Chapter One Hundred and Sixteen: Critical Failure

Christina's Arc: Bend or Break

"I already fucking told you; it was only a few students," Christina said.

We walked down the hallways, and I sneered at any student who looked at me. Christina walked behind me.

"I was out cold for a whole damn period, Christina, because you stress me the hell out. Now, I missed math."

"You don't even like math!"

"I don't like you right now."

…

Christina's footsteps stopped.

"That isn't fair!" Christina screamed. "I did what any woman would have done after hearing that shit. Putting this shit solely on me is bullshit."

Damn, why did she have to be right? But I understood what Jenie meant. I could have explained it to Christina, but I knew she would blow up.

I continued walking, but Christina's footsteps were long gone.

Maybe I did too much. I should have just said, 'You're right, and I only did it so you wouldn't kill Jenie yet.' But now I'm in it, and I need to figure a way out before she loses her shit and actually kills Jenie.

I pushed the door to the Golden Bloom game club open slowly.

I hope Nakamura can forgive me for…

Nakamura was sitting there in a circle with her nerd friends, eating a bento. Everyone had their game cards along with a sheet of paper. Kanna had a whole damn notebook.

"Well, I'm glad to see you eating, Nakamura. I thought the lunch debacle would have meant starvation, or something."

"Oh, Jenie gave it to me. She said that you wanted me to have it," Nakamura said with a mouthful of food.

Well, I did want you to have it, but I never told Jenie. Jenie was in the void with me. Shit, Jenie was in my void, and she did some weird shit to Shizuka's silhouette.

They'd already moved the center desks into a circle, and JT had her stupid book open. We glared at each other.

"You ready, nooby? This Session Zero's going to make you wish you were with your queen."

Pft. "I'm more than ready for you, JT."

***

Shit!

"I'm not ready, JT. I need more time to look over this stupid character card and backstory."

Damn, Natsuki, for ruining my chance to make my own character. Now I got this… shit.

"What's the matter, Knox? I thought you were ready?"

I bit my thumb.

"I'm continuing. You've walked into the tavern and noticed it's mostly women. A few ladies are drinking in celebration of something grand. A mysterious, cloaked figure is nursing a pint by the window. The bard is taking a break, and the bartender is cleaning a mug. What do you do? Who do you talk to?"

I looked around the circle. Kanna was clenching her fists and holding them by her cheeks. Mirei drummed her fingers. Nakamura… ate an onigiri, and JT smiled.

What kind of game is this? For the love of someone's freedom. Tell me what I'm supposed to do, you monster.

"The world waits for no one, Knox."

Shit! If I'd made my own character, I'd be big and bald—a complete unit. But no! She made me cute with long hair. But why is one side in dreadlocks and the other side isn't? Like, why?

"A service boy with sharp fangs and shaved horns walks up to you and asks, 'What's the matter, lad? Are you lost?'"

"Um, do I just tell you my reaction, or do I write it out?"

JT rubbed her chin.

JT grinned. "You could always act it out."

"Come on, JT. Just tell me what I'm supposed to do, so everyone else can play, because this is getting annoying."

"I'm not JT. No, I'm a waiter, young lad, and I'd like it if you'd please tell me why you are here. Perhaps you should take a seat and peruse the menu. After all, it's not every day a man walks into a tavern alone. Are you expecting someone?"

I turned to Nakamura, who had started on the octopus.

"Don't look at her. She isn't part of this session, and you can't use any of the information you get out of character. Since you don't truly know what that means, I'll explain it."

I crossed my arms.

"Your character is Knox. Knox is currently in a tavern. Where is Carter right now?"

"I'm sitting in someone's classroom in Crimson High School."

"That's correct," JT said, clasping her hands and setting them on her desk. "Carter's knowledge of the game cannot influence Knox's knowledge of Elarune."

"But, how am I supposed to interact?"

JT pressed her hand against her forehead and sighed.

"For the goddess's sake! Think of it like reading a novel. First, the character performs an action; then the story gives you the character's dialogue, but they don't always need to appear in that order. Sometimes the action can come after the dialogue, but the way you do it carries different meanings. Now, do something before we all grow old waiting on you."

Fine! You want Knox in Elarune, you're gonna get Knox.

"Excuse me, I would like a menu."

"Finally, some movement. The waiter hands you a menu that's fifty pages thick. 'I'm sorry for handing you what must feel like a directory, but we—'"

"I slap the waiter with the menu."

…

"W-what?"

"You heard me. Knox hits the waiter with the phonebook—"

"It's a menu… Okay, okay. The waiter nearly falls over. As he does, he holds his left cheek and asks, 'Why did you hit me, lad—'"

"I hit him again. This time, on his right cheek."

…

"Why are you beating up the waiter?"

"Who's asking? JT or the waiter?"

The girls started whispering.

"Fine, I'll allow you to stop the session and ask questions, but you've gotta justify why you decided to go dead evil on the poor waiter!"

I clasped my hands together, rested them on the table, and crossed my legs, gaining the girls' attention.

"It's simple, JT. The whole thing looks suspicious from Knox's perspective. I walk into a bar—"

"Tavern."

"—and I can't remember why I'm there. On top of that, I asked for a menu, and he handed me his life's work—"

"It was a menu!"

"Finally, who gives anyone that much attention just because they entered a room?"

…

"Everywhere. The grocery store, every restaurant, park, museum, shopping center, movie theater, and customer service. Do you live under a rock?"

Well, this is awkward because I kinda have been. Sakura was a real jerk after I turned twelve, and older girls started to notice me playing with her at the park. That's the last time she let me hang out outside.

"You live… under a rock," I muttered. "Look, I did what I did, and it isn't going to change."

JT sighed, then scribbled something onto a piece of paper.

"If that's how you want to play, then you've activated your evil-head monster."

…

Natsuki, I'm going to say so much bad shit when I get home!

"What the h… What is this, JT? We've never agreed on a dang head, whatever it's called!"

JT pressed her hand to the side of her head. Then she smoothed her hair back.

"I'm going to give it to you plainly, Knox. The woman I spoke to assured me that if I changed your character, even a little, she'll find me, and I believe her. So, it's locked in."

Damn. Maybe I won't say bad shit to Natsuki… Natsuki Shiranui? Is she related to Yoshime?

"Fine, just tell me what an evil-head monster is before I lose it."

"I knew you would do something stupid, just not this stupid, so we've drawn you a picture."

JT reached down and pulled a manila envelope from her backpack. She delicately held the envelope in front of her and slowly, carefully drew a piece of paper from it. Once she could see enough of the picture, she slid it back in, turned the envelope around, and pulled the picture out completely.

That was excessive for one picture.

The image was… I hated it, but it was really well drawn. My dreadlocks were actually nice, and the half-and-half look was decent. But for some reason, she gave me blue eyes and white skin. My armor was this lame-ass white and red cloth-looking thing with two long pieces draped over my shoulders, hanging nearly to my feet. In the picture, my character seems so happy that it's disgusting.

"Did you get a good look at Knox?"

That ain't me.

"Yeah, sure."

JT turned the picture around, showing me the other image on the back.

"This is your evil-head monster."

It was the same image, except it wasn't. This version of Knox had black skin and green eyes. His robes—if I could call them that to begin with—were black, and the two long cloth pieces were flipped to his back, revealing leather-looking armor on his chest.

He wasn't smiling.

He grinned, and it was beautiful. It hit differently.

"Who drew this, JT?"

…

"Why? Do you have something bad to say about it, Knox?"

"No, I just think that whoever drew this is talented and shouldn't be wasting their talents drawing pictures for you."

"Wow! I'm thinking the evil-head monster was a good call."

We glowered at each other.

"Just tell me who drew it!"

"Well, if you must know, Kanna drew it."

Kanna's a third-year, and JT is a second-year. So, they don't have classes together. This picture is fully colored, so she couldn't have drawn it just now, even if I were late. So, when?

"Kanna," I said, and the poor thing almost jumped out of her seat. "This is awesome. You've got a real gift for drawing. I just hope you do something with it besides help JT destroy me by giving me weird penalties for playing how I want."

Kanna blushed, covered her face with her hair, and shrank into her seat, which caused Mirei to whistle.

Her reactions are so damn cute.

"If we're done messing around here, the last blow sends the waiter to the floor. He recoils, sobbing loudly. Then he places both hands up in a defensive posture. 'Please, sir, I only wanted to serve you,' he squeaks out through shallow breaths. His cries catch the attention of the tavern's patrons. Choose your next move carefully."

…

"I, um. What does this head monster do?"

"I'm glad you asked, Knox. It's the smartest thing you've done so far."

What an ass! You were going to let me act without telling me!

JT fixed her glasses, causing a glare. "The evil-head monster is a choice modifier. It also turns all your soul-soothing abilities into mind-shattering spells instead, giving you a dark affinity. "

"That sounds cool—"

"All your decisions must be lust-driven until you roll a saving throw."

…

"What?" I asked. "I need you to elaborate, JT."

"You heard me, Knox. Lust. An uncontrollable desire… or—"

I wiped my forehead.

"—You are in a tavern full of women, Knox. Roll a saving throw. Oh, and after you roll a saving throw, you have to do something charitable to acquire a light affinity."

…

"You hate me, don't you?"

"Most of the time. Now, roll."

JT handed me a die with a lot more sides than four. It ranged from one to twenty.

I didn't get any instructions on what this shit means.

"How high do I need to roll?"

"Fifteen."

That's cracked. I've got fourteen chances to fail this damn roll and only six to pass. This has to be against the rules.

I shook the lonely die, and it fell to the floor. We all leaned over our desks to learn my fate.

One.

Nakamura laughed, JT giggled, Mirei sucked air through her teeth, and Kanna was as cute as she could be, burying her face in her arms.

"Okay, JT, what does rolling a 'one' mean?"

JT stood up and lifted her right hand high into the air. Then she dropped it like she was swinging an axe and pointed at me when it came to a complete stop. "Critical failure!"

"That's a bit harsh."

Nakamura gently tapped my shoulder. She had finished the bento box. It was picked clean.

"She doesn't mean that you are a critical failure. It's just what it's called when you roll a one because—"

JT coughed.

"It means an adverse reaction is about to occur. "

"Um, Junko," Nakamura said, raising her hand. "Isn't that a n—"

"No backseat gaming, Shadow Song. Now," JT cleared her throat. "Knox's eyes widen, his vision blurs, and his heart races. You also notice that your hands are sweaty, and your breathing is shallow. The god of lust is influencing your decisions."

…

"Why? What have I done that's so great that a god would want to notice me, JT?"

"I don't know, Knox. Ask the poor waiter boy who is reeling on the floor from your assault."

I swallowed saliva. Then I looked around the room.

I seriously needed help with this crazy girl. But Kanna only peeked at me, and Mirei smiled harder than I did when I saw my picture.

"Fine, Waiter boy—"

"That was rhetorical, Knox."

…

I sighed and crossed my arms. "This is stupid. I'm going to read that dumb book, because I think you're just pulling one over on me."

"Fine, I'll even lend you my guidebook," JT said. "But clubs are almost over, and all you've done is whine about everything. So, make a move, or are you stalling?"

I hate this so much. Like, what the hell am I supposed to do? I bet she wants me to do something weird with one of the women in this make-pretend room. Well, fat chance that happens.

"Stop stalling, Knox—"

"Fine! Knox grabs the waiter by his nubs, mounts him, and kisses him."

…

"Oh, oh. I wasn't ready for this," Mirei said, blushing. "I mean, wahoo, I'm so happy I came to school today.

"That's right, and I mean a real kiss with tongue and moaning."

JT stared at me. The tint in her face was slowly rising, too.

Nakamura, who was sitting to the right of me, blushed, too. But her mouth was open. So, I placed my hand under her chin and closed her mouth.

"And when I'm done with his mouth, I go for the throat. Now, give me the die so I can roll."

Kanna stomped her feet and squealed, but remained hidden, buried face down in her arms.

Then the bell rang.