Imperfect Desires

Darren felt like he had slept for far too long. It felt like it took him years to find his way back home. He knew who was looking for. He knew who he was running to. But... He just couldn't seem to reach out to her.

He kept pushing and pushing until he finally managed to find his way back home...

His eyes fluttered, it took him a lot of effort to actually open his eyes but as soon as he, his vision was dark. Whether opening his eyes or closing, it was the same. He didn't panic. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath before opening his eyes again. This time, he could see some light around him. It was bleak but it was there.

Slowly, the light brightened as he managed to see around with a blurry vision.

"Mr. Salvay," he heard someone calling him. He didn't move. "Can you hear me?" 

Dr. Ling had been checking up on him every hour. But hadn't seen any change in his condition. He had already been subconscious for 38 hours. She thought if this continued, his condition might get worse after 48 hours. So, she had actually been anxious. She had already seen how important this patient was. Why else would she see two other doctors called for him apart from her? 

So, now that she saw Darren's eyes opening slowly when she had just come to his side, she was pleasantly surprised. More like she could finally breathe again in peace. She had never been this nervous with any of her patients before. 

"Mr. Salvay," her voice was soft and soothing. "Tell me if you hear me."

Darren tried to nod but his head was feeling heavy. He slowly focused his gaze on the person standing beside him and soon, the face before him cleared up. A female doctor's dark black eyes stared back at him, patiently waiting for his response. When she noticed that his eyes were staring at him intently, she could vaguely tell that he could see her clearly and he could hear her as well.

He opened his mouth but nothing came out. No sound. He frowned because of this.

Dr. Ling pressed her lips and gave him a reassuring smile, "Is it difficult to talk? Take it easy. Do you want to drink some water? Just blink twice to let me know."

Darren blinked twice slowly and she hurriedly put a straw in his mouth. As he felt the warm water flowing down his throat, he felt much better.

Dr. Ling checked his vitals and after confirming everything was fine, she asked, "Can you see me clearly?" Darren blinked twice again. "That's a relief," she sighed out.

She saw him trying to move his lips and waited until she heard a very low whisper, "My wife?"

Dr. Ling folded the screen beside his bed and pointed at the bed on the other side, "She is right there. Sleeping peacefully. Both your wife and your baby are safe. You don't have to worry at all."

Darren forced his head to turn and looked at Xiu. Only then did his heart settled. A lone tear slid down from the corner of his eye as he thought to him, 'I'm finally home.'

Dr. Ling continued to ask his questions which he answered throw blinking. She didn't take much of his time and said, "Take rest. I'll check up on you again."

He didn't react, only saw her leaving. He and Xiu weren't the only people in the room. Four nurses have been assigned to keep watch 24/7 taking turns in pairs. Darren's eyes went back towards Xiu and he continued to gaze at her with a gentle look in his eyes.

He could still recall everything he had dreamed about. And he still remembered the feelings that dream evoked within him as well. He had to say it, losing Chen Xiu was scary back then. But the idea of losing his Sweets was scarier to him. Even if they were the same person, he couldn't help this feeling.

He didn't actually have to think to come to a conclusion regarding why he had such a dream. He knew the answer in his heart. Until now, he had not been able to come out of the guilt he felt regarding not being able to save Chen Xiu back then. He believed if he had been a little earlier she would have been saved. 

However, he knew that was just what he thought. Even if he had been earlier, there was no guarantee he'd have been able to save Chen Xiu. How can you save someone who had already killed themselves over and over again? Only the funeral of hers was held too late otherwise Chen Xiu had long died inside. It's just a pity that we don't hold the funeral for someone who has died inside.

But the question that dreams brought to him was tricky. If he was given a chance to go back in time to save Chen Xiu, would he really want to leave everything he had now to make that exchange? Was he really willing to lose everything he had now, for some possibility of yesterday? Could he really give up on this beautiful present that had millions of possibilities for just one moment that had already passed?

He didn't know about the past but he definitely didn't want to lose his present. Either it was his wife or their baby or their whole life before them. He couldn't bring himself to give up on any of it. 

'You're not just my most beautiful present, you're my most beautiful future as well.' 

He wanted to say those words to Xiu but she was sleeping and he could speak clearly yet. But he wasn't worried now. Because now, his Sweets lying right there beside him. Within his reach. He didn't have to worry at all. As long as she was there, he could get out of any setbacks.