Imperfect Desires

As Darren slowly opened the door and Xiu took a step inside, she was in awe. Not because the house was like a fairytale or something over the top. She was in awe at the simplicity of what she could see. The walls were an off-white color just like the outside of the house and the wooden floor was so sleek and spotless. 

The living room had a royal blue and white theme. The last rays of sun radiated off of the small crystal chandelier in the living room making the sight absolutely immaculate. Xiu was so lost in her observation that it took her a while to notice that Darren was making his way up to the second floor.

Silently, she also trailed behind him. The clean and modern interior of the house really seemed like someone had brought her dream house to reality. She shook her head to get rid of nonsensical thoughts and was once again mesmerized. The second floor's living room had French doors that opened up to a terrace. One could see the picturesque perfect view of the city from that point as the sun was hidden behind skyscrapers and it's parting rays radiated off the glass buildings.

Passing through the hallway, Darren stopped in front of the door of the very last room. Xiu noticed his clenched fists before he took a deep breath and pushed open the door. Even though Xiu was hesitating but she was curious as well. That's why she followed him in and the first thing that caught her eyes was the grand piano lying beside the glass wall looking over the landscapes.

The piano was a beauty in itself but what made that room even more special was the glass roof. As the night was falling slowly, Xiu could tell that it must look wonderful to stargaze from there. However, she was still clueless as to why Darren brought her there. She looked at him questioningly as she asked, "Am I missing something?"

Darren nodded his head and held her shoulders to turn her towards the other wall of the room. Xiu's eyes widened to see what was before her. The wall was filled with photo frames and the person in those photos was none other than herself. Not as Bai Xiu. That wasn't the face of Bai Xiu.

The pictures weren't of Superstar Chen Xiu as well. Instead, those photos were of just Chen Xiu. A normal young woman who was just like anybody else. Xiu had never seen those photos before anywhere. The candid photos had one thing in common... Her genuine smile. Except for one photo that hung right in the middle of the wall.

In the photo, only half of her face was visible as she looked ahead. Her eyes looked desolate and lost. She was holding a translucent curtain while she looked to be standing on a balcony. Xiu walked towards the photo and frowned as she noticed a certain detail of that photo. She was wearing a hospital gown.

Xiu's heart thumped so loud that it was the only thing she could hear. Her thoughts were jumbled up but no matter how she looked at this situation, she couldn't tell why he brought her there. Or why her photos were there? What did it mean? What was he trying to tell her? Her mind was so messed up that she didn't even want to make assumptions at all.

"She...?" Xiu tried to speak as she pointed at the photos but couldn't find any words. She was speechless, to say the least. She found it quite bizarre and even if she wanted to explain her feelings, all she could say was it was complicated as hell.

But Darren could see a storm of questions rising in her eyes. He wasn't surprised at all though. Since that was exactly what he had expected from her. "Can you recognize her?" he asked out of the blue. When Xiu nodded her head, he ended up scoffing as he muttered, "She was right. I was the only idiot who didn't know her." 

Xiu had heard his words clearly and could tell what he was referring to. And a smile hung at the corner of her lips when she thought back to the time he looked so clueless about her identity. But she wasn't angry. That was one of the rare moments when she felt free.

"Talking about Chen Xiu as a person or a celebrity is easy," Darren started as he looked at the photo wall and continued, "But it might be difficult to explain who she was in my life." Xiu's brows raised up instinctively. "Damn! I practiced so many times and yet I don't know what to say to you now."

Xiu's heart shook for some reason and she took a step towards him and took his hand in her own saying, "You can take your time. I'm right here."

Darren looked in her eyes and smiled at her reassurance. "Do you know even though you both have the same name, I never could find her in you. Honestly, at first, I wanted to. I so badly wanted to look for her in you. But I couldn't do so. Whenever I looked at you, I wanted to smile. And whenever I used to look at her, I wanted to make her smile." Xiu's eyes moved at his confession as he went on, "Except for the name, you both are like two different people. Her image of being a celebrity had taken deep root in her soul. So deep that even she had forgotten what or who she really was."

Darren caressed Xiu's face saying, "But you're different. From the beginning, you knew what you wanted and how you're gonna get it. You know how to fight for what is yours. You don't back down even if the argument seems petty. I love that confidence of yours. Remember that letter you wrote to yourself during the screening process?" Xiu didn't answer because she knew he wasn't expecting one as he continued, "The way you apologized to yourself for not trying hard enough for yourself made me realize the biggest difference between you and her. Chen Xiu always did what people asked of her but she never apologized to herself for mistreating herself like that."

Xiu wanted to laugh at how right he was. But if she had laughed, she would have looked pathetic to herself.

He stayed quiet for a moment before speaking again, "However, if I really have to tell you what she was to me then I can only say..." Xiu's heartbeat sped up as she anticipated his answer. For some reason, she felt nervous and even had to clench her fist to keep herself stable. "She is my unrequited love. A person who was literally like a star in my life. I don't know about the rest but I know one thing for certain. She made me who I am today."