Imperfect Desires

Darren thought he should have guessed this already that his mother had a conversation with Xiu. Now the question was how much did his mother tell Xiu? However, Xiu had no idea what he was thinking about as she answered,

"Yes, I had dinner with mom, and she..."

Darren cut her off as he abruptly kneeled down before her and stared up into her eyes. Xiu leaned back slightly in surprise while he said, "Mom? Did you just call her mom?"

"Yeah," Xiu nodded her head. "She told me I can do it. Why? You don't like it?"

"Like it?" he chuckled to himself. "I feel like I'm floating on cloud nine or something."

He kissed her cheek and Xiu was unable to understand his excitement. What was up with him? Why were his hands on her knees shaking so much? Was it really that important?

"Are you that happy about such a simple thing?" she questioned looking into his eyes in wonder while her hands rested upon his to help his trembling self.

"It's not simple," said Darren. "Two most important women in my life have come together. Do you even know what kind of excitement that is?"

"I really don't," answered Xiu honestly. 

"It's like you're finally a part of my family."

"Baobei, you're really not making much sense now." Xiu laughed at him.

He held her face in his hands and said, "Sweets, you're the part of me that completes me. Are you willing to be a part of my life? Are you willing to be that piece of a puzzle that holds all the answers to my life?"

"What is this?" She squinted her eyes at him. "Is this perhaps another random proposal?"

Darren pursed his lips and looked at her thoughtfully, "And if it is? What's your answer?"

Xiu stroked her chin, "I wonder what are my options..."

"It's a yes or a yes," he replied with a cheeky smile.

"Oh, that's like you're not even leaving a way out for me again. OW!"

Xiu yelped when Darren held her arms and pulled her down. Now, she was sitting between his legs with her back against his chest while his arms held her body tightly. "That's because I'm never letting you go."

"I think you're getting infected with my 'being random' disease." Xiu snuggled back and added, "But I know you're just trying to digress from the real point again."

Darren placed his chin on the top of her head while playing with her hands as he questioned, "What do you want to know? And what did mama really tell you?"

"She said, she's not your real-"

"Don't say it," he interrupted her again. "I hate it when people say that she's not my real mother. Because in all my memories, she is my mother. She is the only one I have had with me. And she is the only one I need in my life."

"I still remember when she came to this country for her job. It's quite a conservative place and I hated it when people looked at her with judgmental eyes just because she was a single mother. But do you know? She never even once cleared it to anyone that I'm not really her son. She just didn't care about those people."

Xiu was holding his index finger as if silently comforting him. She could hear the bitterness of those memories clearly. But she didn't dare look at his face or his eyes. She knew she'd end up crying if she did so. 

"If I'm given another chance in life to choose. I'd choose her as my mother all over again. She never even once thought about her own life. She just kept doing everything for my future. I just hate the fact that she couldn't find her own happiness while trying to shape mine for me." He exhaled heavily as he went on, "I told her so many times to stop working and stay at home now. But her reply had been, 'The only thing I've done in the past two decades is work. I really don't know how to live without work in my life now.' Those words truly made me feel guilty."

His voice broke and Xiu couldn't help holding his hand even more tightly. It was really not easy giving away your youth for a kid and the one who wasn't even yours, to begin with. Francesca only had two things in life; Darren and her work. But she really never thought she was lacking anything. It was Darren who thought she needed her own happiness. 

"From what I saw, I believe she's really happy in her life. She's like the proudest mother in the world since she has you as a son. Instead of feeling guilty, why don't you just let her decide whether she is happy in her life or not? It's her life, and it's her choice how she wants to spend it."

Darren listened to Xiu's words silently and thought about it.

"It's not your fault that she's made her work her life. It's her choice. She told me how much she loves her work and I think that's the main reason why she doesn't want to resign. She feels accomplished. What's so wrong with that?" She patted his hands. "Stop thinking so much."

Darren closed his eyes and smiled softly, "It's so weird how everything makes sense with you around."

"That's because I'm awesome!"

Darren chuckled at her, "Oh, I was wondering where your narcissistic self was these days."

Xiu didn't mind his remark at all. In fact, she never minds anything he said. It felt like they were now more comfortable to share anything with each other without caring about anything else. And yet these two fools always ended up keeping something from each other. 

They stayed like in that position for a long while in silence. It was comfortable since they both had something to think about now. 

"Regan..."

"Hmm?"

"What about your... I mean what about mom's elder sister?" Darren's expressions didn't change. He was still calmly hugging her as she continued, "About Florence Salvay, did you never have the urge to know about her whereabouts?"