Chapter 38

People say everyone gets at least one moment in life when they shine so brightly it hurts to look.

For Jun Shin, that time was then.

Seventeen years old. Their debut confirmed. Secretly dating Gyeol.

No one ordered them to, but Jun and Gyeol were always the first to arrive at the practice room and the last to leave the LM building. They practiced dancing until strength left their fingers and toes. They sang until their voices were nearly gone.

Whenever they found themselves alone, they kissed.

At first, just the touch of lips had felt electric, sharp enough to strike through him like lightning. But little by little, Jun began wanting more.

The heat of Gyeol’s body pressed close.

Their hands locked tightly together.

The soft, tender inside of Gyeol’s mouth.

Whenever they kissed, a sweet scent rose from Gyeol. The Omega pheromones filling Jun’s mouth were as sugary as biting into the flesh of freshly picked strawberries.

Back then, he was always thirsty.

No matter how much he drank in Gyeol’s pheromones, it was never enough.

The pale line of Gyeol’s neck exposed whenever he curled up around his knees. The bright focus in his eyes when he concentrated. His red lips parting softly when he sang.

Every small thing about Gyeol stirred Jun Shin.

“Wait. What are you doing? Not here.”

“Just a little. Please?”

“Jun Shin, seriously... mm.”

Gyeol was weak to Jun Shin. Even when he said no a few times, if Jun pushed, he eventually gave in as though he couldn’t help it.

That gave Jun a strange, dizzying thrill.

They were always together. After they were placed in the debut lineup, they began using the same dorm, which naturally made the time they spent together even longer.

Because of the difference between Alpha and Omega, they couldn’t openly share a room. But they could still fall asleep side by side on the living room couch, leaning against each other. They could still lie facedown together on one bed in a room shared with another member, pretending to review choreography or go over lesson notes, whispering until sleep took them.

“Seriously, stop clinging to each other. At this point, just date.”

“Wait, weren’t they already dating?”

The other members often snickered over them.

“They’re practicing business gay performance.”

“Are you insane? What era is this? That’s hilarious.”

They joked about it all the time, but no one took it seriously. After all, ever since Jun Shin had joined LM as a trainee, it had been common knowledge that he and Gyeol stuck together like shadows.

Jun loved Gyeol’s warmth and scent.

He loved falling asleep with his nose buried in Gyeol’s soft hair.

When they slept together, even dreams did not come.

Those nights were unbearably peaceful.

One day, Gyeol kept shifting restlessly in Jun’s arms, unable to fall asleep. Then he spoke.

“Do you know something?”

“...What?”

Jun forced back the sleep creeping over him and answered.

“...The things the others say about my brother. Almost all of it is true.”

Sleep vanished at once.

Unlike his gentle face, Gyeol had a firm, guarded core. He rarely talked about himself.

“You remember when I went home and disappeared for a few days? The truth is, back then, I was going to quit everything. I found out my brother had taken out private loans.”

“......”

The image of Gyeol sitting on the swing in the snow, gaunt and hollow-faced, flashed through Jun’s mind.

His back teeth clenched so hard the muscles in his jaw stood out.

“...His boyfriend told him he needed money, apparently. And then my brother came back without getting a single cent returned, beaten until his face was bruised blue. He kept crying, and I felt so sick I thought I’d throw up. He said maybe we should just die if this was how things were going to be...”

Jun silently tightened his arms around Gyeol.

Gyeol’s voice trailed off.

Then he lifted his eyes.

“...Are you crying?”

“......”

“I didn’t tell you so you’d cry... Jun Shin, you really cry too easily.”

Jun knew it was pathetic.

He didn’t want to cry.

But the tears came anyway.

Emotions too large for his immature mind to hold tore through him.

Gyeol was pitiful.

Gyeol broke his heart.

The helplessness of knowing he had no power to protect him made Jun unable to stop crying.

“It feels like you’re crying for me.”

Gyeol smiled and wiped his tears away.

“...Don’t die.”

“Okay. I won’t.”

“Why would you say something like that? Why would you die?”

His voice shook uncontrollably. Even as Gyeol wiped his tears, his vision kept blurring.

“I decided not to. Because of you.”

“......”

“You held on to me that day.”

Gyeol did not explain, but Jun understood from the context.

That snowy day.

The day their debut was confirmed.

You looked like you might disappear at any second.

So you had come to say goodbye to me.

“We have to debut together.”

“...Yeah. We have to debut.”

“So stop crying. I’m here.”

“...Okay.”

By the time Jun stopped crying, he told Gyeol about his own past too. Compared to Gyeol’s, it felt like nothing, but it was a kind of rite of passage.

Back then, they believed that if they emptied out every hidden part of the past before each other, they would be able to move toward a happy future.

They believed that showing each other everything and being honest would be enough to guarantee that future.

The other side of Gyeol, who always looked upright and strong.

The hidden softness no one else knew.

The many Gyeols only Jun Shin knew.

Jun Shin liked Gyeol Go.

Gyeol Go liked Jun Shin too.

They would debut together.

And they would be together forever.

***

That childish certainty turned into arrogance.

As soon as they debuted, one of the members was indicted on drug charges.

A major entertainment company’s response was precise and swift. The member was removed immediately, and an apology statement was posted.

The plan was to resume activities after a careful period of self-reflection. As if mocking even that, the main title track was soon hit with accusations of plagiarism.

SAVE ME stumbled and fell before it had even begun properly.

“It’s not over. We’ll bring in a new member and keep going. SAVE ME’s real start is the comeback. Got it? The CEO said he’s not letting go of you.”

Moved by the CEO’s generosity, they worked even harder. Terrified of failing twice, they cut into their sleep and threw themselves into practice.

It was useless.

“Yoonsoo... got someone pregnant.”

Even the comeback failed miserably.

SAVE ME became better known not by its name, but as “that failed idol group that causes a scandal every time they release an album.”

Even then, Jun Shin never intended to leave Gyeol.

If SAVE ME was a sinking ship, he was ready to sink all the way to the deep sea with Gyeol.

“Your mother has already signed the contract. All that’s left is for you to make up your mind, Jun.”

Then his mother stabbed him in the back.

Ronas Entertainment, a rival company strong enough to stand shoulder to shoulder with LM, had taken advantage of the opening and offered Jun Shin a transfer. They said the leader position in their new boy group debut lineup was vacant, and Jun was the perfect fit. They promised to pay his penalty fee and offered a large signing bonus as well.

“I’m not going. I already told you. I’m staying with LM, and I’m not leaving SAVE ME.”

His mother, blinded by money without even considering his wishes, made him sick.

Ever since SAVE ME’s debut failed, she had been hounding Jun without rest.

So many agencies wanted to take him, so why was he being so foolish?

Shouldn’t he at least try to survive?

Would he only come to his senses after watching his mother die?

He was sick of all of it.

He hadn’t wanted to deal with her saying everything was for his sake, so he had blocked her number for a while. He had never imagined she would do something like this in the meantime.

“Don’t waste your time. And don’t come looking for me again. If you do, I’ll speak to my agency’s CEO and have action taken.”

Jun stated his refusal firmly and stood.

As soon as he left, he needed to contact his mother.

This time, he would not lose.

Jun Shin’s birthday was approaching soon. In just a few months, he would be fully of age.

He had endured enough.

He had no intention of letting his mother swing his life around any longer. The time he had spent with Gyeol had made him grow up, made him stronger, and pushed him toward independence.

Even if it meant cutting his mother off completely, Jun Shin decided he would walk his own path.

“Jun, you’re more hot-tempered than I expected. You should fix that before debut.”

“What?”

“Sit down. We’re not done talking.”

Jun looked down silently at the Ronas manager trying to force the issue.

His attitude made no sense.

The manager pulled a thin file from his briefcase and set it on the table.

Inside the file were photographs.

Photographs of Gyeol Go and Jun Shin kissing.

Jun’s eyes flew wide.

His lips trembled.

Sweat gathered inside his clenched fists.

“I’ll tell you in advance. It doesn’t end with a few photos.”

The manager took the photographs out of the file.

Even at a glance, there were well over ten.

All ten had been taken in different places, from different angles. Each one was unmistakable proof that the people in them were Jun Shin and Gyeol Go.

“There’s video too.”

He tapped at his phone and placed it on the table.

The video began to play slowly.

It had been filmed in a park.

The two of them walked side by side, glanced around, then held hands. They pulled down their masks and kissed.

The ending was captured in a clean, high-definition close-up. After a long kiss, Jun Shin and Gyeol parted their lips.

Seeing ordinary moments that had belonged to their daily lives through the eyes of a third party felt violently unreal.

“You’re smart. You know what this means, don’t you, Jun?”

The manager, now completely in control, continued in a voice full of false pity.

“LM Entertainment’s ambitious boy group, SAVE ME. The whole thing is already falling apart, and two of its core members were fooling around behind the scenes? How do you think fans will see that? How do you think LM will see it? How do you think the entertainment industry will see it?”

That was why Jun Shin could never explain himself to Gyeol.

“You’re an Alpha, so with enough time, it’ll probably get buried somehow. You could keep working as a celebrity one way or another. But Gyeol is an Omega, isn’t he? That’s different.”

Protecting Gyeol had been Jun’s responsibility.

“I looked into it, and there seems to be a fair amount of debt under Gyeol’s name too...”

But he could no longer protect him.

“If this gets released and LM’s penalty fee gets added on top, what do you think will happen to Gyeol’s life?”

Jun Shin imagined countless possibilities.

If I hadn’t kissed you in that park.

If I hadn’t held your hand.

If we hadn’t debuted in the same group.

If I had never appeared in your life.

If I had never...

loved you.

My Gyeol

If you’re gone, we’re finished.

Please come back.

Would you have been happier without me?

How could you do this to me?

For the past eight years, Jun Shin had not forgotten Gyeol Go for even a single day.