Imperfect Desires

They say you glow differently when you're not hating, hurting, feeling bitter or messy. That statement could be proved if one looked at Xiu's face at that time. And why wouldn't she be glowing so brightly when she had the human form of sunshine right beside her?

And yes, that human form of sunshine was none other than Darren himself who could brighten up her day or mood at any time or any place. 

Right now, Darren was busy in the kitchen downstairs when Xiu sat at the chair staring at him constantly. It was close to midnight but she was still hungry. So, being the considerate boyfriend that he was, Darren decided to make some noodles for her. 

"You're staring again," her daydreaming was interrupted when she heard Darren's voice and straightened up. He wasn't bothered by her gaze but he was bothered by the sheer intensity of her gaze. And that made it very difficult for him to focus on a simple task.

Shrugging her shoulders, she replied, "Can't help it. If I won't stare at my 'ikigai', who else would I stare at?"

Darren furrowed his brows, "What's ikigai?"

"Encompassing joy... Or the thing that gets you up in the morning," answered Xiu joyously making Darren feel strange for some reason. But Xiu didn't notice his expressions as she continued happily, "In my case, my mornings are happy just knowing that I'd be seeing you. That's why you're my ikigai!"

"Where did you learn it from?" asked Darren as he placed the steaming hot bowl of noodles before her. 

"I learned it while I was shooting a Japanese movie, it's been a long time but I still can recall." Of course, she could recall it very well. During that time, she was so fascinated by Japanese myths and legends that she couldn't help but pick up the Japanese language along the way of her curiosity.

"Do you talk to Nora like this as well?" asked Darren looking at her eat heartily. He knew that Xiu was crazy but he also knew that Nora was crazier. There was no doubt that they both would do some craziest shit together. But he couldn't wrap his mind around the fact how Xiu managed to accept a friend in life when she was so scared of being backstabbed.

With her mouthful of noodles, she didn't say anything. After swallowing she said, "Nope. If I talked like this to Nora, she'd know that I'm not her best friend. I don't want to scare that girl. Besides, she'd definitely send me to a mental hospital unlike you."

"But can you really deceive her forever?" Xiu stopped eating as she looked back at him. "From what I know about you, you hate deceiving people. Even when you smiled for the camera, you never intended to deceive people. You're always deceiving yourself."

"Okay, here is the thing you don't know about me," said Xiu while Darren paid his full attention to her. "I don't have memories of the real owner of this body. I don't even know who she really was. Everything I knew about Bai Xiu came from Nora. But recently, I learned that her name wasn't even Bai Xiu. Her birth name was Destiny."

"Then Bai Xiu wasn't her name?" asked Darren. Now his curiosity was piqued to a whole new level.

Xiu shook her head saying, "Not at all. I do know that she chose Xiu as her given name because of me." 

"You?"

"Me as in Chen Xiu."

"She knew you?"

"That's what I want to know," replied Xiu in frustration. "Nora said that Destiny was obsessed with Chen Xiu but as for why she was so obsessed, she doesn't know. And neither do I cause I have no clue if we have ever met nor do I have her memories to guide me through."

"That seems complicated," said Darren thoughtfully.

"It is complicated. My memory wasn't the best as Chen Xiu because of my drinking escapades. So, it's highly possible that my brain skipped over the part where I met her. But why can't I recall anything from Destiny's memories is completely out of my understanding."

Darren thought about it himself. But it was the truth that it was already hard enough for him to make peace with reincarnation. How could he even think about these memories and stuff? "Can't Nora help you with that?" 

"She's hopeless herself. She used to say that Destiny used to share everything with her but only now I learned that Destiny's life was a complete mystery to Nora as well. Destiny had plenty of secrets and I think I'm close to finding those secrets. But yet those secrets are far from me."

"Why are you talking like that?"

"I found Destiny's treasure box that she kept really safe but I don't have the key to open it. To find the key, I have to solve the riddle that she left behind," told Xiu and felt good that she finally had someone to share all of that with and especially when that someone was Darren.

Even if Darren couldn't help her through all of that, it was enough that he was someone who knew everything. Also, as long as he was beside her that was enough to keep her going and striving hard to finding the truth behind the girl named; Destiny Novell.

"What's the riddle?" asked Darren. "Maybe I'd be of some help?"

"I say nothing yet you know, I have a name but I have to let it go. I have no mouth yet I tell a tale. I make you smile, I make you cry. I make memories come alive." Xiu repeated the riddle right as she remembered it. "Honestly, I have no clue what she's talking about since I never took interest in riddles in my whole life."

"Focus on eating as well, your noodles will get soggy," reminded Darren as he thought about this riddle as well. 

Xiu finished her noodles in silence and went around the kitchen counter to wash the dishes when she came back, she noticed that Darren was still engrossed in thinking all by himself. She tapped his shoulder and said, "You don't have to be that serious about it."

"Aren't you in a hurry to learn about the mystery?" questioned Darren looking at her oddly.

"That's true that I want to know this mystery but that's not true that I'm in a hurry. I have learned how to be patient. If the answers are meant to be mine, they'll eventually come to me. Worrying about it so much won't help my cause at all."

Darren touched her head as he said, "You've really grown up now." He took a pause before asking, "But why do you want to know this mystery? Isn't life just alright without it for the past five years?"

"Even though life had been more than just fine for the past years, I still want to learn the truth. Because I want to know the person who gave me her life. I heard life is a mysterious thing even though each of us is writing our own tale, somehow or someway these tales of ours get intricately intertwined. I want to know just how my tale got connected with hers."

The more he listened the more he understood her yearning to know that mystery. Living in someone else's body without knowing why could also be hell in itself. 

Darren heaved a long sigh as he said, "Hmm... These tales are really intricately intertwined. Just like yours and mine."

"Ours is different," said Xiu certainly.

"How?"

"Because our tales managed to connect even beyond the border of death. How fascinating. Or terrifying?"

Darren laughed at her reaction saying, "It's terrifyingly fascinating."

"Oh, that's a very true description," agreed Xiu as she gave him two thumbs up in appreciation.

"Come, I'll take you home," said Darren as he held her hand and walked out of the house to board the car. As they settled in the back seat of the car, Xiu's eyes were glued to the lone house that stood at the top of the hill. "What's wrong, Sweets?"

Xiu peeled her eyes off of the house to turn her head towards Darren and said, "I forgot to say thank you."

"For what?"

Xiu pointed at the house saying, "For making my only dream come to life even when I wasn't there to see it."

Darren placed his arm around her shoulder and said, "So what if you weren't there? I believed as long as your memories are here, it's worth it."

"That's why I said thank you... For keeping me alive in your memories."