Chapter 139

Pretending not to notice the heat gradually reaching even the rims of his eyes, Gyeol forced strength into them.

Sun’s face was as calm as ever, to the point of seeming blunt. Gyeol did not know whether he was allowed to receive Sun’s sea-like generosity even in this moment, but Sun willingly looked at him with lenient eyes. Lifting the corners of his mouth slightly in a smile, he said,

“It may not seem like it because all I’ve done is sports, but my head works better than people expect.”

Sun pointed at his own head with his index finger.

“Swimming, you see, is not a sport you can do with your body alone as much as people think.”

It seemed like he was joking to lighten the mood and make Gyeol feel more at ease.

“...You look smart even at a glance.”

At those words, Sun laughed softly. Gyeol tried to smile along, but he simply could not. All he could do was tense his throat, open his eyes wide, and hold back the tears rising in them.

“You and I have successfully matched once before in the pheromone matching, haven’t we? Thanks to that, we also spent time together in the booth. So now we’ve come to know each other’s pheromones perfectly.”

“......”

“There’s no way I would forget your pheromones, Gyeol.”

He wanted to hold it back, but in the end, tears welled up. The area around Gyeol’s eyes slowly crumpled. He lowered his gaze.

Get it together, Gyeol Go. This isn’t your place to cry. Don’t act like the victim. Don’t act weak.

“So pheromone matching could be a kind of answer too, in its own way.”

But no matter how much he admonished himself, it was useless. Tears dropped, pattering onto the ground and drawing round marks there.

Sun stopped speaking and rummaged through his pocket, then held out a handkerchief. Gyeol hesitated before taking it and pressing it to his eyes.

“...I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you cry.”

“No, it’s... not that. You haven’t done... anything wrong, Sun.”

Because of the tears in his voice, the spaces between his sentences opened little by little. Sun hesitated, at a loss for what to do. Gyeol shook his head hard.

“...You can keep talking.”

“Still......”

“Please... tell me. Please......”

“...All right, then.”

After leaving one breath empty, Sun continued.

“To be honest, at first, you caught my eye because of your appearance. The next time was during the Omega team event, when you gave up first place and ran to Isu Yoon. Some people might ask why anyone would go that far over a mere variety-show game... but rather, isn’t this kind of program, where many people gather and eat and sleep together for a certain period of time, exactly the kind of place where you can look back at the people behind you? Whatever your purpose is, during that time, they are people you are living with. Living while keeping at least enough room to look back at one another—that is the kind of life I want.”

Because the sea was not far away, blue showed faintly in the distance through the gaps between the trees. Sun cast his gaze in that direction.

“One day, while I was training, I had that thought. A life where I had to move forward faster than anyone and come in first. To do that, I had to keep passing someone, endlessly, without stopping... and something I had been doing without any doubt suddenly felt strange. A life of passing someone, and passing them, and passing them again, leaving them behind while moving only forward.”

Gyeol drew in a breath. The tears did not stop, and the handkerchief gradually grew wet.

After pausing as if embarrassed, Sun spoke in a low voice.

“...You may wonder why I’m telling you this. But the sight of you going to Isu comforted the version of me from some day in the past. Seeing someone do what I couldn’t do was more wonderful than I expected.”

Gyeol tried to calm himself, but his breathing only grew more ragged.

“I’m only attaching my own meaning to it, of course. After that, I was lucky enough to have brunch with you... and when we actually talked, I liked you even more.”

In the end, Gyeol gave up on holding back his sobs.

“After that, I thought only of you.”

“......”

“I think I only came to like you more and more.”

“......Hh, hck.”

“I can’t say I never wanted you to accept this feeling after it had grown so large.”

Sun’s voice grew slightly thick. When Gyeol lifted his tear-blurred vision, tears streamed down.

In Sun’s eyes, quiet as always, he could see moisture wavering.

“But the truth is, I know. Perhaps I knew long before I became aware of it. That you think well of me, but the color of that feeling is different from mine.”

Sun carefully reached out and took the handkerchief from Gyeol’s hand. The place his hand went was not his own face, but the area around Gyeol’s eyes.

As he wiped Gyeol’s tears, he did not let his own fall in the end. He only showed him a bitter smile once, the rims of his eyes red.

“Still, I don’t regret it. Every moment I spent with you was enjoyable and made my heart race.”

That seemed to reveal the strength of the person called Sun Choi.

“Don’t cry, Gyeol.”

“......”

Cruelly, the moment Gyeol heard those words, uncontrollable sadness surged over him. With no room left even to argue over whether he had the right, Gyeol’s tears fell in a rush.

“Now I can’t even hold you when you cry, can I?”

“I’m... sorry... Like I’m broken, the tears......”

“No. It wasn’t that I wanted to hear you apologize... Gyeol, you look very good when you smile.”

“......Yes.”

“So I hope you smile a lot from now on, and that you’ll be happy.”

His disobedient facial muscles felt cruel. Because he was sorry, because he was grateful, because he desperately wanted to smile for him, but only tears kept falling.

Sun pressed, pressed, wiping both corners of Gyeol’s eyes, then placed the handkerchief back in his hand and withdrew.

Quite a bit of time had passed. Now it truly was time to say goodbye.

There were many words filling his head. Just as Sun had done, Gyeol could have gone back to the first moment and told him what feelings he had felt for him, what mood he had been in, what he had thought, and what good influence that would have on his life.

But he could tell. Sun had spoken so much so that Gyeol would not lay out those words one by one. That was why someone who was usually not talkative had deliberately set down more words.

Then Gyeol wanted to accept the shape Sun was giving him exactly as it was.

He did not want to become such an ugly person that he distorted Sun’s heart just to relieve his own guilt.

After that, the most important single phrase remained.

Sun, I don’t think I can choose you.

Words far more important and valuable than that.

“...Thank, thank you.”

The words came out stammered, but he chewed carefully through all four syllables.

“Truly, thank you. Sun. From the moment we first met until now... for everything.”

Hearing those words, Sun smiled brightly, his eyes folding completely and his even teeth showing. That smile was whiter and cooler than foam rising on the sea, and it felt as if all the impurities caught inside Gyeol’s heart were being swept away.

*** 𝒻𝑟ℯℯ

[Sun Choi Interview, Day 1]

Why did you choose Gyeol Go for the first-impression vote?

“...At first, you see.”

At first?

“He was walking in front of the blue sea, and he looked white.”

What do you mean, white? His skin? His clothes?

“No, not that.”

Sun’s face slowly flushed.

“I thought... how can a person... smile that white?”

[Sun Choi Interview, Day 2]

Why were you so flustered during the brunch date?

“......”

Sun?

“I h-heard you. It’s not that I didn’t hear.”

Your face has turned very red. Would you like to take a break?

“No. The reason I was flustered. The reason I was flustered......”

Sun rubbed his face dry and mumbled.

“...Because seeing him up close, he was even prettier.”

[Sun Choi Interview, Day 5]

Blood sugar spike.

“......”

Are you still having a blood sugar spike right now?

“...A-Are interviews usually conducted like this? Is this right?”

[Sun Choi Interview, Day 6]

How did you feel when you matched with Gyeol Go in the pheromone matching?

“The moment we matched, I felt so happy it was like my heart sank. But......”

Sun trailed off and lowered his gaze. Another question was thrown at him as he kept silent.

Is something bothering you?

“It bothers me that he cried so much. All I could do for him was hold him so he could hide his crying face......”

You must have been a great comfort to Gyeol Go.

“I hope so.”

What are you thinking right now?

“...I think I rather like Gyeol’s smiling face. That was what I was thinking.”

[Sun Choi Interview, Day 8, the day after the Ivory Mansion date]

How do you feel after returning from the Ivory Mansion date?

“I regret it greatly.”

The date?

At the question, Sun shook his head.

“Of course not. I was truly glad to go on an Ivory Mansion date with Gyeol. The only thing I regret is my own behavior.”

What behavior do you regret?

“...I should have waited for Gyeol. But my heart grew rushed and anxious, and I ended up...”

A sigh hung from the end of his words. The slight frown on his face vanished without a trace after his large hand passed over his face once.

“...What can I do? The water is already spilled, and it was a mistake I made. I only hope it does not become too great a burden on Gyeol.”

Gyeol Go’s reaction did not seem all that bad, though?

“Gyeol did his best for me. He also promised that once his heart was decided, he would tell me quickly. It is simply my problem. The problem is that, unlike myself, I lost reason and pressured Gyeol.”

What do you plan to do from now on?

“I plan to wait silently until Gyeol makes up his mind.”

Is there any possibility that your feelings might change?

“No.”

[Sun Choi Interview, Day 9]

Fried mud crab flirting.

“......Pardon?”

Sun’s eyes shook violently. The production staff’s laughter played underneath the audio.

That was unprecedented fried mud crab flirting. It seems like it will become a topic.

“......”

Sun looked at the camera with a rare, wronged expression.

What did it mean when you said you should go out and eat fried mud crabs?

“I am often truly amazed.”

?

“At how sharply you pinpoint things like this......”

Again, the production staff’s laughter played underneath.

As if he had made up his mind about something, Sun looked straight into the camera and smiled brightly.

“I’ve begun to want a future with Gyeol.”