Imperfect Desires

*Flashback Continued*

Chen Hana thought that since Xiu was getting accustomed to society, her psychological condition will improve. Her childhood trauma, she'll be able to overcome. However, Xiu's psychological shadow wasn't that easy to remove. 

If anything, it only deepened with time. 

They say a good actor is one that can become one with the character they are about to play.

Xiu was known to be that kind of an actor. There was no wonder why she succeeded and why she was highly praised always. But it had its deadly drawbacks. 

The characters Xiu played, started to haunt her life. Her psychological condition had never recovered from the very beginning. She had just found a distraction for herself and while acting, she had learned to act normal. But at the end of the day, she was still the same person who had nightmares and whose personal life was filled with gloom.

The first time Chen Hana noticed that something was seriously wrong was when Xiu was sixteen and suddenly insisted on becoming a golf player. At first, Chen Hana thought she was just momentarily interested in golf and didn't take it seriously. Later, when she attended the premiere of Xiu's film, her eyes widened in shock.

The character she played as was a golf prodigy and she was obsessed with golf. 

Chen Hana's heart shook when she realized the implication of this fact. She couldn't help contacting a psychologist for her. And it was later confirmed that Xiu had started to take fictional characters too seriously and emotionally. She would lose herself in acting. 

And she wasn't the first one to do so either. There were plenty of actors who once lost themselves in their roles to the point of committing suicide or going insane completely. It scared her so much that she tried to stop Xiu from acting.

But that was the only thing that brought Xiu happiness, she couldn't stop herself from loving what she did. Several times, Chen Hana blamed herself for her condition. She thought if she wasn't obsessed with making Xiu reach the top, Xiu could have been saved but it was too late now.

*End of Flashback*

The entries on the diary had become scarce towards the end. But one thing was consistent, Chen Hana was constantly left disappointed when she couldn't help Xiu.

'Her psychologist said she is losing the sense of reality. Her memories are all messed up. It's like her mind is playing a joke on her. She can only recall bad memories of her life. As if nothing good ever happened around her.'

Reading that, Xiu's mind buzzed as her whole body trembled. Those words were not wrong. She agreed. It was only recently that she had started dreaming about the smallest details of her childhood. Before that, she always felt like her life was shrouded in darkness. 

She was mentally ill and she had known that for a long time now. She just never realized it had been so bad. No wonder people were able to manipulate her so easily. She was already an easy target for anyone. 

She continued to read further...

'I've tried to get close to her. But it only made me realize that I have forgotten how to get close to people. Even if I want to become family to her, I won't be able to do so. She and I both need a family. But she and I both don't know how to become family to each other.'

Xiu couldn't help laughing at that statement. It really was no surprise that Chen Hana couldn't become a good mother. She didn't even know how to be a good person anymore. 

The last entry on the diary was made on the day of her death...

'I killed her. I knew it. Whoever stayed close to me would die. That's why I wanted her to find her family sooner. At least, her fate would have been different. I really am like demon spawn. First, I ate up my whole family, and now... She is also gone. I wonder what I am doing in this world even now when everyone is gone?'

Xiu hugged the diary as she closed it and closed her eyes for a long time in silence.

"Can we come inside?"

Xiu opened her eyes and looked at Darren who stood at the door with their son in his arms. Xiu smiled at him and nodded her head.

Darren hurriedly passed their son to her saying, "This one had been missing you a lot."

"Are you sure, he was the one missing me?" questioned Xiu with a gentle smile. Darren sat down on the carpet right beside her feet and put his hands on her knees as he looked up at her. Noticing his eyes, she said, "Stop worrying about me."

"I can't stop it," he answered honestly.

Xiu patted her son lovingly as she looked at his small face and told Darren, "Today I finally know why I shared the same birthday with Destiny. It's because it was the day Chen Hana found me. So, she took that day as my birthday. For one lifetime, I celebrated the birthday of the girl whose body I'm currently occupying." She looked up at Darren and added, "And it seems, for this second lifetime, I'll still celebrate Destiny's birthday."

Darren put his head on her leg as he said, "It's okay. I'll continue to celebrate your birthday. The one that only belongs to you."

Xiu tried to hold herself back but her tears still fell down like a stream. She couldn't stop herself or her tears. Her feelings for Chen Hana were already complicated enough. 

"Regan, your wife is insane!"

Darren chuckled at her words, "It's okay. I fell in love with her insanity from the very beginning." He looked up at her and wiped her tears saying, "I don't mind it. And I never will. She'll always be my Sweets. And as I always say, I'm equally insane. We compliment each other well."