Chapter 126

Something along one side of the back of his head tightened painfully.

Watching Yo Han’s lips part before he had even managed to organize his thoughts, Gyeol could not help tensing.

“Try seeing me once we’re out.”

“.......”

His mind went blank.

It emptied out into white.

On the surface, it sounded far more innocuous than the first two choices.

But the phrase seeing someone could mean any number of things.

He needed to make sure he understood Yo Han’s true intent.

Gyeol gave his head a slight shake to clear it, then asked Yo Han,

“By seeing you, you mean...”

“Are you asking because you don’t know, or are you pretending not to know?”

Because I don’t know.

I’m asking because I genuinely can’t tell.

To Gyeol, Yo Han Sung’s entire existence was made up of question marks.

Seeing Gyeol lightly bite his lower lip, Yo Han gave a small nod as though he understood and reached out.

He closed his large hand around Gyeol’s chin, which fit neatly inside his palm, and brushed his thumb over Gyeol’s lower lip.

Then he gently pressed it down.

Gyeol felt the surface of his lip scrape against his teeth.

“We’re already eating and drinking together right here, Gyeol.”

“.......”

“I’m not saying I just want us to hang out as [N O V E L I G H T] friends once we’re out.”

Gyeol stared at Yo Han’s face, from which every trace of amusement had completely vanished.

It was a composed, almost flat expression.

A look Gyeol had never found anywhere in the works he had watched dozens of times.

Quiet as though submerged in shadow, subdued enough to seem almost wistful.

A face marked by such desperate sincerity that merely looking at it seemed to tighten a person’s throat.

A face no one would ever have imagined they might find on Yo Han Sung.

“Before that, there’s something I need to say first.”

The cameras zoomed in, filling the frame with both their faces.

“I’m sorry.”

They cut back and forth between Yo Han’s faintly trembling eyes and Gyeol, who had gone utterly still with his eyes wide open.

“...I’m so sorry.”

Gyeol’s eyes slowly narrowed.

Even half-lidded, his large eyes seemed to glitter.

Then tears quickly gathered and trembled there.

“What are you talking about......”

The words struggled past Gyeol’s lips, only to dissolve before he could finish, his voice thick and choked.

Yo Han’s hand slid up Gyeol’s cheek, and his thumb carefully wiped away the tear caught at the corner of his eye.

“You and I both know.”

“.......”

“I’m not trying to make up for everything with this one word.”

“.......”

“I’m not asking you to accept it right now or to forgive me. I just thought I had to say it before it was too late. I thought this had to come before anything else.”

“.......”

“The truth is, I’ve been thinking about it all day.”

“.......”

“...I was afraid I might wait too long.”

“...You feel things like that too?”

“......I think I do.”

“.......”

“...Whenever I’m with you, I feel like I stop being myself. Things I never cared about start bothering me. Things that meant nothing become special. In a life where I was never afraid of anything, the number of things that scare me keeps growing.”

“.......”

“The truth is, I’m scared even now.”

“......You’re cruel.”

“......Yeah.”

“...You really are cruel.”

“......Yeah.”

“.......”

“And yet, I......”

“.......”

“I have no right, but I...”

“...Stop.”

“I want you.”

“.......”

“I want to have you.”

“.......”

“I want you to keep seeing me even after the show ends.”

“Wait......”

“I like you, Gyeol.”

Is he not thinking about what happens after this?

What is he going to do?

I’ve got nothing left to lose now that I’ve come this far, but that isn’t true for you.

There are countless things you could lose completely.

Countless thoughts packed Gyeol’s mind until not a single sliver of empty space remained.

Then something inside him reached its limit and gave way.

A tidal wave of emotion poured out helplessly.

Without even a moment to judge exactly what he was feeling, what emotion had seized him, or what he was thinking, Gyeol burst into tears.

He buried his face in both hands and tried to suppress the breaths swelling and collapsing inside him.

Even so, sob after sob escaped without pause.

Everything inside him melted down into a heavy flood and poured out.

I don’t know why I feel comforted.

I don’t know why every word from someone I want to believe is lying, someone I want to believe is merely acting, feels completely sincere.

Yo Han silently wrapped his arms around the weeping Gyeol’s shoulders.

Gyeol did not push him away and allowed himself to be drawn into his embrace.

The hands stroking his back and hair were painfully careful.

They were so careful, so cautious, as though he were not merely precious but something that might shatter at any moment, that Gyeol’s chest hurt even more.

It was driving him insane.

He wished Yo Han would not do this.

It almost seemed better when Yo Han had treated him badly, despised him, and degraded him.

If he does this, I’ll have nowhere left to go.

I can’t run from someone who comes at me with sincerity.

You know Yuli exists.

You know I will never give him up.

And yet this man was saying it was all right.

Instead, he was confessing that what frightened him was Gyeol turning away.

The doubts he had not managed to cast off and the countless question marks still consumed his heart.

Even so, Yo Han’s embrace was warm.

Far too warm.

And in the arms that seemed intent on melting him all the way down to his toes, Gyeol cried for a long time.

***

It was already well past midnight when they returned to the island.

Ordinarily, they would have conducted an interview as soon as they arrived, then gone to cast their interest votes, but Yo Han persuaded the production staff to postpone the interview because of how late it was.

Thanks to him, Gyeol avoided the disaster of standing in front of the interview camera with his eyes swollen nearly shut.

“You worked hard today. Sleep well, and I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“...Thank you for today. Good night.”

The formality had returned to Gyeol’s voice.

Yo Han looked as though he wanted to say something about it, but he did not stop him.

Following the production staff’s directions, Gyeol climbed the hill alone to cast his interest vote.

He had not answered which of the three wishes he would grant.

No—he had been unable to answer.

His tears had refused to stop.

Because the production staff did not understand the circumstances leading up to it, they chose to wait for the situation to calm down rather than intervening recklessly.

But with the helicopter schedule, they could not delay indefinitely.

In the end, they cautiously knocked on the door of the VIP room.

Had it been any of the other contestants, the production staff would probably have pressed them, asking what the two of them planned to do and insisting that they needed footage of Gyeol choosing a wish.

But Yo Han had drawn the line first, saying they should stop there for the day and return to the island.

The staff, who had treated him cautiously from beginning to end, could not bring themselves to push for more.

As Gyeol started up the hill, he thought he heard the youngest writer mention the “wish” while saying something to Yo Han.

But Gyeol did not have the capacity to care about that right now.

Part of him trusted that Yo Han would handle it himself.

What a ridiculous thought.

Trusting Yo Han Sung, of all people.

When he finally reached the mailboxes, Gyeol looked down at the card in his hand.

Nothing was written on it.

Thank you.

I had fun.

Good night.

He had not written any of those ordinary greetings or even drawn a simple smiling face.

A clean blank.

Empty space with nothing in it.

By all calculations, he should have placed the card in Yo Han’s mailbox.

Yo Han was the person who had used the Golden Date Card for him and spent the entire day with him.

Placing a card in the mailbox of the person you had gone on a private date with was practically an unspoken rule of dating shows.

But Gyeol did not put the card in Yo Han’s mailbox.

He merely stood there staring at it.

Eventually, he moved.

And the mailbox he slipped the card into belonged to none other than—

Gyeol Go.

The mailbox bearing his own name.

***

Day 11 on Pheromone Island.

The morning schedule will now begin. When your name is called, please proceed to the mailboxes in order and check the feelings that arrived for you last night.

“You’re okay, right?”

Isu Yoon, who had gotten up first and finished preparing, studied Gyeol carefully.

He seemed worried by how visibly haggard Gyeol had become in a single day.

“I’m fine.”

Omega Isu Yoon, please check your mailbox.

“Ah, talk about timing......”

“I said I’m fine, so go on. I need to finish getting ready before they call my name too.”

“Okay. I’ll go first, then. See you in the lounge later.”

Isu looked back one last time and waved before leaving the lodging.

The interest-card check, which normally took place every night before bed, had been moved to the morning.

Apparently, the schedule had been changed because Gyeol and Yo Han had returned late the night before, delaying the card delivery.

Gyeol went into the bathroom and examined his face.

The face in the mirror was really something.

He had not skipped food the day before, yet his face was pale and his skin looked dry and rough.

“Haah......”

With a sigh, Gyeol turned on his phone before doing anything else.

Even though he was pressed for time, he wanted to check on Yuli.

When he had checked the night before, Hyesung had sent him photographs of Yuli eating with his arms full of candy and snacks.

Yuli’s bright face had the power to make even someone who was sad smile.

And so Gyeol had cried again.

If you cry and then laugh, you’ll grow hair on your butt.

Remembering Yuli’s cheerful chatter made a small laugh slip out of him.

He had no idea what he was doing, crying and laughing like this.

The phone screen lit up.

Hyesung Bae

He’s so excited he’s practically flying..

There were these bear-shaped chocolate cookies among the snacks he bought him, and I guess he liked them.

He ate them all and started whining for more, so I had no choice but to take him to the grocery store..

Now he’s making a huge fuss about how much fun the trip to the store was and demanding that we go again..

Discharge probably isn’t far off..

The breath caught inside Gyeol released all at once when he saw the photograph of Yuli grinning from ear to ear.

The color had noticeably returned to the child’s face.

“What a relief......”

Gyeol rested his forehead against the phone and took several slow breaths.

His emotions were tangled, his thoughts were a mess, and nothing had been sorted out.

But what could he do?

Only five days of filming remained now.

I have to keep going until the very end.

Gyeol tapped his thumb against Yuli’s rosy cheek in the photograph and took several more deep breaths.

He wanted to protect that smile.

Whatever anyone else said, that came first for him.

Gyeol had little energy and not much time, so he prepared simply.

Do I look like I didn’t even try......?

He had not had the energy to style his hair and had merely combed it neatly, which bothered him a little.

Thinking he should make at least some effort with his appearance, he pushed himself back up from the sofa he had only just sat down on.

Then the announcement rang through the lodging.

Omega Gyeol Go, please check your mailbox.