Imperfect Desires

Even before Xiu entered the lounge, she could hear soft giggles from inside. It made her smile instantly as she saw Nora playing with her daughter. She looked so different today. Was it weird that Xiu felt like she was willing to do anything to protect that smile on her best friend's face? Even if it was weird, she didn't care at all.

Nora was the first family to her and the rest came after that. She was the first person Xiu saw when she opened her eyes to this new life. That reason alone was enough to make Xiu depend on her. She really didn't know when or how it started, but Nora had become her reverse scale without a doubt now. 

"Xiu, come here!" Nora called out her excitedly and as Xiu came close, she said, "Look at her. She is so pretty."

Xiu looked at the little girl in her hands and nodded, "She is really pretty."

"Hold her," said Nora and without waiting for Xiu's reply, she passed Ava to Xiu. But seeing how awkward she looked, she shook her head, "Don't be so stiff. Just relax. You used to be so good with Jackie, why are you acting like it's your first time holding a baby?"

Xiu could only sigh but she didn't reply. Just because she was at ease with Jackie didn't know she was fine with kids in general. Actually, if Xiu was being honest, she would say that she had literally no interest in kids. As a matter of fact, she had some kind of repulsion towards kids. Even though she wanted to grow out of the shadows of her past life but somethings don't just change that easily. 

While Xiu was busy with her own thoughts, little Ava had already jumped back into her mother's arms. It reminded Xiu of something she read somewhere, the biggest betrayal you feel is when you're holding a baby and they open their arms for someone else. Like what the hell? But Xiu wasn't gonna say it out loud because the person she jumped over to was her own mother. 

"Since you brought up the topic..." Xiu began looking at Nora. "What are you planning to do now?"

"Huh? What do you mean?" questioned Nora distractedly.

Xiu took a deep breath. "Don't forget that no-one back home knows about this little one." Nora's smile froze as Xiu reminded her that important point. "Not only you'll have to tell Clara mom and uncle Jing about this but you'll have a lot of explaining to do to little Jackie whose brain isn't really little at all." Nora's heart dropped a bit. "It's not that difficult to explain everything to Clara mom and uncle Jing with this cute little baby of yours. But Jackie is not that easy..."

Nora already knew it. Her mom and dad might feel disappointed in her but they'd certainly accept it. Especially with Ava around, they'll come around as well. But with Jackie... How was she supposed to explain anything to him? Why did she have a three-year-old daughter? And where was this daughter for the past years? Did she abandon her own child? Gosh! She was dreading that little packet's over smart questions! 

Seeing Nora's reaction, Xiu bit her lips. She wanted to smack her head. Why did she bring this up right now? She really chose the wrong time to spout her nonsense!

But why was it that she was still not able to hold herself back since she went on with, "Also, I know it's not the right time but what are you planning on doing with her?" Nora looked at her with knitted brows. "You and Si bro are not together. So, how are you both gonna manage? I know you want to be in Ava's life but you can't take her away from Si bro as well."

Nora contemplated her words while squishing the little girl's cheeks lovingly. "You do have the worst timing to drop the bomb of reality on my head."

"Sorry about that," muttered Xiu apologetically scratching the back of her head. But in her opinion, there was really no such thing as 'right time'. This moment was as good as the next going to be. It wouldn't make any difference to her at least.

Nora sighed out while shaking her head at Xiu. She placed her hand over Xiu's and spoke, "I'm not blaming you for bringing it up. So, there is no need for a sorry. I'm glad to have you here with me. It makes me feel a lot more at ease knowing that there is someone thinking for me and worrying for me." She leaned her head against Xiu's gently and went on, "But I don't want to think about all that for now. I want to spend this very moment with just my daughter. I want to lose myself in her soft giggles. Her bright big eyes. Her innocent but beautiful little face. Because at this very moment, I feel complete. And I haven't felt like that in years now. So, please let me live in this moment."

Xiu understood what she meant. And she didn't want to take this moment away from her either. Because even she could see how happy Nora was right now. Those gloomy shadows on her face that broke Xiu's heart were nowhere to be seen. Instead, there was a glow and a glimmer in her eyes. Perhaps, that's what being a mother was.

"You look very happy and I'm even happier seeing you happy," said Xiu as she wrapped her arm around Nora's shoulder and hugged her from the side. 

"She's looking at you," said Nora and smiled widely. "Babygirl, this is your one and only aunt. She's a bit crazy but believe me, you'll love her as much as mommy loves her." Xiu giggled at Nora talking like a baby. She seemed funny. "And Xiu auntie will love you and protect you just like she do it all for mommy."

"Oh, man! I have another job now?" Xiu was pretending to act like she was really upset to hear that which earned her a slap at her head.

"Stop whining! If you didn't stay with my baby girl, I'll really be mad!"

Xiu acted like she was really scared of Nora and even nodded her head accepting her fate.