If the Deep Sea Forgets You

Xia Qingyi remembered everything in the hazy illusion.

Even though she had remembered eight years’ worth of memories from since she was injured at 11 years old in her sleep, she had only slept for less than an hour on the ambulance in reality.

Eight years and one hour, she was actually unable to tell which was long and which was short at the moment.

Seeing that she had opened her eyes and seemed to be conscious, the hospital staff in the ambulance asked her, “How do you feel?”

She closed her eyes and opened them again. There was a breathing tube in her nose, and she did not speak. She only turned her head to the side, and in her daze she saw that small bright lamp in the ambulance.

The shop owner she had seen earlier was not in the ambulance, and she did not know where he had gone. There was only a doctor wearing a white coat and a middle-aged man sitting down, probably hospital staff as well.

She struggled to sit up, and the doctor immediately pressed her down, “Don’t move, you need to rest for a while now.”

Xia Qingyi said, “I feel much better now, can I go back?”

The doctor looked at her in surprise, “Go back? But you’re in the ambulance?”

“I’m sorry to trouble you all. I really feel much better now, there should be no problems. Please stop the ambulance at the crossroads in front, I can go by myself.”

The doctor looked a little unhappy, pointed at the electrocardiogram connected to her body and said, “Look at your heartbeat now, it’s 120 bpm, your blood oxygen level is insufficient as well, nor is your breathing in good condition. It’s better for you to go to the hospital for a checkup now.”

“I know… but I feel that my body has nearly recovered, I want to go back early. I still have something I need to do at home so I wish to rush back. I’ll definitely go to the hospital tomorrow and have a thorough checkup.” Xia Qingyi actually did not want to go to the hospital. If she went, they would definitely make her go though a lot of checkups, and she would definitely be unable to return to S City by tonight as planned. If she called Mo Han, he would worry, and she did not want to worry him.

The doctor saw how insistent she was, and since her heart rate on the monitor had decreased, and her complexion looked much better after she had awoken, he decided to respect her decision. He gave her a few basic instructions, dropped her off at a crossroad and drove off.

When Xia Qingyi got out of the car, she suddenly felt a little unreal when her feet stepped onto the ground, as though she had just woken up from a very long dream. She stared at the back view of the ambulance disappearing into the distance, and then finally moved her line of sight to the familiar streets that she had forgotten for a long time.

She had lived in this familiar city for eight years.

Her past self had hidden in this city for such a long time. This city was actually very small, and she had almost explored every single nook and cranny of this place in the dark in her eight years here.

She had spent eight years in those dark days.

Xia Qingyi went to Xiao Ye’s tombstone in the end. After saying a few words to the guardian of the graveyard, he led her to a secluded corner. She had not gone to Xiao Ye’s funeral at that time, so she did not know that he was buried there. Third Young Master had told her the address, and whether it was coincidental or intentional that Xiao Ye was buried at the place where he had mentioned he wanted to be buried at after he died remained unknown.

Third Young Master had probably arranged for it. She remembered that he was there as well when Xiao Ye said it.

A few more months and it would be the first anniversary of his death.

After so long, after going through so many twists and turns, after going so far away, Xia Qingyi came to Xiao Ye’s tombstone for the first time and finally saw what it was like.

She did not want to cry, but after seeing the yellowing photo of his smiling face on the tombstone, Xia Qingyi’s tears flowed out. She forced herself to maintain her smile because she wanted her smiling face to be the first thing that Xiao Ye saw, but she could not do it no matter what, her teardrops falling down onto her hands.

She covered her own mouth to soften the sounds of her crying. “I’m sorry… I’m sorry…I should have… come earlier…”

She should have said all these words during Xiao Ye’s funeral that day nine months ago, but she had not expected that nine months would pass by before she truly said it to him.

“I’m sorry… I’m sorry…” Xia Qingyi only apologized, not knowing what else she could say.

Even until now, she kept thinking that if she was stronger and smarter at that time, she would have been able to rush over and save him on the day he died, then a lot of things would have been different now.

After waking up and feeling all the memories rush back into her head, she slowly realized that many of the fleeting nightmares in the past were connected with Xiao Ye.

Xia Qingyi could never forget Xiao Ye’s expressions from those dreams, how he had reached his hand out towards her with blood splattered all over his face. He said, “Sister, save me. I was waiting for you to save me.”

In her dreams, he even said to her, “You should leave quickly, you should leave quickly… get away from this place now and leave me alone.”

She did not know exactly what the real Xiao Ye was thinking that day before he died. She only knew that she did not go and save him that day when she could have.

This was the nightmare of her life.

Xia Qingyi was now crying soundlessly in front of Xiao Ye’s tombstone, whispering “I’m sorry… I’m sorry…”

She looked at Xiao Ye’s smiling face on the tombstone and cried for a long time before she left that day. Other than saying sorry, she did not speak of much else, and Xiao Ye could never come back even if she did.

Xia Qingyi only managed to buy an air ticket back to S City at around nine P.M. She was sitting in the airport lounge and staring at the ticket in her hands as though in a daze when Mo Han called.

“Where are you now? Are you just leaving the airport? Do you want me to come and pick you up?” Mo Han thought that she had already arrived in S City.

Xia Qingyi’s voice was a little hoarse from crying, and she said softly, “I’m… still not at S City yet, I’m at the airport over here, going to board the plane soon.”

Mo Han was stunned for a moment, and gradually slowed down the speed of his car. “Did something happen?”

Xia Qingyi was quiet for a long time before she spoke. “Yeah, something small happened. I can’t explain it clearly over the phone, I’ll tell you everything after I come back.”

She did not want to hide it from Mo Han, he had the right to know about her past. She could not guarantee that Mo Han would still choose to stay together with her after he heard about her past, since her past self was very different from her current self after all.

“What time will the plane land?”

“Around two hours later.”

“I’ll go to the airport to pick you up,” Mo Han said.

“There’s no need to, it’s too late. Go and sleep first, I’ll just take a taxi from the airport when I reach.”

“I’ll come and pick you up,” Mo Han repeated.

Xia Qingyi sighed. “Come if you want to, I’ll message you the exact timing later.”

She heard the announcement from the airport broadcast. “Ladies and gentlemen, China Airlines KF1098 heading to S City is open for boarding, please head towards the boarding gates.”

She spoke to Mo Han, “I’m going to board, I’ll call you when I reach S City.”

The journey was faster than she thought. She was probably tired out from everything. She leaned back on the seat and took a short nap, and when she woke the plane was about to reach S City.

It was already midnight when she reached the airport. Unlike the other passengers around her, she did not have much luggage, and was only carrying a bag on her back, making her appear out of place. She only walked a few steps out of the exit before she saw Mo Han waiting for her at one side.

Xia Qingyi saw that Mo Han was smiling. He waved at her, and seeing that she was looking at him, he started walking towards her. At that moment, Xia Qingyi felt like crying.

“Why are you so late? The plane was late?” Mo Han asked.

Xia Qingyi smiled a little. “Probably, I didn’t take much notice. I slept on the plane.”

Mo Han patted her head as he walked alongside her. “Tired?”

She nodded her head and followed Mo Han outside.

Mo Han did not ask why she had suddenly gone to A City, nor did he ask her about the things she said on the phone, and only gently asked about some trivial matters. She knew that he was actually waiting for the moment she decided to tell him herself.

If she did not want to, he would never ask her about it.

The night air was rather cooling. They had just left the airport and Xia Qingyi already started to feel cold. She coughed, and Mo Han put his hands around her shoulders, rubbing her arms with his warm hands, asking “Cold?”

“A little,” Xia Qingyi only just finished speaking when Mo Han took off his coat and draped it over her body. He helped her zip it up and did not say a word.

Xia Qingyi smiled and patted his head as he crouched down. “Aren’t you cold?”

Mo Han straightened his body to look at her after he zipped the coat, cupped her face with both of his hands and gently kissed her lips before he said, “Not cold anymore.”

Xia Qingyi smiled again, and Mo Han pulled her hand and walked towards his car. He did not let go of her hand even in the car, he seemed to be used to it. He would look forward and drive the car, his right hand holding onto hers, occasionally playing with her thumb.

“It’s not safe when you’re driving, let go,” Xia Qingyi shook their entwined hands.

Mo Han still continued to drive expertly with his left hand, not replying to her.

Xia Qingyi shook her head and gave up, continuing to hold onto his hand. She leaned a little closer to him, and smiled as she stared at his side profile for a long time.

“What are you looking at me for?” Mo Han’s eyes remained looking forward as he drove.

“I missed you,” Xia Qingyi said softly.