Imperfect Desires

Hearing Xiu mention 'dysfunctional families', Xin Zimen's smile froze as well. From the look of deep amusement to deep sadness, his expressions shifted way too easily. Now, he was looking at Xiu with a different feeling. 

The side of Ah-Si's face was still pressed up against the floor sending a striking pain through his skull because of the way she was shoving his face down. Her hand on his head didn't even let him move an inch. 

"Do you know what it feels like to grow up in dysfunctional families?" Xiu questioned in a way that it indicated that she wasn't actually expecting a reply from him. "You don't. Because you didn't have to live in one."

Xiu's breathing turned harsh as she continued, "You don't know what it feels like to crave for attention and love. You don't know what it feels like to stand in a corner and wish to disappear! But in reality, we all are just craving that someone would come along to find us. You don't even know what it feels like when someone tells you that love is bullshit! And there is no such thing as prince charming because eventually everyone is meant to leave us!"

Xiu held his collar and pulled him up. She turned his face to look at her as she went on, "And the worst part is, the kids like us who grew up in dysfunctional families actually believe that they don't deserve to be loved. It doesn't stop us from wanting to be loved though and that's why when people like you show some care, we tend to fall for it. But do you know how scary it is that our one moment of selfishness can push people like you away from us?"

Her fist landed straight on his face busting the side of his lip while injuring her own knuckles but the adrenaline rush was enough to mask her pain and make it seem numb. 

"You think Nora is at fault? How? If one day your daughter was knocked up by a guy who never made his feelings clear for her and then vanished into thin air, would you want her to give birth to the child? Do you think your daughter won't be scared?" Ah-Si's eyes widened staring at her. "You think it's easy being 21 and being pregnant? You think it's easy to be different in this society? It's scary as hell! So what if she thought of abortion? First of all, she didn't go through it. Second of all, even if she did, you are the last person who can point a finger at her because you didn't wait for her!"

"I did," Ah-Si's voice was low almost a whisper.

Xiu scoffed at him as she punched his face again, "So, your love for her could only give her one month to come around?" Xiu's eyes were red from anger now. "If you really loved her you wouldn't have left without talking. No matter how she pushed you away, at least you should have persisted enough! I'm not saying she's right and you're wrong. But you're no better than her and that's why you don't have any right to blame her for anything!"

Ah-Si lifted his trembling hand to wipe the blood from the side of his face as he was thinking about everything Xiu said. His eyes turned slightly to look at Nora who had tears falling down her eyes again. This time, it was way too obvious that she was crying for him. She was aching along with him. His pain was hurting her just as much as it did to him.

"Don't even think for a second that I'm here because I want you to accept my sister. No! Never! If you ask me honestly, I wouldn't want her to be with a person like you who made her shed so many tears. But that's not my decision to make and I won't try to be the judge of that either! However..." she looked straight into Ah-Si's eyes, "I won't let you take her daughter away from her either!"

"You're not the one who went to through an accident, you're not the one who stayed in a coma for months only to wake up to know that the child so dear to you is dead. You didn't also go through the pain of knowing that you can't be a mother again. You also are not the one who went through all of this all alone!" 

Nora lowered her head and closed her eyes as Xiu reminded her of the biggest stain on her existence now. Ah-Si also couldn't help looking at Nora in shock.

"She was the one who was scared, alone, and helpless. She was the one who suffered from depression. She was the one who had to live with the guilt. As for you... You moved on with your life. You simply went to another country to start a new life. Did you even look back once? Did you even bother? No, because you assumed way too much on your own. You're not the only one who was hurt, she was also hurt. Even more than you! You have so many people besides you. She was too scared to even let me know what was happening in her life."

Xiu didn't realize when tears fell down from the corner of her eyes. She really wasn't thinking straight at all. All she wanted to do was kill someone right there. 

She had lifted her bleeding fist again to hit him when Nora hugged her from behind halting her movement. Nora placed her head on her shoulder as she whispered, "That's enough. Please stop, Xiu! It's really enough!"

Xiu really didn't agree that it was enough but she still dropped her fist down and loosened her grasp on his collar as well. Nora's touch seemed to have broken her crazed state of mind. The adrenaline that was rushing through her veins seemed to have drained out now. 

"You're insane," Nora mumbled as she touched Xiu's injured hand. 

Xiu ruffled her hair with her blood-stained hand, "I know." It took a huge effort to even move her hand slightly. She was tired now. 

Xin Xiaoli at the side also held his brother who was beaten and blue. The side of his face was beginning to swell. He really didn't know how such a sweet-looking girl could have so much strength. It was also a wonder that Ah-Si hadn't fainted after bearing so much pain. But looking at him, Xin Xiaoli was certain that Xiu didn't go easy on him.