Is this destiny?

"Hande? Can I come in?", Sarah asked through the ajar door.

There was no response, so Sarah let herself in. She found Hande on the bed.

"Hande?", Sarah called and sat on the edge of the bed. She saw Hande wiping her cheeks with her palms while suppressing her sobs.

"It's almost dinner time. Will you join us?", Sarah asked.

Hande shook her head. "I'm not hungry."

"You need to eat."

"I don't deserve to eat."

Sarah frowned. "No matter what you think, I say that you need to eat. At least a little bit. Do you want me to bring you food here?"

Hande paused. She already caused so much trouble, and now Sarah wants to bring her food? Hande shook her head. "Don't bring the food here, please."

"Hey…", Sarah reached and placed her palm on Hande's shoulder. "Talk to me. What is bothering you?"

Hande took in a shaky breath. She didn't want to talk, she wanted everyone to leave her alone. But Sarah is here and it's disrespectful not to respond. "I am useless. Just a burden. I was better off at the Beach House. Can I return there?"

"Of course, you can return there. If that is what you truly want. But why do you think that you are useless and a burden?"

"I messed up so many things.", Hande responded in a barely audible voice.

Sarah knows what is bothering Hande, but she needs to hear it from her. "Like?"

"I wanted to help with the race, and I ended up not helping and causing a scene. No one likes me, and they have the right not to like me because I am the smallest, the slowest, and the weakest. No one wants me in their team. I am always last…"

Sarah's heart cracked. "I will not deny that you falling in the lake and hitting your head on the boat caused a scene. But that has nothing to do with you being the smallest, or the slowest, or the weakest. You saw Michael and Oni on the boat. The two of them are a very capable team, yet they ended up hurt. They are proof that accidents happen to the people who take risks and try something new. As long as you keep trying, you will be failing. But that does not mean that you are a failure. You truly fail only when you give up and stop trying."

Hande was quiet for some time. She sat up on the bed and turned to Sarah. "You are saying that I should learn from this."

"Correct.", Sarah confirmed, happy to see that Hande is not completely miserable.

Sarah gave Hande tissue from the side table.

Hande wiped her face and blew her nose, and then she exhaled helplessly. She didn't get it. "What is the lesson here? If something falls into the lake, don't reach for it?"

Sarah pursed her lips and shook her head. "Things would be different if you had a life vest on. As someone who recently learned swimming, you should take the necessary precautions. Another point I want to bring up is that we work in teams so when one person is in trouble, another one can help. We don't plan for accidents to happen, but they do. That is why it's important not to be on your own."

Sarah also wanted to say that Hande should have someone by her side because she is the smallest one, and as a nine years old girl she should not be too adventurous, but Sarah knows that Hande is trying to prove herself so she kept that part to herself.

Hande lowered her gaze. "No one wants to team up with me."

Sarah touched Hande's chin and lifted her head. "Sometimes people will approach you and offer help, but most of the time you need to ask for it. Your other option is to take care of yourself. Think about your circumstances and ensure your safety." 

Sarah saw that Hande is obviously not convinced with what Sarah said. Hande will not ask for help if she thinks of herself as a burden.

Sarah smiled and tried a different approach: "I remember not so long ago, there was a boy in our house. He was the smallest and the slowest one, his temper was explosive and he always caused trouble. No one wanted to be in a team with him. But he worked hard and improved, and now no one looks down on him."

Hande blinked. "Are you talking about Ade?"

Sarah smiled. "I am sure that over time you will hear many stories about his mischiefs. And let me tell you right away: they are true."

Hande's eyes sparkled. "Can you tell me more about it?"

Sarah scooted on the bed and leaned her back against the wall. She gestured to Hande to do the same. It will be a long talk, and they should get comfortable.

"Ade was frustrated that others are better than him, and he channeled that frustration into teasing others, or sometimes even sabotaging other's progress. It was a mess. It was very hard for me to punish him, especially when I saw his cute pout whenever he felt wronged…" Sarah was talking about Ade and Hande listened while barely breathing. She didn't want to miss a single thing.

…

About one hour later…

Hande went to the dining room with Sarah. Her mood improved during her one-on-one chat with Sarah, but now that so many others are present, she is uncomfortable.

"Relax…", Sarah said only for Hande to hear while patting Hande's shoulder. "What is bothering you?"

"I have a feeling that everyone is looking at me.", Hande admitted.

"Not everyone is looking. But they are worried if you are OK."

Hande pressed her lips into a line and went to find a seat. Somewhere far from Ade, if possible. She does not know how to face him.

When she got out of the medical room, Ade was in the hallway and she dashed next to him with the hope that he didn't see her puffy eyes from crying. How embarrassing.

Before coming for dinner, she washed her face with cold water and it helped a bit, but now she feels that her eyes are stinging again. Hande blinked rapidly and stared blankly at the empty plate in front of her. She hopes that food will be served soon so that she can eat something and go back to her room, or out. As long as it's away from here, it will be fine.

"How are you doing?", Masika asked from behind Hande.

Hande didn't need to turn to know who it is. "Fine, thanks for asking.", Hande mumbled and she was happy that Masika didn't ask anything else. She probably left.

Femi sat on Hande's right and Allen on Hande's left.

Hande was happy that Femi and Allen were busy chatting with whoever was sitting on their other side, so she was not in a position that she needs to talk.

A few more kids asked Hande how she is doing, and she forced a smile and responded that she is fine while whishing for everyone to leave her alone.

Hande sat for some time at the table and forced a few bites down her throat before leaving the dining room.

She was looking down and rushing, and ended up taking a wrong turn. She found herself at the door which leads to the garden. Well, she is already here, and everyone else is inside eating so she decided to take a stroll.

Hande went through the garden, over the lawn, and reached the dock. She sat at the edge of the dock with her legs swaying above the surface of the lake and observed the sun, which is moving lower in a steady, yet unnoticeable pace, hiding behind the tall trees on her right.

Part of Hande wanted to return to the dining room and join the lively chatter, but another part of her whispered that she does not belong there and that here is better. Here, at least she knows that she is alone.

Hande remembered Sarah's stories about how Ade was struggling to fit in and how he eventually succeeded. She wondered if she has such willpower, to do such a feat. At this moment, she does not feel like she does. At this moment, she only wants to shrink and disappear. At this moment, she feels defeated.

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