Chapter 546: Looking to the Future

Irene thought that she would be fine, but as she began going through her family’s precious belongings, it occurred to her that the last time she was there, both her grandmother and father were still alive. After a certain point, she was just moving to move, but her eyes were so blurry she could hardly see anything with much detail.

Eventually, she sank down to her knees and pulled at a knit blanket in the same pattern as one at her grandmother’s house. She pulled it to her face in hopes that there would be even the faintest smell of familiarity.

There was not. Her hands were shaking as she resisted the urge to cry.

If she were back at the Duke’s Tower or her family home, she would certainly have tried to escape by going outside and running these feelings off. Even swinging her sword or riding on horseback could assuage the bad feelings of grief.

This was one aspect of herself that she didn’t like. It was against Sunstoian nature to fear death and mourn so bitterly. She was supposed to welcome the afterlife with open arms and be envious of those who had made it there already.

Since there was silence for a while and the food needed to cook a bit more, Henry covered it with a pot lid and turned to find his wife.

He decided to approach her gently when he saw what she was doing.

"It must be difficult for you to be here," he realized as he sat down beside her.

Irene lifted her head and met her husband’s eyes. She still had the urge to run off until he opened his arms to her and she fell into him.

"They’re so close, but I can’t reach them," she whispered as she nestled into him, one hand holding the knit blanket and the other hugging him.

"They’re only gone if you stop talking about them," he reminded her as one of his hands went up to her hair so he could gently run his fingers over the braid she had tied earlier that day. "And then when we’re both old and grey and have lived long lives together, they will welcome you with open arms."

That caused Irene to smile, even if it was small and a bit sad, as she pulled away to look up at him.

"We have a long life to live yet," she responded. "I will figure out how to get better at missing people. Just... not you."

At that, she wrapped her arms snugly around his neck, and he returned the hug just as tightly.

"What do you mean by that?" he wondered.

"I’m a knight, so you have to take me with you," she insisted. "I watched my mom miss my dad my entire life, only for him to get sick and die when they were finally able to be together. We will make the trail our home if we have to, just so I can stay at your side."

"Even if you wanted to stop being a knight, I would take you with me," he admitted. "I can’t bear missing you. I don’t trust anyone else to protect you either. That’s why I’m lucky you can protect yourself."

Even if grief didn’t truly ever leave, Irene found herself able to look at it a bit differently so that she wouldn’t be overcome by it. She kissed Henry’s cheek.

"I should organize a bit more," she admitted. "I never was able to look through these things as much as I wanted to. We were in a rush to leave after the wyrm the first time."

"Take your time," Henry insisted.

While Irene went to the shelves to rummage through a few things, Henry attended to their meal and got it into bowls. It was nice to take it slower while they were inside and be able to eat at a table rather than out of a pot.

Irene soon joined Henry, and they slowly ate together.

"I’m going to pretend that this is the feast from the Winter Solstice banquet," Henry admitted.

"Ah, it just occurred to me that you’ll be missing that," Irene realized.

"We will be missing that," he reminded her. "Well, we likely already missed it. I informed Earl Auden that there was something brewing that could wipe Chemois off the map. I never got to read his response, but I imagine he was at least understanding."

"I sure hope so," Irene muttered. "Arne still had to attend as the head of the Litharion household. I wonder if he took mother or dared to go alone. I worry he will be irresponsible with alcohol and make a fool of himself."

Henry smiled. "Have faith in him. He’s determined to fill your father’s shoes, and he’s done a decent job so far. I have letters that prove as much."

"That’s a relief," she responded. "The Litharion name will have to be passed by him."

"Not you?" Henry asked after thoughtfully chewing lentils.

"I have thought about this, admittedly," she confessed. "Our future children will have benefits for being Mattsons rather than Litharions. I ought to give them a head start since it’s available to me."

"Spoken like a true duchess," Henry responded, faintly pleased. "What was once a peasant name with no lineage has become something. My father would be elated."

"You have made a name for yourself that I want to take part in," she reminded him. "I even participated in a war under a name that isn’t my own. I’m not so attached to names."

"Knowing there are houses here with your surname carved into their sides, I think having children with both will have future and past benefits that we don’t yet understand," Henry admitted. "Each child will also have to be registered in the palace since I am a vassal."

Irene nodded slowly as she finished off her bowl of food.

"My desire to stay far from the King has led me so much closer than I could have ever imagined," she joked.

"You married a rebellious duke," Henry joked back. "He knows that I am not so easy to push around anymore."

Irene let out a light laugh. "To anyone except for me, anyway."

Henry stood up abruptly and took the spoon from Irene’s grasp. He set it on the table, then turned to her and lifted her by the waist.

"The power you have over me is unfair," he responded. "Use it wisely, or you will start civil wars."

She laughed when he began tickling her neck with kisses. The mood had shifted considerably.

Since all there was to do indoors was read or love one another, Irene opted for the latter. What needed to be organized of their belongings could happen later.