Imperfect Desires

"It sounded simple but the sincerity must have left a deep impression?" Xiu was smiling to herself gently. She could clearly tell that he really loved his wife but then... She frowned as she recalled something and asked, "I can clearly see that you loved her but then why does everyone else say that your marriage was without any mutual love?"

"I'll answer the question only if you tell me why are you so interested in this matter? Even my sons have never asked me about how or why I married my wife. You, on the other hand, want to hear everything. Why?" He was genuinely curious to know why was that? It wasn't just that she was deeply interested in his life but it was also that he wasn't able to stop himself from being honest before her. 

"Because I'm a genuine believer of the fact that love stories don't just exist in fairytales. And neither are they like fairytales with happy endings. Some are short-lived, some are angsty, some are full of fluffy romance. But each story has the uniqueness that sets it apart just like every person is special, each story of theirs is also special." She was grinning brightly as she answered enthusiastically. Xin Zimen could even see how sincere she was about each word that she uttered. 

"Even though my love story is not only short but also a tragedy, you still think it's special?" his lips were curved in a sad smile. 

Xiu nodded her head saying, "That's why Agatha Christie wrote, 'That is why most great love stories are tragedies.'" She patted his shoulder encouragingly as she went on, "Let me tell you Ah-Xin, true love stories don't have endings. They live on. Now, in your case even though your wife is dead, you're alive and your heart is still filled with love for her. Have you ever forgotten her?"

Xin Zimen looked down at his hands as he shook his head, "Never."

"Exactly! As long as one heart is beating, the story can't possibly come to an end."

Xin Zimen stared at her face for a while making her frown.

"What are you looking at?"

"It's just as I said before, your way of looking at things is beyond your age."

Xiu grinned sheepishly as she rubbed her earlobe and said, "I told you I'm an old soul. In fact, let me tell you a secret."

"Secret?" His brows quirked up as she nodded. "What is it?"

She held out her pinky finger saying, "You need to first promise that you won't share this with anyone. It's top secret!"

Xin Zimen feigned excitement as he hooked his pinky finger with hers saying, "Don't worry. It's my job to juggle around with secrets. Hopefully, I can keep yours safe as well." Xiu looked around his room vigilantly and he reassured, "You can be at ease. This room is safer than you can possibly imagine."

"Since you're the one saying it, I'll believe it." Xiu draped her arm around his shoulder as she started, "I'm gonna sound very unrealistic but you have to believe me that I'm speaking in all honesty." Xin Zimen listened with great attention. "You see, I still have the memories of my previous life that's why I'm wise beyond my age."

Xin Zimen rolled his eyes at her, "You don't even have the memories of this life."

Xiu pouted showing her grievance, "Ah-Xin, you can't taunt me for that. I'm telling you the truth." She took a brief pause to add, "Actually, let's say it like this. When I lost my memories of this life, I ended up acquiring the memories of my previous life." She proudly tilted her chin up saying, "That's why I always say that I'm an old soul." Xiu observed his expressions and waited to see a change. Any change but it never came. His face was still impassive as always. She couldn't tell whether he believed her or not. In fact, she was just joking around with him just to see any reaction from him but gained nothing out of it. Her enthusiasm deflated as she went on, "You're no fun, Ah-Xin. What a waste!"

Xin Zimen lightly flicked her forehead, "You really have way too much time on your hand, eh?"

Xiu rubbed her forehead, "An empty mind is a house of the devil. As an unemployed person, I really do have a lot of time to concoct all these ridiculous ideas in my mind."

"Unemployed? You still aren't looking for work?"

"I am looking for work. I just don't know where to look. Hahaha!"

"Need help?" he offered.

Xiu leaned up saying, "You'll let me work here?"

His brows shot up in surprise as he asked, "You want to work here?"

"Why not? You think I can't?"

He shook his head saying, "The first and foremost requirement for an agent is to know how to put up a facade. I believe you're really good at that."

Xiu wasn't that pleased to hear that, "You're calling me two-faced?"

"Not really. I'm calling you multi-faced." Xiu gaped at him in disbelief. "You're like a chameleon. I don't think I have met another person who knows when to change colors just to fit in with the situation and people."

Xiu's lips twitched. She couldn't tell whether she was supposed to take that as a compliment or an insult. But it sounded nice so she let it be. Leaning back in her seat she added, "Forget it. If I joined this work, you'd have to put extra effort in cleaning up my mess."

Xin Zimen neither agree nor disagree with that statement but his silence meant that he was also worried about that. But he still smiled at how honestly and proudly she declared herself as a troublemaker.

"Now that I have made you smile, won't you answer my question?" He looked at her in confusion. "I'm still waiting to hear that love story."

"To be honest, there is really no love story."

"How is that possible? There must be a reason why your wife suddenly decided to marry you."

He thought about it before replying, "She was just like you in some ways."

"Like me?"

"Yes. She also believed in love stories. In fact, she loved fairytales even though she was the most realistic person." Xiu pulled her legs up and sat cross-legged without any care as she listened attentively. "From a young age, I used to tell her how unreal those stories are but she won't believe me and instead get into fights with me. Once she asked, 'Why do you even hate these love stories?' And I replied, 'Because I don't believe in love. I'll never fall in love. It's the most useless thing in the world.'"

Xiu cupped her hands in her hands as she looked at the side of his face. Well, from his demeanor he really didn't look like someone who would value love. So, she didn't think it was that big of a deal that he said that back then.

"She was very angry with me and didn't talk to me for a week. But when she came to talk again, she dropped the bomb of wanting to marry me out of nowhere."

"Huh? Why did she do that?" 

"Because she wanted to prove me wrong. She wanted to prove that love was the most real thing in the world just as real as sadness, happiness, and other emotions that couldn't be seen." He shook his head adding, "She loved challenges and I became the most intriguing challenge to her. How could she back off? Besides, she was the real arrogant person who truly believed that no one could escape her charms. So, she was certain that I'd fall for her eventually."

Xiu finally understood most of it as she mused out, "But you had already fallen in love with her."

"Well, she didn't know that," answered Xin Zimen. "She thought I accepted her stupid proposal because I also wanted to take on this challenge to prove her wrong as I always did. And everyone else thought that I accepted her proposal because I wanted to use her background for my own advantage." He looked out the window in his office as he added, "Until now, the reason why people think that we were just in a loveless marriage is that neither she liked to proclaim her love nor did I. Actually, there was never a need of words between us."

Xiu gave him two thumbs-up as she said, "No wonder you never thought of remarrying. You truly loved her."

He contemplated for a while before asking, "How come you have been so certain from the beginning that I love my wife? I don't even talk about her that much."

"Your eyes are expressive enough." Xiu shrugged her shoulders as she added, "The reason why you don't bring up her name is not that you don't love her. It's because you love her so much that it scares you. You're afraid that if you talked about her, the hollowness she left in your heart might end up devouring you whole."

Xin Zimen's eyes shook violently before he snorted, "You not only have an old soul, you even have a sharp gaze. With your level of observation, its a shame that you're not a member of our organization."

Xiu was flattered as she scratched the side of her neck saying, "I also think I'm wasting so much talent of mine."

"You're really not that humble either," he tsked at her in amusement.