Imperfect Desires

//The Fourth Letter

'I had never been fond of my name. Not ever.

It always felt like someone was mocking me. Destiny...

They say everything is controlled by destiny, and that's why I hated my name even more because I couldn't even control my own temper much less controlling my own life. I don't know what kind of image you can paint of me by the letters I wrote to you but I can assure you, Destiny Novell is anything but a good person.

But since a good person like you loves to believe in the goodness of others, I'm gonna break this shocking news to you; Every person is born with a touch of evilness. It's a game of who has come to hide his nature well. Since we all are pretending anyway.

Now you must be thinking that every letter of mine comes with a random context. And you might also feel like I'm treating these letters as my personal diary or something. The thing is, you aren't wrong. I feel the same.

These letters will stay as my personal diary until I decide to post the letters to you which doesn't seem like it'll happen any time soon. 

Coming back to the real point of why I brought up the topic of my name so suddenly. I have a reason for that. Today, I asked Clara for a favor. I have finally decided to change my name.

Now, don't get mad at me but I ended up choosing... Bai Xiu as my new name. 

Yes, indeed, Xiu is taken from your name and Bai because I'm the complete opposite of it's meaning. Bai means pure or calmness and I, Destiny Novell has never been pure or calm. I still remember how my current best friend called me wicked when we first met.

The other day I broke a glass bottle on someone's head because I lost my temper AGAIN. Good thing my mentor handled the situation otherwise I... Forget it, you shouldn't know the details. All I wanted to make clear here is that I'm not a calm or patient person. I like raising my fists before opening my mouth. 

I've also been a very careless and carefree person in life. Perhaps, that carelessness of mine is now coming back to bite me back.

I told you about my dad in the last letter, right?

 I thought I was just being paranoid but now I'm certain someone is not letting me reach my dad. I have put my failure on fate as well but something in my heart kept telling me that this time, someone was really out to get me. 

My mentor always told me, 'Believe your intuition, it can create miracles.'

I should have listened. My intuition wasn't wrong at all. I just didn't believe it.

Do you know I got locked up in the elevator last week? The elevator dropped from the twentieth floor and kept going down after taking an abrupt break at every five floor down.'

Xiu felt chills running up and down her body when she read that sentence. She didn't want that memory to repeat in her head but it did. The day she got locked up in the elevator, that exact scene was the one that replayed in her mind. She had gone through the fear and helplessness that Destiny felt at that time. 

Xiu needed a break from this letter. She didn't know how she was supposed to continue reading it. Because right now her mind was threatening to experience another mental breakdown. Even drinking a whole damn bottle of water didn't help her much. She picked up her phone from the side and started pacing as she dialed a number.

"How did your date go?"

"Ah-mazing!" came the beaming voice of Dylan from the other end.

Xiu finally smiled a little as she heard the happiness in his voice. "I believe the credit goes to my amazing culinary skills."

"You already resigned from the job, can you please drop this attitude now?"

"What attitude?"

"Being the biggest jerk!" snapped Dylan. "No wonder they called you pompous demotivator, you really make my spirit go down. How can you take all the credit? I know your culinary skills are good but still..."

"Mr. Whiny baby, if you got dispirited with just one sentence, that means you don't have much faith in yourself."

"What do you mean?"

Xiu rolled her eyes which he couldn't see though as she said, "Idiot! It's the people that make a date special. Food or any other thing just works as a prop. You are the real deal on a date!"

"That makes sense," agreed Dylan thoughtfully.

Xiu shook her head saying, "It was my mistake to even call you. Hang up now!" Dylan opened his mouth to say something but she had already hung up on him. 

Xiu stared at her phone and then at the letter that was lying on the coffee table. She contemplated for a while, before just picking up the letter again.

'And since I'm writing this letter, you can tell that I didn't die. It was scary, I got some minor injuries as well. But I survived. They said the elevator malfunctioned. And I believed it.

But after today, I really don't think that was just an accident. 

Someone is either after my life or someone is eager to make me give up looking for my dad. Whichever it is, I'm not letting go. I'm a very persistent person. So persistent that I can turn into anyone's nightmare. 

Whoever is trying to play this game with me, they don't know this player yet.

In fact, this player just changed her name. Now, she's gonna start this game all over again.

Let's see who wins this game of hide and seek.'

For the very first time, Xiu felt like Destiny was a very scary person. As for why she had this feeling, she couldn't tell. But something about Destiny was definitely bugging her.

As for what she meant by someone, was after her life, Xiu didn't know anything. But if what was written was true, then she had one more thing to think; Was Destiny's death really simple?