Chapter 189: Regain Myself

A blue streak shot across the pale-white space and slammed into Elias before he could finish his question, wrapping both arms around him and burying her face against his chest.

"Elias!" she exclaimed cheerfully, her voice filled with a joy that she could not contain.

Elias instinctively caught her and returned the embrace, holding her close as he lowered his chin onto the top of her head.

"Monica..." he whispered.

The moment she heard him call her, Monica shuddered in his arms, and her fingers tightened around his back.

She had imagined countless times what it would feel like to embrace him without the interference of her mana projection, yet now that she could finally do so, she found herself unable to say anything.

There was only one problem.

Neither of them could feel the other’s body warmth, nor could they experience the sensation of arms wrapped around them.

They were present as spiritual bodies, and whatever physical sensations they might have experienced in their real bodies were absent.

Even the pain that a person felt within their spiritual body was merely phantom pain, a reflection of what their physical body experienced.

Nevertheless, Monica continued holding him, tightening her arms as though she feared that if she loosened her grip, she might never have another opportunity to embrace him.

Elias felt the fear and panic hidden beneath her cheerful greeting, and he gently patted the back of her head while keeping her close.

"Are you afraid?" he asked softly.

"Why would I be?" she responded, her voice noticeably quieter than before.

"Are you not?" he pressed.

Monica remained silent for a long while, allowing herself to savor the strange satisfaction of their embrace.

It lacked warmth and physical sensation, yet it meant more to her than she could properly express.

For the first time, she was hugging Elias on her own rather than reaching toward him through a mana projection that he couldn’t even see.

She had finally found a way to be close to him, and she wanted to believe that was enough.

But she knew it wasn’t.

It would never be enough.

She wanted to touch him as Natasha and Stella could, to hold his hand, hug him whenever she pleased, and kiss him. She wanted to experience every little thing that the others could take for granted, and eventually, she wanted to be one with him.

Yet her physical body was already one foot in the grave, and the darkness residing within her seemed determined to keep his radiance from ever reaching her.

No matter how confidently she spoke about defeating the poison, deep down, she feared that she couldn’t.

It was far from an ordinary poison.

It was something else masquerading as one, something that grew stronger alongside her while simultaneously keeping her weak.

Every time she thought she had found a way forward, it seemed to pull her back, reminding her that she was still trapped within a body that refused to cooperate.

Her lips trembled, and after struggling with the words for several moments, she finally answered.

"I am... very afraid."

Elias tightened his arms around her as though he could shield her from the darkness simply by holding her close.

"What are you afraid of?" he asked.

"The poison..." she whispered.

He slowly released the embrace, then placed both hands on her shoulders and gently made her look directly into his eyes.

"How can my little mage be afraid of a mere poison?" he muttered with a smile.

Monica’s blue pupils trembled, and she tried to lower her head, but Elias placed a hand beneath her chin and lifted it until their eyes met again.

"Look into my eyes, Monica, and answer me."

She stared into his black eyes, which seemed warmer than burning flames.

For a moment, she wanted to believe that the darkness inside her could never reach her as long as he looked at her that way, but she couldn’t bring herself to lie to him.

"It is not a mere poison," she mumbled.

Elias moved his head a little closer, his expression remaining gentle as he questioned her.

"Who decided that?"

Monica blinked, momentarily caught off guard by the unexpected question.

"What?"

"Are you giving up already?" he asked, his voice quiet but firm.

She stared at him for several seconds before her gaze drifted away, settling on the pale expanse surrounding them.

"I have been going through this for three years," she admitted, her voice growing heavier with every word.

"I have tried so many things, and I have spent countless hours in arccane, but I still cannot understand what is happening inside my body. I just feel like I cannot do anything to defeat it anymore."

Elias’s heart sank as he listened to her confession.

For someone who had always carried herself with such confidence, admitting that she was afraid must have been difficult, and he could only imagine how much frustration and helplessness she had kept hidden behind her usual teasing remarks.

His expression darkened briefly, but he soon smiled again, making sure that the warmth in his eyes didn’t fade.

"For the last twelve years, I, too, was barely alive," he began calmly. "All I did was swing a sword in the hope of achieving something that seemed impossible."

Monica’s attention returned to him, and she listened without interrupting as he continued.

"I rarely talked to anyone, and even when I did, it was usually with the servants and guards who pitied me. However, even they were afraid of what the clansmen might do to them if they got too close to me, so they kept their distance whenever they could."

His gaze gradually grew distant as memories of his years in the Crimson Ducal Clan resurfaced, bringing with them the familiar loneliness he had once accepted as an unavoidable part of his life.

"Even then, I stupidly believed that if I reached the impossible, they would finally consider me one of them."

"Deep down, I knew they would never acknowledge me because my lack of talent was not really the reason they treated me that way. It was merely an excuse, a justification they could use to convince themselves that their cruelty was deserved."

He paused briefly before continuing, "Yet, I kept chasing their respect and acknowledgment as though obtaining them would somehow make everything worthwhile."

A faint, wistful smile appeared on his face.

"Before I knew it, I had become obsessed with it, and I started losing myself."

Monica watched him quietly as she tried to understand the person he had been before their marriage.

"Then came the day when everything changed," he continued.

He raised his hand and gently cupped her face, drawing her attention back toward him.

"What day?" Monica asked curiously.

"The day on which everything started," Elias answered. "I was summoned by the Head Lady and told that I would marry the three of you according to the King’s decree."

Monica’s expression turned slightly somber, although curiosity remained in her blue eyes.

"What did you feel back then?"

"I was scared... I was angry. Shocked," he admitted with a small, self-deprecating smile.

"But I did not show it because I was still trapped in the delusion that they considered me a Crimson and simply wanted a real reason to acknowledge me completely. So I agreed, even though I was frightened of you, Stella, and practically everyone and everything around me."

He gently rubbed his thumb across her cheek, his expression softening as he continued.

"But when I finally saw the three of you, I could not help wanting to help you. That was the day I began to regain the person I had once been, because for the first time in years, I had something to care about beyond proving myself to people who would never accept me."

Monica’s eyes trembled, and she felt a tremor pass through her spiritual body as she listened to his words.

"And I intend to do whatever it takes to find a cure for your poison," Elias added.

"Elias..." she whispered, her voice barely audible.

"So please, do not give up. Let me help you, and let us find the answer together."

Before Monica could respond, Elias leaned forward and pressed his lips against hers, kissing her as deeply as he could within their spiritual forms.

For the next several seconds, the two remained close, their arms wrapped around each other as they shared a kiss that conveyed everything they struggled to express in words.

[Ding!]

[Affection Rate is increasing!]

Although they couldn’t feel the familiar warmth of one another’s bodies, neither seemed willing to let that limitation diminish the moment.

When they finally parted, Monica stared at him for a brief moment before a bright smile spread across her face.

Then she crossed her arms over her chest and lifted her chin, adopting the familiar air of confidence that Elias knew so well.

"You stupid husband! Do you really think I, Monica Ragnar, the future greatest and strongest Magus, am afraid of something as insignificant as this poison?" she exclaimed with a laugh. "Haha! You really underestimate me."

Elias chuckled, relieved to see her usual confidence returning.

"Right, I was being emotional over nothing."

He reached forward and began patting her head, gently running his hand over her hair.

Monica’s face immediately turned beet red, and she stared at him in disbelief.

"W-What are you doing?! I am not a child!" she stammered.

"Well, then you can simply move away," Elias replied, continuing to pat her head.

"S-Shut up!" she exclaimed, tightening her fists while remaining exactly where she was.

Elias’s smile widened, but he refrained from teasing her any further for the moment.

Instead, he allowed her to enjoy the affection she had been craving, and after a little while, Monica’s attention finally shifted toward the enormous red sphere behind him.

"Is that your Aura Core?" she asked.

Elias followed her gaze and nodded.

"It is."

"Have you gone inside it?" she questioned, her curiosity becoming increasingly apparent.

"I have not," he answered.

Monica glanced at him before asking, "Are you waiting for the call?"

He nodded again, and she immediately suggested, "There is nothing wrong with checking it out, is there?"

Elias looked at her with a wry smile, already understanding what she was thinking.

"You just want to examine it from the inside so you can learn more about it."

"Of course. Why else?" she replied with an exaggerated shrug, as though the answer should have been obvious from the beginning. "I need to understand Aura, and only then will I be able to understand the Auracle."

The next instant, Elias slipped one arm beneath her knees and the other around her back before lifting her into his arms.

"You should have said so at the beginning," he remarked as he began walking toward the enormous red sphere.

Monica stared at him with a deadpan expression, momentarily too surprised to respond.

"I can walk in this form, you know."

Elias glanced down at her with a mischievous smile.

"You do not want me to carry you?"

Monica immediately looked away, her cheeks growing warmer despite her attempts to maintain a composed expression.

"Of course I do. I am the princess, and you are my knight."

"Indeed, My Princess," Elias replied, his smile widening as he continued toward the Aura Core.

As they approached, the surface of the enormous red sphere began to shift, and a section of it slowly curved inward before opening to the side.

A gigantic hole appeared in its place, revealing a shimmering red light that illuminated the surrounding space and led into what looked like a world covered in dense red fog.

Monica stared into the opening, her earlier confidence wavering just enough for her to swallow nervously.

"Are you sure it would not do any harm to me?" she asked, tightening her arms around his neck.

"I am," Elias answered confidently.

Then, without another word, he took a step forward and crossed the threshold into his Aura Core.

Behind them, the gigantic hole closed on its own.