Imperfect Desires

Just when Qiu Meihui turned to leave, Ying's voice stopped her.

"The hardest thing I learned in my life is to accept that the person I love so much, can't love me back and I can't do anything about that either. But I tried my best to make peace with this fact because the one I loved was happy being in love with you."

Qiu Meihui turned on her heels and stared at Ying's face with a complicated look in her eyes, "Why are you telling me that?"

"I'm telling you that so that you can understand that whatever I did in my life had been for love. But how come you always chose your pride?"

Qiu Meihui's gaze turned hostile, "What did you say?"

Ying looked at her challenging, "Did I say anything wrong? Didn't you always choose your pride over love?" Ying took a short pause to see Qiu Meihui's expressions before she said, "You had been in love with Xiaoli since high school." Qiu Meihui's eyes widened as she stared at Ying. "A little kid told me last night that women are not born dumb. They just pretend to be dumb. I completely agree with those words. Even though you think I'm dumb enough to not notice your love for him, I ain't that dumb honey."

"Don't spout nonsense," fumed Qiu Meihui leaving her calm persona.

The game was reversed. Now, it was Ying's turn to crawl under her skin and Ying could do it better considering her line of work. In fact, she was very well-versed in that.

"Did I say something wrong though?" Ying's confident stance was getting to Qiu Meihui now. "I have seen the way you played that game of push and pull for years with Xiaoli and that poor soul still doesn't realize that he had been played by you."

"Ying, don't go far!"

"I haven't even started yet though," said Ying with a wicked smile. "I came across your ex-husband recently and according to him, you only married him because you wanted to hurt your mother. After all, it was Weiwei's wish to get you married to Xiaoli. But just to hurt her badly, you chose to marry the person you didn't love. Even though you loved Xiaoli, you still chose to walk away because of your stupid ego."

Qiu Meihui took a step towards Ying when she stopped her, "Don't even think about hitting me. I'm like an injured tigress, I won't hesitate before biting your head off." Qiu Meihui's hands clenched by her sides tightly. "You're doing the same thing again. You're just want to satisfy your ego all over again."

"You know nothing about me," hissed Qiu Meihui.

Ying laughed at her words, "It's actually the other way around. You know nothing about me. Back then, you wanted to hurt your mom so you chose to walk away from Xiaoli. Now, you want to hurt me so you chose to walk back into his life. How cute that you think so highly of me! But at the end of the day, you're still just doing everything for your ego."

"You're wrong. You're absolutely wrong. I'm only choosing to marry Xiaoli because he'd be a good father to my daughter. Don't try to think otherwise."

The more agitated she was, the more Ying didn't believe her words. "Oh, really? Then would you like to explain to me how and why did he keep hanging on to you even when you weren't in his life?"

"Because he loves me very much," argued Qiu Meihui.

"Wow! I didn't know that." One could hear sarcasm very clearly in her voice. "Then explain your hot and cold behavior with him?" Qiu Meihui frowned as she went on, "Men are weird. If you give them attention, they run away. But if you give them attitude, they run after you. I guess you knew Xiaoli's nature very well. He was one of those idiots and you took advantage of it perfectly well."

"Before trying to prove me as the bad guy, don't forget you're no better."

Ying clicked her tongue, "Ay! When did I disagree? Of course, I'm no better. But if that's the case, why are you even competing with me?" Qiu Meihui's face contorted. "Why am I the one you're so desperate to win from? If it'll bring you personal satisfaction, I give it to you. I, Yan Ying promise you I won't ever interfere in your life. But I have a request... Don't use Xiaoli's feelings for your personal agenda. That idiot really does love you more than anyone. Don't hurt him in this game you're trying to play. You'll regret it otherwise."

"I don't need your lecture," said Qiu Meihui before storming off of there.

Ying looked at her back and leaning against the door, she slid down on the ground. She sat there with a blank look as she whispered, "It wasn't a lecture though. I really don't want him to get hurt." She clutched her chest as she closed her eyes in pain. "Because it's hurting me enough. I don't want him to go through the same."

Whenever people called Ying crazy and obsessive about running after Xiaoli even when she knew he was in love with another, she didn't mind it. She knew it better than anyone what she was doing. She was indeed crazy, and obsessive but only because she didn't want Xiaoli to get hurt. She was aware of Qiu Meihui's nature and she knew Xiaoli was very simple compared to her. 

In conclusion, she knew it was a toxic relationship. Both Qiu Meihui and Xiaoli were gonna get each other hurt. After all, one always chose love in his life over everything while the other always chose her pride over love. 

This time, her tears didn't fall. She didn't feel like crying at all. Instead, she just felt suffocated. Perhaps, those feelings were finally becoming too much for her to keep. She had to let it all go.