Ch. 289 - The Never-Rotting Burial Shroud

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"Everyone's good, all good!"

Chen Shu smiled and nodded, looking perfectly amiable.

He wrapped an arm around Zhang Dali's shoulder. "Let me make this clear — anyone who crosses Dali crosses me, the Nanjiang Bandit, Chen Shu!"

"Nanjiang Bandit..."

The college students murmured the name under their breath, filing it away.

Although Chen Shu was famous throughout Nancang Province, in Capital his name didn't carry much weight. Plus, these were all university students — practically no one paid attention to high school affairs.

"Chen Pi!"

Zhang Dali turned to look at him, visibly moved.

Chen Shu smiled, then added—

"Of course, beast tamers above Black Iron can feel free to ignore what I just said..."

"??"

Zhang Dali's mouth twitched. Truly, the bonds of brotherhood...

"Cut the crap!"

Fang Si smacked Chen Shu on the head. The three of them chatted and laughed their way toward the Spirit Chef University lab building.

"Today, I'll cook for you personally!"

Zhang Dali led the two of them to his personal lab... well... actually just a small kitchen.

Half an hour later.

Plates of fierce beast meat were brought to the table, aroma billowing everywhere — enough to make anyone swallow uncontrollably.

Zhang Dali's cooking was beyond question. Absolutely top-tier.

Chen Shu pulled out three bottles of Erguotou.[1] The three of them drank together.

Fang Si raised her cup, smiling. "From now on, the three of us are all in Capital. We can gather every single day!"

They downed their cups in one go, faces full of joy.

Chen Shu grinned. "Oh right — Xiao Xing and Old Xie are both coming to Capital for university!"

"They're all coming?"

Zhang Dali said, "Makes sense. Capital's universities have the richest resources. The number of dimensional spaces alone dwarfs any other city."

Dimensional spaces, if not properly suppressed, were potential crises.

But if they could all be guarded, they represented massive beast taming resources.

"Looks like I, the Nanjiang Bandit, am destined to make my name in Capital!"

Chen Shu cracked a grin, his eyes gleaming with anticipation.

Nanjiang was too small. Not nearly enough room for him to wreak havoc.

The key issue was, even if he caused a huge commotion, it couldn't possibly spread nationwide.

But Capital was different. As the capital, any incident would immediately be known across the entire country.

After three rounds of drinks, the three of them — reunited after so long apart — naturally filled the air with laughter and joy.

Chen Shu picked up a piece of fierce beast meat with his chopsticks. "Oh, speaking of Spirit Diet Plans — Dali, whip one up for me too?"

Zhang Dali's mouth fell open, completely stunned. "When did we start talking about diet plans?"

Could you not forcibly hijack the topic like that?!

Weren't we just talking about Xiao Xing and Old Xie...

Chen Shu coughed, completely unruffled. "Don't get hung up on the details!"

Zhang Dali shook his head. "What level of diet plan do you want?"

"There are levels?"

Chen Shu raised an eyebrow. "Obviously the highest level."

For a perfectionist like him, even his potion cultivation was super perfect. He naturally wasn't about to use some low-end diet plan.

"Well..."

Zhang Dali scratched his head, looking a bit troubled. "I just started. What I can put together isn't called a diet plan — it's called feed. It'll only fill them up..."

Different types and levels of contract spirits naturally required different daily diets.

If a top-tier Spirit Chef made a custom diet plan, long-term consumption could provide a significant boost in strength.

"Only my advisor can do it. But my advisor only values geniuses..."

Zhang Dali added, "If that falls through, I can ask Senior Lin. She can make slightly lower-grade diet plans."

"Only values geniuses?"

Chen Shu grinned. "Isn't that just reading off my ID number?"

"..."

"Heh heh..."

The two of them turned to stare at him, faces full of mockery. They'd never seen anyone this shameless...

The three talked about their respective experiences. No matter how long they'd been apart, the relationship between them hadn't changed one bit.

...

Early the next morning.

Zhang Dali brought Chen Shu to his advisor's office.

"You want me to help make a diet plan?"

A middle-aged woman furrowed her brow and sized Chen Shu up.

Cheng Qing, as a Capital Spirit Chef University professor, only made diet plans for the strong. And her prices were sky-high.

The middle-aged woman shook her head, a trace of displeasure in her eyes.

"Go on back. Making a diet plan for that Huaxia Academy girl before was already an exception."

The moment she finished speaking, options appeared before Chen Shu's eyes.

[Option 1: Take out a urea bag, put it over her head, and use force! Completion reward: Never-Rotting Burial Shroud ×1]

[Option 2: Reason with emotion, appeal with logic, demonstrate your astonishing eloquence! Completion reward: Skill "Fireball Barrage" +1]

[Option 3: Use your contract spirit to win her over! Completion reward: Skill "Lightning Strike" +1]

Chen Shu paused briefly. He immediately ruled out the first option.

Though he was somewhat interested in the reward... coffin, tombstone, burial shroud — the whole set was now complete...[2]

In the end, he settled on the third option. [Lightning Strike] was the reward he'd gotten for agreeing to Fang Si's dimensional space invitation.

Zhang Dali pleaded, "Teacher, Chen Shu is also from Huaxia Academy. Please, just help us out."

Professor Cheng Qing shook her head and said flatly:

"Huaxia Academy admits five hundred combat department beast tamer students every year. If I made diet plans for all of them, I'd be extremely busy!"

In that instant, a figure lunged forward.

"Awooo awooo!"

"Holy crap, what the hell?!"

Professor Cheng Qing jolted, nearly falling right over.

A husky kept bouncing back and forth, bursting with chaotic energy.

"Professor, my contract spirit is very talented!"

Chen Shu announced. He'd decided to use his contract spirit to convince her.

Cheng Qing backed away, staring uncertainly. "Contract spirit?!"

"An Elemental Beast?"

She furrowed her brow, recognition dawning.

"What diet plan am I supposed to make for a D-rank contract spirit? If you had an SS-rank, I might consider helping."

Chen Shu said, "Teacher, it's different."

"Different is right. This one's dumber than the average Elemental Beast. I'm starting to suspect this thing is literally just a husky from Blue Star!"[3]

Professor Cheng Qing kept studying the Dumb Husky.

Her expression suddenly shifted. She shrieked, "Don't bite my books!"

The Husky, as if it had sensed her disdain, had pounced directly onto the desk and snatched a book in its mouth.

"Awooo awooo!"

The Husky was immensely pleased with itself. Its intelligent eyes brimmed with pure excitement.

As she moved toward it, it tossed its head and hurled the book several meters away.

Cheng Qing rubbed her forehead. "Please, just leave! Otherwise my diet plan for today is going to be dog meat!"

She turned her head — and saw yet another husky biting her books.

"Awooo awooo!"

The two huskies howled back and forth in succession, tossing books to each other, their faces radiating nothing but joy.

Truly, dumb huskies had the most fun...

[1] 二锅头 (Èrguōtóu): A famously strong, inexpensive Chinese baijiu (clear liquor). The name literally means "second distillation pot" — referring to the production method. It's the working-class drink of choice, perfect for an unpretentious reunion between old friends. Chen Shu bringing out Erguotou rather than something fancier fits the trio's down-to-earth dynamic perfectly.

[2] 永不腐朽的寿衣 (Never-Rotting Burial Shroud): This completes the running gag of Chen Shu's funeral set. Previously, the system offered him a coffin (in an earlier encounter) and a tombstone (in another). The burial shroud is the final piece — forming a complete burial outfit. The system's dark humor lies in progressively offering more complete funeral arrangements to a protagonist who keeps narrowly avoiding death, as if the universe is patiently preparing for the inevitable. Chen Shu's internal note that "the whole set was now complete" shows he's fully aware of the running gag — and finds it amusing rather than ominous.

[3] 哈士奇 / 二哈 (Husky / Dumb Husky): The Siberian Husky is a colossal internet meme in China (as globally) for being spectacularly stupid, destructively energetic, and melodramatically vocal. Known affectionately as 二哈 (Èr Hā, "Dumb Husky"), they're famous for destroying furniture, howling dramatically at nothing, and possessing "intelligent" eyes that contain absolutely zero thoughts behind them. The Elemental Beast's behavior here — book destruction, chaotic bouncing, "intelligent eyes full of excitement" — is a direct and loving play on every husky meme stereotype. Cheng Qing's suspicion that it's "literally just a husky from Blue Star" is the chapter's punchline: the contract spirit is indistinguishable from the meme.