Imperfect Desires

Xiu had recently read online that in a research conducted by a behavioral economist and Duke professor Dan Ariely showed that highly controversial questions on a first date actually helps people in understanding the emotions and values of a person. Run-of-the-mills questions like work, family, and hobbies are meaningful but they don't provide the emotions that you're often looking for.

As they walked around after the dinner, Xiu looked at the side of Darren's face and asked, "Have you ever broken someone's heart?" Darren ended up choking on air as he coughed as her out of the blue question. Xiu rubbed his back slowly and thought, 'Wasn't that a highly controversial question? What's with the reaction?'

"Are you serious about this question?" He asked after he stopped coughing.

"Uh-huh," was Xiu's reply.

Darren stayed quiet for a second before saying, "I don't know about others. But there is indeed one heart that I broke."

"Others? Do that others refer to the ones you dated before?" Xiu stood before him looking at his face while Darren tried to look away.

This was definitely so not what he had expected. "Sweets, trust me you don't wanna go down that road."

"Why not? How many did you date? There must be a number?" 

"What if I lost count a long time ago?" retorted Darren as he looked back at her. 

It was close to midnight and there wasn't a single soul in sight at this time. Perhaps that's why the silence between them felt eerie for a second.

"I don't believe that. You don't look like a casanova," said Xiu after thinking for a moment.

Darren flicked her forehead lightly as he said, "You really... Forget it, I don't even know what to say to you."

"So, why did you broke that person's heart?" Xiu still didn't let it go as she asked.

Darren breathed out through his mouth before he said, "It's not like I wanted to. I promised her I'll come to see her but... Something unexpected happened and I didn't keep my promise. The last message she sent me was that I really broke her heart. I thought it'd be fine once I see her later but who knew she wasn't gonna give me another chance."

When he talked like this Xiu really had more and more inkling that Darren sounded just like him. She always found Darren's voice pleasing but she didn't realize it until today that his voice held so much resemblance to someone else'. His words were vague so she couldn't get the hint behind his words. She couldn't understand that she was the one who never gave him another chance.

But seeing how he looked depressed and dejected, she realized she had touched a very sensitive topic. She didn't feel good seeing him like this at all.

"Whatever. That's all in the past. We all have broken a heart or two knowingly or unknowingly. There is nothing to be ashamed of." Xiu tried to lighten the mood with an awkward laugh. "Oh, so there is really no one else in your family other than your mother?"

"Nope. My grandfather died when I was five then only mom and I were left," replied Darren without any sign of being irritated by her questions. When he didn't mention anything about his father, she didn't bother questioning him as well. It was like a silent understanding that the father's topic was not allowed.

"Do you know I never had a midnight date ever before in my life?" 

"Now I know," said Darren in a knowing manner.

"Huh? What?" She asked in confusion.

"That you're Cinderella. Because she always has to run back home at midnight that's why she can't have a date at midnight," replied Darren looking at her with a straight face. "So, Cindy, why aren't you running back now?"

Xiu's lips twitched at his words as a smile was threatening to escape and it did. She took a deep breath and said, "Do you believe in love at first sight? Who do you think has a higher probability of falling in love at first sight? Men or women?"

"Men," was Darren's reply without even thinking.

"How are you so sure?" she asked.

"Because it saves them trouble and saves their money as well," Darren shrugged his shoulders so nonchalantly as if this was the most sensible thing to say. "Usually, they believe it's the love calling out to them but later they realize that it was just another wrong number."

However, Xiu didn't know why she ended up laughing like a fool. Seeing how she was laughing heartily, he added, "I always thought people could only laugh at my love life, didn't know my jokes are also funny sometimes."

At this, Xiu laughed even more. She laughed to the point of tears in her eyes. It took her a while to stop laughing and as she wiped the corners of her eyes, she looked into Darren's eyes and said, "Can I tell you something?" As he nodded, Xiu only said, "It's the first time..." After that, she didn't speak. Not a word escaped her mouth. But she had said a lot in her mind, 'It's the first time that I have tears in my eyes at midnight because of laughing so hard. It's the first time, my tears don't represent the loneliness of my heart or life. It's also the first time that I actually have someone to hold my hand at midnight.'

Darren lifted his hand to rub her cheek with his thumb and smiled at her. He could feel her strong emotions through her eyes. Without a word, she said a lot to him. So much that he couldn't stop himself from pulling her in his arms and said nothing. He didn't feel like it was necessary at all.

But that silent hug was enough to make everything seem better to Xiu. She had heard that hugs did the magic that words of comfort could never achieve. She really felt good inside his arms. It was like a feeling of being protected. It felt safe in his arms. But how did she develop such a feeling for him so fast, was astonishing to her as well.

Perhaps, time really had nothing to do with feelings. Because being around Darren always felt like she knew him for years and she didn't even feel like that around her own mother whom she spent her whole life with.