Imperfect Desires

Xiu's placed her one side of the face against the cold glass window and had the phone on the other side. Her hot face felt a cooling sensation from the glass which kept her awake. There was long silence from the other side which made her pout as she questioned, "Why aren't you talking?"

"Sweets, look out the window," she heard his reply in a breathless voice. Xiu frowned and looked outside to find him standing at the bus stop. He waved his hand at her and asked, "Aren't you getting off?"

"What are you doing here?" She asked absentmindedly. Why she needed the answer? She couldn't tell. But her mind and heart, both needed to hear his reply. 

"Obviously, I came to take you home," he replied with an attempt to smile at her. Even in Xiu's half-drunken state, she could tell that he looked sad but why was it that his presence made all her sadness go away?

The bus started again and Xiu got up shouting, "Uncle, stop the bus. This is my stop." Apologizing for the delay, she ran off the bus and came to stand right before Darren. "You really came for me?"

Darren couldn't understand the sparkle in her eyes but he nodded as he said, "Yes. I came for you. How have you been, Sweets?"

Tears had pooled up in her eyes as she laughed. Her feelings were in a mess earlier. But not anymore. She had felt a noose tightening around her neck when she heard Zhou Jinhai's voice but seeing Darren, it had loosened up on its own. The cold numbness in her heart was replaced with a warm and cozy feeling. Where it came from? She didn't know at all. 

She always felt that there was a chain around her ankles holding her back. Linking her to her past. But when he said, 'I came for you.' Xiu felt like breaking free from it. And she did as if that invisible chain shattered, and Xiu jumped up wrapping her arms around Darren's neck taking him by surprise.

On instinct, Darren had lifted his arms but put them back by his sides. Xiu sniffled and spoke, "I can't even remember the last time someone came running for me. Perhaps, because no one ever did."

She pulled away from him and laughed with tears trickling down her face. Darren didn't know whether she was happy or sad? Or both at the same time? He had earlier questioned himself why he got worried knowing that she was drunk and alone on the bus. But now he didn't want to question himself anymore. 

Not all questions necessarily had an answer. Some questions should be left as they are. Only time could answer them. Just like his feelings right now which he didn't know how to define.

He wiped her tears with his thumb and said, "You look ugly." Xiu slapped his face making him gape at her in surprise and disbelief. He held his hand against his cheek where she just struck and not lightly either. "Do you have to slap for such a small matter?"

Xiu raised her hand again and he took a step back. In the end, Xiu hit his chest repeatedly as she whined, "It was such a harmless joke. Did you have to vanish just because of a text? Do you know how anxious I was thinking that I might have ruined our friendship? How can you not even text me back?"

Darren held her wrists to stop the assault and said, "Listen to me."

"Why should I?" Xiu tried to squirm her wrists out of his wrists but it didn't work. She lifted her leg and Darren had to catch it between his own legs while she scowled. "Even if I was flirting, does the idea sound so bad that you disappeared for three days? No text, no calls. Even neighbors should have some sense of propriety. I never thought you're this irresponsible!"

Darren stared at her face while she went on and on and on without a single break in between. Her attention was on venting and his attention was how cute she seemed during this outburst. He was really feeling the void of Chen Xiu badly tonight. Why was this little friend of his making him feel so weird?

He chuckled at her outburst and let her go. Even though his laughter turned into tears, he couldn't stop himself. He just couldn't stop laughing. As for why he laughed, he didn't know. He really didn't know. 

"Are you seriously laughing at me right now?" Xiu was dumbfounded at his laughter. He shook his head and wiped the tears that had escaped from his eyes and Xiu was left baffled. She held his hands and looked into his eyes with a childlike curiosity. "Why are you crying? Tell me, who dared to upset my friend. Xiu will fight for you. Just tell me."

He smiled at her fighting pose and held her hand saying, "Aigoo! Little tigress, you don't have to fight with anyone. The one who is making me cry is already gone."

He had spoken the last words in barely a whisper but Xiu somehow managed to catch it as she patted his shoulder and said, "There is no use crying over spilled milk. If the person is gone, then it's their bad. But if you're holding yourself back for someone who's gone, then that's your bad."

At this point, Darren couldn't tell she was drunk or sober. Darren waved his hand before her eyes and asked, "How many fingers do you see?"

Xiu opened her eyes wide and counted, "One... Two... Three... Four... There are four fingers." She grinned at him as she almost lost her balance and he had to hold her body up. 

"Definitely drunk," he mumbled and sighed out since he was only holding two fingers up and she counted four.

What he didn't notice was the way Xiu looked at him. There were no signs of intoxication in her eyes. Instead, her eyes were clear now as if she had woken up from a dream. It had taken her a wasted life to realize the value of words, she had said to him. If only she had the courage to accept and live with those words back then.

As he helped her in walking, she asked again, "Why didn't you reply?"