Imperfect Desires

'My parents would love you...' 

Apparently, it was a very simple sentence to Darren but for Xiu, it held so much meaning that she couldn't describe in her words. That compliment hit straight to her heart and made some unknown emotions surge inside her. 

'Xiao Xiu, be at your best behavior. I really want my mother to like you and it's only possible if you don't do anything against her wishes.' A distant voice rang in her mind making her lips curl up at the irony of this particular situation.

She tilted her head sideways saying, "Why would she like me when I didn't do anything to please her? Wouldn't she be taking a whole test to know whether I am good enough for you or not?"

Darren raised his brows at her inquisitively, holding her both hands, he smiled at her again. "She isn't the one spending her life with you. I am. Loving you is my decision, not hers. As for pleasing her..." he flicked on her forehead saying, "Silly girl! Both my mothers hate brown-nosing. Even though my godmother is now a housewife but she can read people better than anyone. She loves anyone who is genuine." He rubbed her head saying, "You of all people don't have to please anyone. She's gonna fall in love with you instantly. I promise."

Xiu's eyes widened slightly as she stared back at him in awe and wonder. She was trying to figure out what kind of parents did he really have. Why was he always different than what she had expected? Or what she was used to? Why he always challenged those stereotypical ways of society? Was it because he grew up in western culture? Or was it just him being himself?

He never cared about what people think or said even when she was Chen Xiu and even after years, he was still the same. He still didn't give a damn about other's opinions.

Lao Tzu said, 'Care about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner.'

People do tend to spend their lifetime trying to please others rather than pleasing themselves. Ask yourself, when was the last time you actually did something that your heart told you to? Because 99% of the time, we tend to disregard what our own wishes are. Just because of... What will society say?

However, what we disregard is not just our simple wishes. It's our own self. Trying to make everyone happy, we end up in the darkness of sadness ourself and nobody cares. And why would anybody care when we never cared about our own self in the first place. We have come to put ourselves as the second priority in life and that's the reason for our downfall.

At least, Xiu knew that it was the key to her failure; she chose to please others rather than herself. But was it really her fault?

'Xiu, don't laugh too loud...'

'Xiu, don't be a nuisance to others. You can eat what others are eating.'

'Xiu, stop wearing such cheap baggy clothes. Think of your image.'

These were just a couple of statements that rang in her mind but there were countless moments when she was taught to put herself down and do what aligned with others' wishes. She didn't create her own path, she had ignored her soul for so long that even her soul felt tired and lonely. She had lived the life of a prisoner whose only job was to please anyone and everyone. 

And those same people never even once questioned, whether she really was happy herself?

In a daze, she whispered, "You really make me question my life as Chen Xiu."

Darren played with her fingers as he said, "If you are living the life of Bai Xiu, shouldn't you get over the life Chen Xiu had?" Xiu's eyes went round as he continued, "Sweets, you have to grow out of the fears that Chen Xiu lived with. Drop those insecurities now. It isn't worth it."

Xiu contemplated his words with a strange gaze on him trying to read his expressions which didn't give anything away except for the palpable affection and love in his eyes for her that was enough to warm her heart and push her to make her decision.

"I'll go with you," said Xiu and went on, "I have to take this bitter pill of insecurities anyway. Why not today?"

Darren nodded his head reassuringly as he led her out of the restaurant towards the car. As they settled down, Xiu said, "Your godmother is just like Dylan or different?"

"Mmm... Not sure," said Darren in reply before adding, "I mean, she is eccentric but not childish like Dylan. In fact, she has a very sweet personality. You might get comfortable with her without even realizing it. She doesn't keep that stern mother persona but she is stern though."

"You're comfortable with her as much as you're with your own mother?" asked Xiu as she placed her head on Darren's shoulder and closed her eyes.

 "Actually, sometimes I'm even more comfortable with Wei Ma then Mama. They both are very different. Wei Ma never gets angry with me. But Mama even ends up hitting me. So, there are a couple of secrets that only Wei Ma knows and Mama doesn't have a clue."

"So when Dylan says you both are brothers from another mother, he isn't lying? Since his mother is so close to you, he's practically your brother," said Xiu.

"That's right," replied Darren without missing a beat.

Xiu wasn't surprised to know that Darren was Zhao Wei's favorite. After all, Darren had the charm to make anyone around him fall for him. Even though Xiu loved this about him but it really worried her as well. Since you never know when a third-party could get a wrong idea about him. She was mad at him again for having such amazing charms.

Just like that, instead of worrying about meeting Dylan's mother, she was more worried about how to announce to everyone that Darren was taken. If she could, she'd make him wear a t-shirt that read, 'Keep your distance, this man is taken!'

But she couldn't do that. So, she had to come up with something subtle to make her statement clear. Her thinking process only stopped going awry when Darren announced, "We're here."

Xiu was startled to hear that. She didn't expect to reach that soon. Now, she was again under stress. No matter how much Darren reassured her, the trauma of a lifetime couldn't possibly go away in one night with simple words. Right?

When Darren offered his hand to her as he opened the door of the car, Xiu took a long calming breath and placed her hand in his as she willed herself, 'It's do or die anyway! Let's just do it!'