Imperfect Desires

Back at the Xin Villa...

Xin Xiaoli had been staring at his younger brother intently who had been holding his daughter in his arms cooing all this while. Even though the little girl was asleep, her father wasn't willing to put her down.

"Aren't you gonna talk to dad?" 

Ah-Si didn't look up but answered, "He... isn't in a good mood."

"Do I have to remind you why he isn't in a good mood?"

Hearing his brother's question, he slowly looked up and shook his head. "I know."

Xin Xiaoli stood up and stretched his hands towards his brother, "Give Ava to me and talk to dad." When Ah-Si didn't move, Xin Xiaoli tried to take the sleeping baby from his hands but Ah-Si moved back. Xin Xiaoli was really feeling annoyed by his brother but he still ended up smiling. "I'll take care of her. I promise."

Ah-Si kept staring at his brother's face for a long moment before he nodded his head and let him carry Ava however, he did so very reluctantly. Xin Xiaoli could tell how reluctant he was and he could also guess that it was because of the sudden trauma he had to face.

Ah-Si took a long time calming himself and gathered his courage before he knocked on the door of his father's study and twisted the doorknob with his clammy hands. Inside the study, the lights were off but through the window soft moonlight fell in. Right before the window was resting Xin Zimen on a recliner with his eyes closed.

As Ah-Si slowly came close to his father, he could clearly see the deep lines etched between his father's brows. He looked stressed and that made Ah-Si's courage to go 'poof' in the air. In just one night, his father who looked like a domineering king on usual days seemed to have aged.

"Dad..." he called out so softly that it was hardly audible to himself. 

"I'm sorry!"

Ah-Si was stunned as he heard his father's voice and was completely lost for words. It was supposed to be the other way around. Why was his father apologizing? 

Xin Zimen opened his eyes but didn't look at his son, instead his eyes were glancing at the moon shining in the sky. "I shouldn't have reprimanded you like that. My emotions got the best of me momentarily." Saying that he clenched his fists tightly as if suppressing his emotions even now. As if some distant memory was torturing his soul.

Ah-Si who had been holding on to his courage finally broke as he fell on his knees before his father and burst out in tears. "Dad, I'm really sorry for keeping it a secret from you. I really didn't want to but..." He choked on his words and couldn't continue.

"Why did you then? Why did you choose to hide it?" asked Xin Zimen looking at his son who was crying like a kid now. He frowned seeing how a father of a little girl was actually crying himself like a baby.

Ah-Si didn't dare look up as he began, "I was scared that you'd be disappointed in me." Xin Zimen's frown deepened while he went on, "Me being a single father and that too without marriage if this really came to light... You'll be scorned by the whole family for not raising me well. I didn't want anyone to question your principles and teaching or the way you chose to raise us both brothers all alone.

"You always tried to protect me and bro from everything in life. Sometimes you got harsh but you always did everything for our good and you're always questioned for your choices. Even me and bro often got mad at you for being so strict with us." He took a brief pause before adding, "Hiding Ava from you, for the time being, was just my way of protecting you. I really didn't want to see you lower your head before anyone because of your own son."

Ah-Si didn't get any response from his father and the lack of his response left Ah-Si feeling apprehensive even more. He finally decided to lift his head and when he did, he was shocked. Xin Zimen was actually laughing silently at his son's explanation. 

"You... Haha..." He leaned over a bit and stretched his hand to rub Ah-Si's head. "My little silly one! No matter what you do, I'd be the last person to question you. Unless you do something against my principles. You being a single father might not be very pleasing to others but I still find it very admirable."

He smiled affectionately at his son. "I can't be more proud than this. Knowing that my son chose to take his responsibility instead of abandoning it. How can I not be proud? You're my son and if I won't stand by your side who else would?" His voice took a dangerous edge as he added, "However, I'd have really beaten you to death if you had chosen to abandon my granddaughter."

Ah-Si chuckled a little. "Dad, you weren't angry about this?"

"No..." Xin Zimen shrugged his shoulders. "I was angry that you chose to take my granddaughter's safety very lightly." He pulled Ah-Si's ear. "She is the only granddaughter I have, how can you even be so careless with her life?"

"Sorry, sorry, sorry! Please, let my ear go now!" 

Xin Zimen finally listened to his pleading and let him go. "Now, let's get somethings clear." He turned completely serious. "How did you become a single dad?"

Ah-Si's body stiffened and his face twisted strangely. "I got Ava about a year and a half ago. She was left at my doorstep with a note that said that she's my daughter and I should be responsible for her."

Ah-Si sighed heavily thinking about the moment when he first held that little one in his arms. She was so delicate and adorable that even if he didn't believe what was written in that note, he'd still choose to keep her. After all, he wasn't willing to leave such a small baby out without any guardian. Besides, he instantly felt a connection with that babbling little thing giggling at him and reaching out for his finger. Especially when she wrapped her hand around his finger, his heart melted.

In fact, he, later on, did go for a DNA test but only after the assistance of both Darren and Xin Xiaoli who kept bugging him to find the identity of the baby before treating her as his own. But the test further proved that Ava was indeed his daughter. He was actually over the moon when he got the test result but he was also really sad.

How could anyone choose to abandon such a small baby?

How heartless one had to be able to do such an act?

He honestly couldn't tell and didn't want to care about that either. Because that day he decided only to love one person and that was his daughter. He promised himself that he'd shower her with all the love even beyond his capability. Perhaps, that's why he stopped going to work and chasing after his dreams. He was stuck to his daughter like a glue mostly. 

It was a pity that the only time he picked up some courage to part from her, he almost lost her for good. It was safe to say that he was thoroughly traumatized and this incident was only gonna make his over-protectiveness to get fiercer.

Xin Zimen who listened to his son silently finally spoke up, "Where is her mother? Or should I ask who is her mother?"