Imperfect Desires

"Your mother is still a work of art I can't seem to appreciate."

Those were the first words that came out Su Feifei's mouth when she came to Xin Zimen's side. The latter stared at her face for a full minute in silence.

"She said something to you?" asked Xin Zimen.

"Just the usual why I'm not acting my age, why I'm still single and blah blah blah. Like what the hell, bro! It's fucking my life. What I do with it is my concern!" She was breathing heavily as she said, "I wish my Sister Ai was here, that old woman wouldn't even dare open her mouth!"

Xin Zimen cleared his throat before saying, "The main reason she always finds faults with you is that she could never say those things to Wen Ai."

Su Feifei laughed heartily, "If she did, wouldn't my sister have set her hair on fire."

"She'd already done that though," reminded Zhao Huan who came to join them. "That sister-in-law of mine was indeed fearless. I really can't forget the ways she used to pick fights with our mother-in-law."

"I still can't get over the face your mother used to make whenever Sister Ai used to come before her."

Xin Zimen was shaking his head listening to these two women reminiscing about his wife. He wasn't even surprised that the things people remembered about Wen Ai had all to do with her troublesome nature.

She was like a walking time bomb and it was never pretty whenever she exploded. 

"If she had been alive, this wedding would have become a memorable event," said Zhao Huan with a slight smile playing on her lips.

"Like she made your wedding an unforgettable experience?" 

Zhao Huan narrowed her eyes at Su Feifei dangerously, "Don't remind me of that day. No matter how much I loved Wen Ai, I'd always hate her for what she did on my wedding day."

Su Feifei shrugged her shoulders nonchalantly, "I think she just made your wedding more relevant."

"What did you say?!" 

Su Feifei took a step towards Xin Zimen to hide behind him as she answered, "Sister Huan, let's face it. Because of Sister Ai, everyone in your circle remembers your wedding. It became a historic event."

Zhao Huan snorted at that. "Historic? I only wanted a bloody simple wedding!"

"She is already gone, can we get over it now?" 

Xin Zimen couldn't help but breaking up their argument. As much as he loved hearing about his wife, he wasn't enjoying it today. In fact, it was making it difficult for him to keep a strong front. After all, the one who gave him the strength to stand tall before the world was no longer standing by his side.

He actually believed that he lost his strength along with his wife. Now, he was just a shell keeping up a facade every day and every night before this world.

"Actually, I believe if Sister Ai was alive, this wedding wouldn't even be happening." Su Feifei looked over towards Xin Xiaoli and Qiu Meihui who were getting congratulations from guests and sighed, "She loved Xiao Li the most since he was her first child. She'd never let him go through with this wedding."

"But she would never force him to marry Ying either," added Zhao Huan knowingly.

Su Feifei nodded her head, "Yes, she wouldn't but I don't think I need to tell you that Xiao Li doesn't look happy."

"I think you both have too much time on your hands," said Xin Zimen as he didn't feel like discussing his son's happiness. Even he could see his son wasn't happy but that son was stubbornly trudging on this path of unhappiness for some unknown reason.

"Xiao Zi, when I asked Xiao Li if he is happy with this, do you know what he said?" Xin Zimen looked at his sister in law and stayed quiet. "He said..."

***

'I'm okay, aunt!' That was the reply Zhao Huan received from Xiao Li which left her baffled.

'Ah-Li, there is a huge difference between being happy and being okay. How can you compromise on your happiness with an okay relationship?' She retorted unhappily.

'Aunt, look around you for once. How many people do you think are settling for okay? People tend to choose an okay job, okay friends, and even an okay life. Why can't I just go for an okay relationship? Isn't okay the most comfortable and easy choice of our life? It's okay to feel okay with just okay.'

That long speech earned him a beating from Zhao Huan who was even more furious. 

'Alright, people are fine with okay and that's okay! But... Okay can never make you happy. It'll only leave a void in your heart and in your life. Just okay eats up the thrill, excitement, and passion from your life. And that's not okay!'

Xiao Li took her hands in his own as he said, 'Auntie, after my mom, I respect you the most. And you know me very well. Yes, okay is not life-changing or unforgettable but the desire I once had for that life-changing, and unforgettable love is gone now. That was my wishful thinking.'

'Silly boy, life gives everyone a second chance. Why can't you wait for yours? Don't make this okay relationship a reason to risk your absolutely everything. Even if there is the smallest chance that something could change, why not take that chance?'

'If I didn't do this, I'd lose someone precious.'

***

Zhao Huan wasn't able to get this conversation out of her mind even now. At that time, she had thought he was calling Qiu Meihui as someone precious but now she had doubts in her own thinking. Was she missing something? But then again, it seemed like everyone was missing out on something here.

"Do you know what he is thinking?" she asked Xin Zimen who gave her a helpless look.

"Sister-in-law, even though he is my son and he says he is not able to understand me. I have to say that I can't understand him either."

"Seems like he inherited something from his mother," said Zhao Huan and sighed heavily.

These elders were completely clueless about what was cooking in Xin Xiao Li's brain. And even if they knew, it didn't seem like they'd be able to do anything about it.