Chapter 80: Choosing the Right Cocktail for the Occasion

The beginnings of a plan were already forming in my mind. Sure, maybe the constable knew Seaport and sword combat better than I did. And yeah, Wynnie and Shivai knew the limitations of their powers more intimately than I could.

But that didn’t matter. The details were just tactics. We needed strategy, and I’d built up a lifetime of encounter strategy from years of pre-buffing before MMORPG raids and TTRPG surprise rounds. If I set this up right, we wouldn’t need heroics from anyone. Things would just fall into place.

If my background granted me an ability, it’d probably be something like [Metagame Knowledge]. That kind of thing can be game-changing, if not game-breaking.

First things first, I needed to make sure the inn was covered. "Lady Talia, can we keep Donald here to watch over this place as well?"

Lady Talia gave me a single nod. "What do you have in mind?"

"I don’t want to leave the inn unprotected. At the very least, we need someone to ring the alarm if Black Ship Raiders drop in.” That was about all Donald was good for, I surmised. That didn’t need pointing out, though. “The rest of us can head toward the fire. I’m guessing that’s where we’ll find the pirates.”

She shifted uncomfortably. "And when we get there?"

"I’m hoping the element of surprise gives us at least one round of advantage,” I said, not bothering to explain. “Wynnie might need to put out some fires and treat anyone with burns."

"Sure! I can do that!" Wynnie put on her determined face, hands gripping her dress nervously.

I could read relief on her face. She didn’t want to use her powers to fight if she could help it. Like a good party leader, I’d incorporated that into my plan.

The next part required a bit more teamwork, though. It was the first major weakness in what I had in mind.

“Shivai, you’re on crowd control duty. That doesn’t mean directing people away from the blaze, either. Your job is to incapacitate one or two pirates for as long as you can,” I explained, suddenly wishing I could just make a video game comparison. “Even if you can prevent them from taking an action for a single round, that’d help a ton.”

Shivai saluted smartly.

Wynnie’s eyes glowed with pride, clearly impressed. “You know so much about this stuff!” she said.

“What do you mean by round?” Lady Talia asked.

“Standard combat time measurement,” I mumbled, pressing on. “Lady Talia, you’re gonna be the tank.”

“Like a water tank?”

“Like a Sherman. Draw their attention, take the brunt of any combat. I’ll run support, and Shivai can add DPS when you draw aggro.” I was really cooking. This plan was perfect. All we were missing was a healer, but PvP could accommodate less traditional roles, anyway. “Meanwhile, I think I can work a bit of magic, too.”

Lady Talia blinked, clearly not as enthralled as the others were by my expert strategery. “Are you planning to confuse them to death?”

She had a point, I realized. Her background hadn’t prepared her for the benefits of a feat like [Metagame Knowledge]. All the sword training in her past—and her real-world experience—was getting in the way.

I needed to put my plan in layperson’s terms so she could understand me.

“You’ll lead the way. If anyone comes at us, you keep them at bay. I’ll back you up however I can—I have a few ideas,” I said, already thinking of a few wildly dangerous possibilities. “Shivai’s charm might be able to keep people from acting for a few seconds. Maybe longer. After she scrambles their brains she’s on dagger duty.”

“Right. Right,” Lady Talia said, catching on. “And Wynnie helps any civilians with burns, but also freezes the ice in their veins?”

“Or the goop in their eyeballs,” suggested Shivai.

“Or none of those!” Wynnie giggled nervously, backing up a step toward the bar. “I don’t even think I’m powerful enough to work with that kind of liquid.”

“Okay. Fine. The plan works. That is, if we can trust everyone to carry out their part.” Lady Talia aimed a pointed glare at Shivai.

The succubus shrank back.

This was my primary worry. That Lady Talia wouldn’t want to work alongside a reformed criminal. My heart went out to the succubus. She’d done nothing but try her best since she got her last chance.

“I trust her,” I said.

“You shouldn’t,” Shivai murmured.

We all looked at her then, shocked. Even Lady Talia seemed surprised by the admission.

But nobody could have felt worse about it than I did. Did Shivai not believe in herself? Or worse, had I placed my trust in the wrong person?

Shivai hung her head slightly, her shoulders slumping. Her tail drooped limply behind her. "I don't think I'd be much use, honestly. All that magic from before really took it out of me. Using much more charm might make me pass out again, and I barely have enough energy to swing a dagger now."

Without thinking, I put an arm around her. It was such a simple gesture, yet wrapped up in it was every ounce of appreciation and belief I had. Heat from her infernal constitution radiated off her. She felt so small and meek under my wing.

Wynnie also rushed over, forgetting about the drink for a moment. She leaned over, offering reassurances like, “There, there,” and “It’ll be alright.”

But it was Lady Talia who surprised me the most. Though she carried herself stiffly and at arm’s length at first, she softened as she took an awkward step forward.

“I won’t ask you to do more than you can. To push yourself. To put yourself in danger,” she began, almost faltering. “But Drew’s right. You bring a lot to the table. Perhaps more than you know.”

Shivai sniffled. “Really?”

“I think your charm might have bought you both your lives tonight. And the dagger tricks you taught him took those of the pirates.” She took a deep breath, then another step forward. Her hand hovered indecisively over the succubus’s back like a guy taking a photo with a girl he’s not sure he’s allowed to touch. “No matter what happens, we’ll… we’ll be stronger if you’re with us.” 

The demonkin blinked, looking to me as if to double check that Lady Talia had actually said that.

I nodded.

“I, um, yeah. Okay." Shivai cleared her throat and stood up a little straighter. “I think I can muster up some energy. But, erm, I might need some help.”

“Sure, honey. Anything you need,” Wynnie assured her.

“Yep. I’ll do what I can,” Lady Talia agreed.

That almost made me blush. If only the constable knew what Shivai was talking about—or what it took to help a succubus muster up energy. She needed passion. Lust would do, but something deeper than that would be ideal.

And as much as I wouldn’t hate seeing them generate mana together, now hardly seemed like the time.

Maybe that could come after, I mused. It seemed like things were slowly turning around between them. And what better way to get over your differences than by getting under the covers?

“What are you smiling about?” Wynnie asked.

Shivai ducked her head, smiling as well. “I’ll tell you later.”

Another gust blew in through the open window. The room was starting to feel thick with smoke. It reminded me of when I first arrived at the Breakwater Inn. Only a mere fire had coughed in the hearth back then, sputtering out more smoke than heat.

That was back when the place was still a hope and a dream. Now it was fully realized, and it was in danger of being taken from us. I looked around. There was so much now to lose.

The tables and chairs had been replaced, polished to a sophisticated shine. The bar top was smooth and glossy from years of use and recent, long-overdue cleaning. We'd added more lamps in strategic areas, lending a warm glow that permeated everything. It was brighter from the new paint, and more welcoming from the artsy crap we’d strategically placed. The painting of Crispy Dan the mutton-chopped sailor no longer looked down on us from his hearthside perch.

The Breakwater Inn felt both cozy and upscale at once. It was a combination of several bars I'd worked in before. Respectable menu. Casual atmosphere. Limited supplies, but serious creativity behind their use.

It hadn't been like this for long, but I loved it. Others in town had their own versions of this. Places where they’d built their lives. Farmer Cal’s barn, for example. It was where his home and his family had grown roots. If I could prevent the heartbreak of having one more person or family lose everything, I had to do it.

The only problem was, I felt like the weak link in my plan. Even with Shivai drained and exhausted, she brought more to the table than I did. [Metagame Knowledge]?

Hah!

I was still just a bartender. At best, an NPC with dreams of reaching level one. Working flair behind the bar wouldn’t get me out of this jam. Nor would convincing angry arsonists to stop and lose a drinking contest. I needed something better than knives, the element of surprise, or a handful of remedial sword training days.

Unfortunately, the only things I knew how to do were to work with alcohol and play tabletop RPGs. Not much a guy could do with those two skills.

Too bad, because now would be the perfect time to cast Fireball.

Huh.

Huh.

"Drew? What's going on?"

I blinked. Wynnie was looking at me with concern in her eyes. She reached out with a tender hand and touched my arm.

"You've just been standing there with a blank expression for almost a minute."

Lady Talia stood back, arms crossed, but I could tell she was worried as well.

I looked at Shivai. "Remember that wizard friend I told you about?"

She nodded slowly. “The one who relied a bit too heavily on fireballs?”

"Drew, no." Wynnie frowned, seeing where this was going. "Didn't you say he killed himself? And you're not a wizard, either."

“I’m close enough. I make a mean cocktail, and I just happen to know the recipe for the meanest one around.” Bravery had reentered the chat. I glanced over at the bar. Just out of sight, right down by the well, we had several bottles of super high-proof moonshine. “Ever heard of a molotov cocktail?” Of course they hadn’t, but I kept going. “I can definitely make magic happen with alcohol. All I need is a lantern and a full bottle of hooch."

"Wait. Are you telling me you want another drink at a time like this?" Wynnie asked, puzzled. "Because, gosh, I could really use one right about now!”

That wasn't precisely what I had in mind, but as soon as she suggested it, it sounded like exactly the right call. We were about to face off against murderous pirates. A little liquid courage could go a long way.

Besides, the Old Fashioned from earlier felt like it was wearing off. I’d finished it, what, like more than ten minutes ago? All that remained of it were ice cubes melting in a glass on the bar top and a warm fuzzy feeling in my stomach.

“We should probably take it easy,” Lady Talia cautioned.

“Pleeeeease!?” Shivai fell to her knees, clasping her hands over her chest. “Have a drink with me!”

There was no flash of purple in her eyes. No whip-crack of her tail that suggested mischief. It was just one girl begging another to drink together.

Yet perhaps there was some strategy to it. The demonkin’s submissive posture had to appeal to the constable’s tendency toward authority. It tugged at her need for justice… somehow.

A hint of color rushed to Lady Talia's cheeks. "I suppose one wouldn't hurt."

"That's the spirit!" I grinned.

Did I need to pun? No.

But if this didn't work, we might all die, and nobody would be around to make me regret it. And if we survived, we'd have plenty else to remember besides a quick joke.

I whipped up a handful of shots, then pulled out some ginger beer with a splash of rum to chase with. The four of us gripped our small glasses tightly. None of us said a word, all waiting for someone else to make the first move.

Obviously, it was up to me. We formed into a loose semicircle, and I raised my shot glass. "Here's to being heroes."

"Bartender heroes," Wynnie agreed.

"And if we die, may we all be reborn anew somewhere nice. Together," Lady Talia said. She glanced at Shivai and let out a long, defeated sigh. "Even you."

Shivai smiled broadly. “I think you mean especially me, you big softie. Come on. Let’s save the town together!”

We all clinked our tiny glasses and threw them back, doing our best not to splutter and gag from the intense, high-proof burn as it trickled down our throats. Immediately, we went for our chasers, settling the raging fire that now lit us up from within.

I plugged a rag into the top of the half-finished bottle of moonshine. Then I tied it to my waistband, the bottom supported in a loose trouser pocket.

Another quick trip behind the bar, and I dual-wielded one open bottle of moonshine and a lantern.

"Are we set?" Wynnie sported a sleepy smile made soft by the equivalent of nearly three shots at once. "I think I'm ready for anything."

Lady Talia's voice was firm and resolute. "Let's finish this."

"Woof. Now I'm even more woozy than before. Still a little light on mana.” Shivai blinked herself back to focus. “But I'm alright. I'll be alright."

She would be alright. I was going to make sure of that. Without grace or dexterity, I let the lantern down on the nearest table and tucked the moonshine bottle loosely under my arm. Then, I grabbed Shivai's hand and pulled her in close.

"Just one more thing.” I caressed the sharp tip of her horn softly. She shivered under my touch, knees buckling. “Come here, you."

I went in for a deep, long kiss. Her forked tongue slid across mine. Every second our lips met, I could feel strength returning to her body.

If she really ran on desire the way she suggested, then turning her on was like a cheat code for infinite mana. I wondered what would happen if I gave her the old up-up-down-down-left-right-left-right and finished it with a B-A Start. After several long seconds in which my free hands felt as much of her as seemed prudent under the watchful gaze of the constable, I finally broke our embrace.

For several seconds longer, Shivai’s eyes remained closed, her lips parted. She came to with a far-off, dreamy expression.

"Woof! That really, um, got me going." Shivai fanned herself and blushed a deep eggplant purple. "I feel like I could charm the feathers off a parrot!"

We made last-second checks, reassuring ourselves that we had everything we needed. Lady Talia had her sword, Shivai had her charm, Wynnie had ice magic, and I had a bunch of alcohol. With a few drinks in me, I had to call that an insurmountable advantage.

I put Donald in charge with strict instructions not to try anything heroic. If he felt the place was in danger, his one job was to ring the alarm bell. We'd come running.

Finally, we stole out into the night. It was an odd sensation. Not like sneaking out in high school, afraid we’d get caught. No, this was more like in college, when my friends and I would pregame before going out and looking for a party to crash.

I felt almost giddy with nostalgic excitement and present-day fear. This was indeed one of the stupidest ideas I'd had to date.

And yet I really thought we had a chance of pulling it off.

"Drew?" Shivai tapped me on the shoulder as we crept down the front porch stairs. "Can I have another?"

"Of course."

Probably best to top her off. We wouldn’t want her running short on mana in a pinch. I curled my arm around her slim waist and drew her near, planting another one on her luscious lips. She returned it deeply, and Lady Talia groaned with displeasure.

Shivai's soft whimper was audible only after our lips parted. She followed up with a look of longing, then a sheepish correction.

"I meant another drink, but that was fantastic. No regrets."

"Oh. Um? I really don't think we should be getting, like, all-the-way drunk before this," I cautioned, listening to the imaginary Lady Talia on my shoulder. The Wynnie on my shoulder just winked and showed off her cleavage. It was a strong counterpoint—especially from an imaginary figment of my conscience. Fake Wynnie won out. "Then again, I wouldn’t want to overthink anything when we find the bad guys. Maybe one more wouldn't hurt."

I passed the open bottle to Shivai. She took a dainty swig and passed it back. I took a dainty swig and offered it to the other two. Smartly, both of them declined.

Then, less smartly, Wynnie caught a devilish smile and reached for the bottle. I wondered if she had a little Wynnie on her shoulder, too.

It was up to Lady Talia to keep us in line.

My eyes scanned the night in search for black against black. The scent of soot lingered heavy in the air. It smelled fresh.

"Is the smoke stronger in any particular direction?" I asked.

Lady Talia paused and looked around. "I think it's coming from up the hill."

Sure enough, a rolling mass of black on black billowed on the hillside. Smoke against the night sky made the stars look blurry and gave the town a sickly tone. A brief flash of orange lit up the plume from underneath as flames burst out of a window, then flickered to a muted luminescence a few seconds after.

"Yikes. Was that a backdraft?" I asked.

"What's a backdraft?" Shivai looked confused. Actually, she looked drunk. Whoops.

"Oh, no. Oh, no." Wynnie shook her head and straightened her dress reflexively. Her eyes looked ready to shed the first of several tears. “Oh, no, no, no.”

"What is it?" I asked.

"We have to go help them. It's just not right."

"Wynnie, who did they get?"

"Come on! We have to hurry!" She hiked up her dress and took off at a nervous run. "It's The Good Inn! They're in trouble!"