Imperfect Desires

When Darren turned around, he only found Xiu who was looking at him with a thoughtful look on her face. 

"Where is Didi?" he asked.

"I got rid of him," replied Xiu as if she accomplished something.

Darren beckoned her towards himself and she didn't hesitate before going over to his side and taking a seat on his thighs with her arms wrapped around his neck. Darren hid his face in the crook of her neck and closed his eyes getting lost in the scent that only belonged to her. It felt like the most natural thing between them.

"I have to..." he wanted to speak but couldn't get the words out of his mouth. He didn't want to see her sad.

Xiu played with his hair saying, "You have a business trip, I know." Darren tilted his head to look at her as she stroked his hair. "I really don't understand why you're even avoiding it. If you're worried about me then don't be. I'm not alone. I have Dylan, Nora, Ying Jie, even mom is next door now."

"But I'll be alone," replied Darren making Xiu's lips curl up slightly. "I know you can live without me, you're a strong person. But I'm not strong. It's me who can't live without you."

"Hmmm... Should I come with you then?" 

Darren stared into her eyes trying to look for something before he shook his head, "You won't go with me, I know that already." Xiu pursed her lips to hold back her smile. He really knew her way too well. 

"Yes, that's a bit difficult for me. Even if I join you, I'll be stuck in the hotel while you'd be busy with work. And even if I really decided to see how you work, It will only add more stress to my life. Besides, I resigned from my job because stress is not healthy for the baby."

Darren abruptly straightened up to stare at her in shock, "What baby? Which baby? Whose baby?"

Xiu cupped her own face as she replied, "Your baby. This one. Me. I'm talking about me."

Darren rubbed his forehead, "And I thought you're gonna say..."

Xiu grinned at him strangely, "Although condoms have only a 2 percent chance of failure, I believe I'm not that unlucky to be one of those 2 percent people." Darren certainly hoped to be one of those 2 percent people but he wasn't gonna say it out loud to her. Seeing him silent, Xiu cupped his face and said, "What are you thinking about now?"

"Nothing," he shook his head. "Just wondering what were you doing with Ying last night?"

Xiu avoided his eyes and thought about whether to tell him about the incident or not. If she did, she knew he was gonna cancel his business trip. But she couldn't lie to him either. So...

"First, promise me that my answer won't affect your business trip."

Darren could tell something was wrong from the way she spoke. "No, you first tell me what happened."

"Baobei, don't be stubborn!"

"But I can't promise you without knowing what happened."

Xiu groaned helplessly, "So, I was walking down the street and..."

"What?!" Darren exclaimed at her when he heard the whole incident. "Why didn't you tell me earlier?" He was fuming now. "Who was he? How dare he touch my girl?"

 "Calm down!" Xiu patted his chest and tried to calm him down. "Your Sweets kicked his ass. I'm a fighter after all. So, you don't have to worry at all."

"You think that's enough to calm me down?" He hugged her tightly. "Did you get hurt? How many times I told you to not go out alone. Why don't you listen?"

"I'm really fine. Ying Jie was there at the right time and she helped me out. I was just slightly shocked and ended up passing out. But nothing too serious. I promise."

Darren still didn't pull away from her. In fact, his arms around her tightened to the point that she was having trouble breathing. But Xiu didn't complain about it. She kept rubbing his back to make him believe that she was alright and he didn't have to worry so much.

"I'm gonna ask Paige to cancel my..."

Xiu placed her hand over his mouth to stop him from continuing. "You promised me."

 Darren pulled her hand down saying, "I never promised. You just assumed that I did."

Xiu put her forehead against his and lowered her voice to an almost whisper, "Regan, if you keep doing this, I'll really have trouble sharing what's on my mind with you again. I only told the truth because I can't lie to you and I don't want to hide anything either. But if my words are gonna affect you in any way, I'm gonna stop sharing."

"I just get worried," replied Darren. "What am I supposed to do? How am I supposed to leave you knowing this?"

Xiu held his face in her hands and said, "I just got unlucky that doesn't mean it'll keep happening." She pushed his hair away from his forehead and kissed him. "Good or bad things will keep happening in life. That's what life is all about. We have nothing in control. But we can't keep living in fear either. Just because you'll stay beside me 24/7, it won't guarantee that nothing will go wrong."

"But..." he still wanted to argue but did he really think she was gonna let him win? She might have done it if the topic here didn't involve something important which was his life. He couldn't just revolve around her. She didn't want that. She wanted him to have the freedom to choose just like she had it. 

"We can't live in fear, Regan. And I can't let you destroy your career just because of me." Taking a deep breath, she eased up her expressions and went on, "Besides, you have to work hard now. I'm jobless. How else will you support an unemployed girlfriend?"

Darren smiled gently at her, "Say it once, I'm willing to support you for life."

"Don't go back on your words then."

"Never."