Imperfect Desires

"Paige, I have looked through the contract. Send it to the legal team. I'll directly be going for the meeting so I'll see be late," Darren was instructing his secretary on the phone while changing his shoes in the foyer. 

"Boss, CEO Mo wants to see you for the Flick City project," his secretary informed him.

Darren's hand on the doorknob paused for a second before he pulled open the door and said, "Then if there is nothing important, clear my itinerary for the afternoon. I'll go to Capital myself." 

"Okay, boss," she replied in a plain voice.

Darren hung up the call and walked towards the elevator. There was already someone waiting for the elevator. But Darren was confused to see that even though the elevator was empty that person was not stepping inside. What was that hesitation all about?

"Where are you lost? The elevator is already here," Darren waved his hand before Xiu's face almost startling her and entered the elevator. 

But Xiu still didn't move. Now her attention was fixed on Darren's face. Even though he looked refreshed and energized but that same look seemed really familiar to her. 'Fear in disguise'. That one phrase unconsciously came to her mind. 

Darren pressed the button of the elevator to stop it as he raised his eyebrows in question, "Aren't you gonna enter, Sweets?" 

Xiu nodded and stepped inside. The elevator doors closed and Xiu's eyes found their way back to Darren's face. Do you know what fear in disguise is? No? Honestly speaking, every one of us is familiar with this phrase. We live with it.

Fear of showing your sadness, distrust, or simply of being yourself. We all have it inside of us. But to hide it, we disguise it with a whole new persona of ourselves. But calling that persona as confidence would be wrong because, at the end of the day, it's still just a disguise.

If Darren thought his disguise was perfect then he was mistaken. Because Xiu had seen that same disguise on her own face too many times that she lost count. Spending a night drowning in tears and wearing the mask of a smile to face the world. How could an actress like her not be familiar with such an obvious disguise?

"Is there something on my face?" Darren asked as he lifted his eyes from the phone screen since he could feel her burning stare for a while now.

"Are you okay?" She asked straightforwardly without dilly-dallying anymore. It was better to just ask straight away than waiting for an excuse to ask the same question.

Darren tilted his face in a thoughtful way and replied, "Just a bit stressy and a little depress-y. But everything else is just peachy and bright-y."

The elevator doors opened at the ground floor and giving her a smirk, he walked out. Xiu followed him out but stayed quiet. Darren looked back at her and asked, "Don't you have any comment now?"

Xiu shook her head with a small smile. "Even paper planes have the right to crash down. How can we as humans can't have those days? I believe we are all the same. Crying the same tears at night. I don't have the right to comment on you being stressed or depressed. After all, we are the generation with happy pictures but sad lives. But..."

"There it is... I knew there was a but coming," Darren's voice seemed playful and oddly, it felt even sadder to her.

Because she knew to be funny was not always easy. Every action, words, feelings, even sadness, and tears are part of that one joke... All hidden behind that one smile.

Xiu caught up with him and tapped his shoulder saying, "But I have come to learn something." He gave her an inquisitive look and she continued, "Glossing up your sadness makes it uglier." Darren's eyes widened considerably. "A smile with tears in your eyes can never be a pretty smile even if you want to believe it otherwise. Life needs balance. Joy and sadness are both parts of us. Then why try dodging any of it. Isn't talking about it better?" She patted his back and went on, "Don't keep it in. Talk to someone about your stress. Talking can do wonders... It's sad that I learned it too late."

She shook her head in disappointment at her previous self and turned to leave. 

"Sweets!" He called her from behind and she turned around. "You're right. You really have an old soul in there. But I'm still thankful for it."

"Sheesh." Xiu smiled and said, "Use an ice pack. The rims of your eyes are still red. It won't look good if people noticed it." 

"Will do," he replied with a blithe smile and wore his sunglasses. He was aware of his own sensitive eyes. Crying always had consequences for him. How could Xiu not figure out that he cried with those obvious signs? However, she still didn't point it out directly. Looking at her for a second longer, he opened the door of his car and said, "Sweets, I never thought I'd see snow in summer. Did the rain change the weather last night?" He looked really worried about it as he settled in the back seat of his car.

"Huh? What?" Xiu didn't understand his meaning at all. Why did the conversation change so abruptly? She scratched her head and saw something falling from her peripheral vision. As she tilted her head to look at her shoulder, she was dumbfounded. "DARREN!!!" 

She shouted his name while Darren was laughing out loud at her reaction. He waved his hand at her as his car revved past her. Xiu was left trembling in anger. She brushed off stupid dandruff from her shoulder which he just called snow. And felt like pulling her own hair. Why did I change my hair product? This is humiliating!

Xiu kicked and punched in the direction Darren left and screamed. "Can't he put his sharp tongue to some good use? Why is he always doing this to me?"

But after a moment of feeling the humiliation, she was laughing her way to the office. If he hadn't noticed it, she would have been even more humiliated in the office.