I’m Not Going to Be Bullied By a Girl

When I saw the pleased Director Cao, I couldn’t help but ask what made him so happy.

Director Cao was quite astonished when he saw me moving freely about the production area, but he was always the type to live in the present, so he didn’t really ask any questions. He patted my shoulders happily like a gambler who won a large sum and said:

“Xiao Ye Zi, it was a blessing in disguise. It was a good thing I was arrested by the anti-pornography brigade.”

I was curious, “Don’t tell me you met your true love?”

Director Cao narrowed his eyes and his face was like an overripe tomato.

“Xiao Ye Zi, don’t joke around. I’m your dad’s friend, so I’m still sort of your elder.

“Hmph, but I’ll let what you said slide. Besides, please remember: my true love are lolis under ten years old… wearing unwashed panties.”

Fuck, how do you expect me to respect you if you say practically illegal things? If you even acted a bit like an elder, I would speak more respectfully.

Director Cao continued:

“I met a friend in prison while I was detained by the brigade. What do you know, he actually watched the first episode of my short film, “Bloody Battle of Jin Ling”. He’s also a parvenu who’s interested in film. We made a partnership where he’s the sponsor. I already received ¥2,000,000 of funding to film the remaining 9 episodes.”

My face darkened. Although I never met this parvenu sponsor, if he was caught for prostitution and became friends with Director Cao in jail, then he can’t be a healthy man. I assume he will soon join the HHH Enthusiasts club.

“But…” Director Cao scratched his head, “The sponsor’s business is luxury watches and wanted me to insert ads into my short films… even though I’m a genius, it’s still a bit difficult…”

Oh, like those inserted ads where the main protagonists picks up a bottle of coca-cola during dinner and says ‘Delicious and Refreshing’, and the coke gets a close-up?

It seems harmless, but Director Cao’s film is a period drama. Do you want the Thug to wear a Rolex while training his Asura and ripping his master in half? Wouldn’t some audience members believe they would also have powers if they wore a Rolex?

Director Cao had a regretful expression.

“I thought it would be fine if the Thug wore a watch. Even if the viewers found out and had a heated discussion, it would be good marketing.”

“It’s a pity Wu Sheng says he can’t get into character wearing a watch so we haven’t been able to start on the second episode.”

Wu Sheng, oh, the actor for the Thug. The one Director Cao handpicked from a theatre school and looks similar to me. But I heard he has severe depression and everyone calls him depressed bro.

Director Cao brushed the small goatee he purposely left on his face.

“Wu Sheng’s father is a diplomat, and his mother is a pianist, so he doesn’t lack money. He’s not willing to wear a watch no matter how high I raise his salary. Apparently the only reason he went to theatre school was because his depression was bad to the point where he almost hung himself and was only able to feel a tiny bit of joy when acting as someone else. Why am I so unlucky, I was finally able to secure funding, but the lead actor won’t cooperate.”

Wu Sheng isn’t the problem. You’re the one who has to enter Rolex ads, you’re the one with no principle.

Director Cao’s eyes brightened when he saw the watch I always wear on my left wrist.

“Hey, Xiao Ye Zi, it seems you like watches. Why don’t I give you a rolex, then you wear it in the short film and act as a substitute for the Thug. I don’t need to take shots of your face, just the watch. Since you look so similar, it would be fine even if we get a bit of your face.”

Shut up, you would be exposed right when the Thug wears a Rolex. I might think about it if I could be Jackie Chan’s stunt double like back in the days, there’s no way I would act as a double for ads.

I didn’t agree no matter how he persuaded me. Then he realized I had a personnel pass hanging around my deck. ‘Legend of the Magic Cauldron’ was written on it in both Chinese and English.

It was as if Director Cao was struck by lightning. He remained silent for a while with his mouth agape before he finally stammered and asked where I got the pass.

Thus I told him the story of how I knew Auntie Ren, the martial arts instructor, and how I accidentally landed a role.

Of course, I didn’t mention Xiao Qin or anything about our strange relationship.

I thought Director Cao would ask me about how American’s film, who knew the first thing he asked:

“Have you met Miss Ai Mi’er?”

“Yeah.” I casually responded, “My character was even kicked by hers five or six times.”

Director Cao was shocked and fell to the ground. He clutched at the wild grass that was peeking out from the mud ground.

“Too sly. I also want to be kicked by Miss Ai Mi’er.”

So that’s what you were worrying about, stop sexually fantasizing about my sister.

Director Cao showed me his wallet after he got up from the floor in low spirits.

In the usual place where someone would place a picture of their girlfriend, he had a picture of Ai Mi on stage.

There was one thing that made me feel awkward as a brother: Ai Mi’s skirt in the photo was really short. Her panties could be faintly seen through her translucent white gown skirt and was really alluring to pedophiles.

Who the fuck was the designer, I’m going to kill him. The front tickets must have been expensive with Ai Mi wearing this short skirt, one can imagine it was sold out instantly.

“What fans, they’re just a group of lolicons.” I assessed, “Ai Mi told me she felt the fans were as dumb as pigs.”

Director Cao kneeled again when he heard what I said. This time it was towards me.

“Xiao Ye Zi, so… you are already at the point where you can speak intimately with Miss Ai Mi’er, you even call her by a nickname.”

“Help your uncle out. I only have one request in this lifetime. I won’t get up if you don’t agree.”

Fuck, why does it feel like the time when Xiao Qin confessed to me. It feels like my goosebumps are going to fall out of my skin.

But he’s still my elder, so I bent down to help him up.

“Director Cao, no need for this courtesy, what if someone sees…”

Director Cao was actually pretty fat. If he forced himself put, I couldn’t lift him up.

“Xiao Ye Zi, don’t worry about me, first listen to my request. Please help me get a pair of panties worn by Miss Ai Mi’er, even better if it’s unwashed. I’ll give you ¥10,000… no, ¥15,000 for a pair.”

I… fuck, one pair of loli panties for ¥15,000. That’s many times more than my wages from playing the evil monk. Is this money from your funding, that’s pretty much embezzlement. How will you face mister parvenu or the film industry?

So I let go and Director Cao fell to the ground. He grimaced when his knees hit the floor.

But he still clung to my legs and wouldn’t let go.

“Xiao Ye Zi, Xiao Ye Zi, considering I’m your dad’s friend… considering my son is on good terms with you, help me out.”

“Director Cao, didn’t you say you only like panties of lolis under 10 years old. Ai Mi is already 12.”

Director Cao thought to himself, “If it’s Miss Ai Mi’er, it’s fine even if she’s 12. In my opinion, she’s fine probably up to 16.”

My ass she’s fine til 16. Normal people only consider 16 the start of maturity.

“I can’t help you.” I sternly rejected him, “It’s too perverted, I can’t do it.”

Director Cao’s small pupils began to burn more ferociously, “So that means it’s not that you can’t, but you don’t want to.”

He clenched his teeth, “Xiao Ye Zi, if you get me a pair of Miss Ai Mi’er’s panties, I’ll give you ¥20,000.”

I abruptly remembered the amount I was planning to give back to Ai ShuQiao to officially cut ties with her was twenty thousand.

Although I got a bit of money playing the evil monk and I’m still owed some more, I assume it won’t amount to over six thousand. And I can’t use the online store’s profits to satisfy my own selfish needs, but if I got twenty thousand from Director Cao…

When security for film city saw Director Cao crying while holding my leg and me holding his wallet, he thought I was a mugger, good thing he didn’t tase me.

After finally explaining myself and escaping from Director Cao, a demonic voice repeated words next to my ear:

“Twenty thousand, twenty thousand, twenty thousand…”

But I can’t. How will I face Ai Mi, how will I face the world? Should I run in front of Ai Mi and say:

“Your brother’s in need of twenty thousand dollars, take off your underwear.”

There are no older brothers this worthless.