Chapter 93

Jun's eyes wavered like reeds bending in the wind.

At a single question from Gyeol, a look of immediate anguish spread across his face.

The sight of it made something hot surge up inside him.

“Don't make that face. Think about what you've done. What the hell is this? If you'd used your brain for even a second—if a bastard like you had even a shred of conscience—you never should've done this to me. At the very least, you shouldn't have come all the way here and kept doing it.”

Getting the first words out had been the hardest part.

Once the dam broke, however, the sharp words poured out mercilessly.

A faint sheen of moisture gathered in Jun's eyes as he looked at Gyeol.

The moment Gyeol noticed it, he warned him in disgust.

“And don't you dare cry in front of me. You don't have the right, you bastard.”

Jun pressed his lips together tightly.

He slowly tilted his head before giving a firm nod.

After rubbing hard at the space between his brows, he finally spoke in a trembling voice.

Even after being warned not to cry, tears had already gathered at the corners of his eyes.

“...Everything you're saying is true. I don't have a single excuse. I'm really sorry.”

“A guy who knows he's sorry does this? How many times did I turn you down as gently as I could? I don't care whether you protect your image or not, but are you and I in the same position? Maybe you've built up a mountain of success, but I haven't. Fuck, I don't even want to blame you. It's just that unlike you, I—”

His voice cracked.

“You know. I failed. I crashed and burned. That's why I came here. To grab one chance.”

The words spilled out like floodwater.

Frustrated beyond endurance, Gyeol pounded his chest once before turning sharply toward the river.

“You asshole.”

He had spoken so quickly he was out of breath.

Normally, Gyeol rarely lost his temper.

Now his head throbbed and spun.

Staring at the rippling river water, he forced himself to breathe slowly.

Jun remained beside him, silent, his head bowed like a criminal awaiting judgment.

Eventually, he spoke haltingly.

“...When I said I never forgot you, it was true.”

“Cut the bullshit.”

“It is true. For all eight years, I kept thinking about you. I missed you.”

“You really...!”

Gritting his teeth, Gyeol whirled around—

And froze.

Tears were running down Jun's face.

He had warned him so boldly not to cry.

But actually seeing Jun crying left him speechless.

A hundred accusations swirled inside his mouth, yet somehow none of them came out.

Frustration tightening his chest, Gyeol clenched and unclenched his fists before letting out a curse.

“Fuck...! God...”

Sweeping back the hair plastered to his forehead by the humid air, Gyeol bent down and crouched near the riverbank.

The water lapping at the shore suddenly felt much closer.

He had thought venting everything would make him feel better.

Instead, he felt even more suffocated.

He was furious enough to explode, yet there was nowhere for that anger to go.

It felt like swallowing an entire sweet potato whole and having it lodged in his chest.

“Are you going to keep your mouth shut? I told you. This is your last chance. After today, I'm never having anything to do with you again. Get your head on straight, Jun Shin.”

“...Gyeol.”

“Don't say my name like that. If you don't have anything to say—”

“I love you.”

“...Ha.”

“I love you, Gyeol. I really do.”

Drip.

A tear fell beside Gyeol's feet.

It left a dark stain on the gray concrete.

For a moment, he wanted to drive his fist straight into Jun's face.

Then, just as suddenly, exhaustion washed over him.

The will to fight vanished.

Letting out a long breath, Gyeol muttered,

“Fine. Keep saying whatever you want.”

He pushed himself to his feet.

He couldn't look at him anymore.

Turning toward the stairs, he started to leave.

Jun grabbed his wrist from behind.

His hand was shaking violently.

“...I'm really sorry. For not contacting you even once in eight years. I'm so sorry I don't even have the right to say the words to you.”

“Let go.”

Gyeol jerked his arm hard.

Jun's grip slipped free.

Then, like a drowning man grasping for a final lifeline, he grabbed him again.

This time not his wrist.

His hand.

“Don't go. Please. Don't go. Just listen to me once... You know I can't do anything when you're angry.”

There wasn't a single lie in those words.

The fearless, easygoing Jun Shin had always been helpless in front of Gyeol.

He watched every shift in Gyeol's emotions.

Every rise and fall of his moods.

Every subtle change.

And when Gyeol was truly angry, things became even worse.

Once, after declaring that he didn't even want to look at Jun's face, Gyeol had locked himself in his room.

Jun spent the entire day outside the door.

Late that night, when Gyeol finally opened it and asked if he'd lost his mind, Jun had burst into tears while apologizing.

Anyone, no matter how stupid, would have understood after seeing that.

That Gyeol was Jun's entire world.

That his very existence had become something Jun believed in.

Something he prayed to.

That was why the betrayal hurt so much more.

It felt like witnessing an eternal truth vanish without warning.

Gyeol swallowed the churning anger inside him.

Pressing his bandaged hand against his burning forehead, he spoke.

“...Fine. I'll calm down. Let go.”

Reluctantly, Jun released his hand.

The moment the confrontation eased, all the strength drained from Gyeol's body.

He sat down on the nearest set of steps.

The air along the river was as sticky and oppressive as the relationship between them.

Seated beside him, Jun slowly began to talk.

He told him how Ronas Entertainment had approached him around the time SAVE ME faced its first major crisis.

How, when Choi Yoonsoo's pregnancy scandal destroyed even their comeback plans, his mother secretly signed a contract behind his back.

How Ronas had personally brought him photographs.

Photographs of the two of them.

Gyeol's face clearly visible.

How he had agreed to leave SAVE ME in exchange for keeping their relationship secret.

As Gyeol listened, his eyes widened at the mention of Jun's mother signing the contract.

When he heard that photographs existed, all color drained from his face.

“...You don't have to worry about the photos or the files. I took care of them.”

Gyeol's head spun.

Took care of them?

How?

“That's not the point, Jun Shin. Do you still not understand what the problem is?”

Jun fell silent.

His lips parted slightly.

Gyeol felt like his blood was turning to ice.

“How could you keep something like that from me all this time? You should've told me. You idiot. Why did you carry all of it by yourself? It wasn't even something you could've handled alone in the first place. It was my problem too!”

Horror spread across Jun's face.

“Why do you think you had the right to carry all of that by yourself? Because it was for me? A guy who claims he's doing something for me disappears and breaks up with me at the same time?”

“...I don't think I was in my right mind. I wasn't thinking properly. I convinced myself I could handle it alone. That I had to. Like an idiot, I did everything they told me to do.”

“And you knew that was wrong?”

“At the time, I didn't. I couldn't imagine there was another way. I was stupid. I really was.”

Gyeol fell silent.

Even while thinking you fucking idiot, he forced himself to calm down and tried to understand the boy Jun had been back then.

Not for Jun's sake.

For his own.

Because after surviving all those years and finally learning the truth, he didn't want to be swept away by shock and regret his reaction later.

Yes.

Back then, both of them had been young.

How many choices could minors truly have?

How broad could their perspective possibly have been?

Jun's family life had been just as broken as his own.

It wasn't only their bodies that had starved.

Looking back, what had been most devastated were their hearts and minds.

At an age when they should have been protected, they were thrown mercilessly into the world.

Adults handed them dreams irresponsibly, and they chased those dreams believing they were hope.

What awaited them instead was reality.

Cruel and indifferent.

Misfortune piled upon misfortune.

At the time, Gyeol had thought Jun was holding up better than anyone else.

But if that had truly been the case...

He wouldn't have disappeared the way he did.

Weakly.

Foolishly.

It wasn't sympathy Gyeol felt.

“...I understand that °• N 𝑜 v 𝑒 l i g h t •° you thought you were protecting me. I understand that it must've been hard for you too. I'll accept that.”

His voice lowered.

“But you were stupid. Not now. Back then. You should've told me everything.”

The betrayal felt by the younger version of himself still had nowhere to go.

“Even if it looked hopeless, you should've told me. We should've worried about it together. Now I've become...”

Regret escaped with the words.

“Someone who let you carry that burden alone.”

Jun looked genuinely shocked.

“No. It's not like that. Why would you—”

“It doesn't matter what you think.”

“...”

“That's how I feel, Jun Shin.”

“...”

“That's how I feel, Jun.”

Silence fell.

Somewhere nearby, water gurgled and splashed against the riverbank.

Gyeol stared down at Jun, who sat with his head bowed.

“Eight years. Almost ten.”

His voice was calm now.

“I don't want to compare our suffering. I don't want to decide whose pain was greater.”

“Gyeol, I really—”

“Stop apologizing.”

Jun fell silent.

“I don't want your apology anymore.”

“...”

“Why didn't you contact me even once in eight years?”