be dead already. Yet, Fan Xian was still alive. Perhaps the Emperor was a cold and ruthless person and may not have treated Fan Xian with particular kindness, but, comparatively, the affection he gave Fan Xian was the most.

Listening to Fan Xian’s calm recollections, the Emperor gradually sat up straighter. He waved his hand tiredly and said, “I won’t kill you. It’s not that I don’t bear to kill you.”

The Emperor closed his eyes and was silent for a moment. He then said, “I don’t want to explain what happened in the past to a junior like you. I think perhaps you are a pair of eyes left in the world by those who have been watching me and your mother. I won’t kill you because I want to prove to you, as well as those people who care about you, that I was right.”

He opened his eyes and coldly said, “And, that they were all wrong.”

Fan Xian bowed deeply and replied, “I will stay peacefully in Jingdou and watch Your Majesty’s great undertaking.”

He didn’t thank the Emperor for his grace in not killing him because there was no need for thanks. Since the Emperor was going to let him live, then he was going to live on well with eyes wide open. Watching on behalf of Ye Qingmei, Chen Pingping, and all those people from the past.

“You’ll be peaceful?” The Emperor looked at his son and suddenly laughed. He restrained his laugh and said icily, “I don’t believe that and neither do you. I have never thought that your restlessness was a flaw. I just hope that you won’t be restless to the point I can’t tolerate it.”

“Just stay in Jingdou.” The Emperor glanced at him and suddenly said tiredly, “It’s good to just teach in the Imperial College. Don’t touch the Overwatch Council and palace treasury again. I don’t want to spend too much effort worrying about you.”

Having gotten to this stage, things could not be said more clearly. The Emperor was giving Fan Xian one last chance to survive, if he behaved. Even though this was a threat on his life, for some reason, Fan Xian felt a glimmer of confusion in his heart. He had not thought the Emperor would make such a decision.

The Emperor looked at Fan Xian’s complicated expression. His heart suddenly dimmed. He thought of Fan Xian’s involuntary use of “father” on the seaside in Danzhou. After a moment of silence, he said, “In the future, you may still enter the Palace to give your greetings. When alone, I allow you to call me father.”

At this time, there was no one else in the royal study. It was very quiet. Fan Xian’s body was rigid as he replied, “Yes, Your Majesty.”

…

…

No one knew that was said between the Emperor and Fan Xian in the royal study. When Fan Xian walked out, he was whole and uninjured. He had not turned into a spirit. This reality made most people in the Royal Palace let out a breath.

The Emperor did not issue an edict for Fan Xian to resume his positions. There weren’t even any obscure title grants. On the contrary, at almost the same time Fan Xian walked out of the royal study, a number of prepared edicts were issued. With the court’s six ministries and three temples working together, they continued and increased the work of purging the Overwatch Council and palace treasury. Edicts were also issued summoning Suzhou Zhizhou Cheng Jialin, Jiaozhou magistrate Hou Jichang, and palace treasury transport company’s Su Wenmao back to the capital to debrief. At the same time, the edict promoting Yan Bingyun as Director of the Overwatch Council also left the Palace one step ahead.

It was clear that the internal court had been prepared. The Emperor understood Fan Xian, his son, too well. Even if he didn’t want to kill him, he still had enough ways to trap Fan Xian firmly in Jingdou so that he did not act lightly and misbehave too much.

As for whether or not the messages Fan Xian sent out via the Qinian Unit could become bargaining chips to haggle with the Emperor, it would depend on whether the Emperor had this level of sensitivity or such powerful action potential.

In reality, when it came two these two things, there should be no one in the world more powerful than the Emperor.

Fan Xian walked out of the Palace with a heavy face. Hong Zhu, who saw him out of the Palace, followed beside him carefully and slightly fearfully.