Imperfect Desires

"No comparison?" questioned Xiao Li as his brows arched up. 

Han Bohai nodded his head, his eyes were still on Xiu's face. He took a deep breath before turning to Xiao Li as he said, "I don't think there is any need to compare."

Before Xiao Li could ask anything else, Francesca suddenly said, "It's been a while I heard that name. I almost forgot all about her."

Xin Zimen's eyes narrowed as he looked at Francesca and asked, "Do you also know Chen Xiu?" Francesca nodded her head in reply. "How?" He further inquired in curiosity. After all, Francesca wasn't from around here and she never had an interest in celebrities either. It was quite surprising to see that she also knew Chen Xiu.

"Mama!" Darren called out to his mother in an attempt to stop her from saying anything but the latter didn't get the hint.

Francesca pointed at her son saying, "Isn't it because she was my son's, first love?"

Darren closed his eyes as soon as she said that. 

"What?!" 

That was the reaction of almost everyone at that table. Except for Ying who already knew about that. 

"Are you serious?" questioned Nora.

Francesca gave her a nod, "Of course, I'm serious. It's not easy for me to forget the way my son suffered because of that girl."

"Mama," Darren called out again. "Will you please stop?"

"How can I?" retorted Francesca. "I almost lost my only son because of her. I'll never forgive her for that."

"But the dead doesn't care whether you forgive her or not," Xiu suddenly voiced out. She smiled at Francesca softly as she went on, "Because the dead can't ask for forgiveness either."

Both Darren and Han Bohai stared at Xiu's face. She really spoke as if she was talking about someone else. Her expressions didn't show her feelings at all. 

Francesca also looked at Xiu gently and said, "But I'm indebted to her as well." Xiu arched her brow as she went on, "Because she was the one who gave my son a reason to live as well."

Xiu chuckled, "You sure have a love-hate relationship with Chen Xiu."

Darren knew how his mother thought of Chen Xiu. She usually would never bring it up. At least, not before him. But now it seemed she believed that he had moved on from her and that's why she was so comfortably letting out her feelings. 

Actually, he couldn't even blame his mother for having such contradicting feelings for Chen Xiu. He was the one to blame. He had done some pretty dumb stuff after Chen Xiu's death. 

But Francesca didn't know that the Chen Xiu she spoke was sitting right here with them. That's why Darren had been observing Xiu's expressions since the time Chen Xiu's name had been brought up. Although it seemed like she felt nothing listening to it all, he knew better. 

Xiu noticed Darren's gaze on her face and smiled at him, "Regan, next time don't fall for a coward."

"She wasn't a coward!" Said both Darren and Han Bohai simultaneously.

Xiu looked at their reaction and laughed out happily. It was a peal of genuine laughter. "You both don't need to start a fight with me." She looked at Han Bohai and said, "My dear superstar, I called her a coward because she didn't fight for herself. Instead, she chose to give up on everything including her life."

"She had to fight a battle with herself daily," said Han Bohai through gritted teeth. "And we can't possibly win all the fights in life. She didn't give up on herself. She gave up on the people who didn't try to understand her." He took a pause before saying, "But you should understand that. After all, I heard you're her big fan. Isn't that's why you took her name?"

Xiu stared into his eyes and shook her head, "I didn't choose her name because I'm her fan. It was because I wanted to be like her." That's what Destiny had written in her letters. She wasn't lying at all as she told him, "She was the person who saved my life without even thinking once. I wanted to become as selfless as her."

Han Bohai scoffed to himself, "Then I'm glad you didn't become like her. Her selflessness took her life. I wouldn't want you to go through that."

Xiu smiled at him, "Actually, I'm even more thankful to her now. With her death, she made me realize how important it was to be selfish in this world."

Han Bohai's eyes seemed to be asking Xiu a million questions. He was wondering how or why it was so easy for her to pretend like she wasn't talking about her own self? He was wondering whether she really hated that previous version of herself that much? Because he certainly loved the person she was. And it was her selflessness that made him believe in love and goodness. How could she question it all now?

From all this conversation, someone picked an important clue, "What do you mean by Chen Xiu saved your life?" asked Xiao Li.

It was Han Bohai who answered him, "Sister Xiu gave her blood to save her life. Just like she gave her bone marrow to save your other cousin's life."

Xiao Li's eyes widened in shock, "My other cousin? Are you referring to Liu Nuan?"

"Do you have another cousin?" retorted Han Bohai unhappily. "I still hate my sister Xiu for saving that backstabber's life. No offense, but she was better off dead!"

"Wishing for someone's death doesn't make you a better person," said Xiu in a stern voice while glaring at Han Bohai. Her eyes were rebuking him and he could tell. That's how she looked at him back then. Even the words were still the same. 

"I don't wish to be a better person," he retorted. "If Liu Nuan was given a chance, she'd be the first one to take my Sister Xiu's life. But my sister was a bit cracked from her head, she couldn't do the same to her!"

"I think if Chen Xiu was given another chance, she'd still choose to save her life," was what Xiu said with conviction in her voice. "And you know that too."