I Should Have Just Died

Chapter 132

Seidrick came out of the palace and took a cigar with a trembling hand.

It felt like his chest had been ripped open. It took three years for something so easy.

At this moment, the thing that bothered him the most was none other than Alyssa. Failing to do this left her ill, and he turned away from that lonely person for three years.

It was because he couldn’t erase Kendrick’s shadow over Alyssa. Seidrick’s empty heart began to run wild as if the ban had been lifted. Now he can put Alyssa in this little heart. He seemed to have such permission.

Seidrick, with a cigar between his fingers, lit it slowly.

It was terribly slow.

Hot flames lit the end of the cigar. His fingertips trembled, and even the flame of his cigar shook. He took a deep breath and exhaled his smoke slowly. He feels like his heart is warming up. Seidrick’s eyes darkened.

This is the last.

After this, he will not touch the cigar again.

The cigar, which couldn’t be burned and put in his mouth, was the sense of loss Seidrick has towards Kendrick. There was no way to fill it, so he needed something to comfort him. His trembling breath was filled with smoke.

“Cough, cough, cough!”

His lungs were squeezing out the smoke he had been breathing in for the first time in a long time. While clenching his back and coughing, Seidrick stubbornly smoked all of the cigar. Hot tears flowed through the cigar.

He spent quite a long time standing in the corner of the road where no one was looking.

Seidrick looked down at the cigar with only the tip remaining, with a cold gaze. With a face still wet with tears. It was a face full of mixed emotions. He gripped the still hot cigar he had.

He squeezed it against the wall of the royal palace with a rough gesture.

“Damn Avery.”

The black and white ash from the cigar was thickly smeared. Seidrick drew it long and turned around. The by-products of the messed-up cigars flew into the air.

The carriage carrying him set off. It’s like he’ll never look back again.

* * *

Her heart was heavy.

Knowing Alyssa’s heart, the sky began to pour heavy rain. Leaning on the balcony, Alyssa traced the window with her fingertips. The carriage carrying Kendrick’s ashes arrived before Seidrick arrived.

Juliana didn’t mind the pouring rain, and she headed to the Cambridge family cemetery. The workers had already prepared a place for Kendrick, who would return, so all she had to do was ask according to the procedure in time.

Alyssa pulled herself out of her spot.

She felt she shouldn’t have been involved in mourning Kendrick.

She is of the arrogant Avery’s blood and was married simultaneously, so she had to have no other man in her heart. By what qualification did she stand there? Alyssa laughed softly. She pressed her hand against her chest, and her lips trembled. She wanted to disappear as she was, and she would melt into the water and disappear.

Numerous emotions swallowed up Alyssa.

Soon after, a carriage, apparently carrying Seidrick, arrived at Cambridge.

Shaaaa-

“…Seidrick.”

Alyssa slowly recalled his name. A long black umbrella entirely obscured his figure.

“Seidrick.”

Even his name was awkward, so Alyssa repeated it again.

Did he hear her voice?

The long umbrella slowly tilted back, revealing Seidrick’s face. It was far away, and the rain made it hard to tell what was ahead and see his face in detail.

Alyssa’s hand holding the curtain trembled.

Alyssa took a deep breath and closed her eyes.

“Seidrick.”

It was the third time.

Alyssa felt that she had made eye contact with Seidrick. The eyes of melted blue-green. She couldn’t even see his face, but his eyes were clear.

‘What are you thinking?’

She saw Seidrick sticking his hand out of the umbrella.

Even her breath trembled. She backed away as if she was spying on something she shouldn’t have spied on. As she walked out through the balcony curtains, she ruffled her hair as she headed towards the bed.

“Madam!”

“It’s okay.”

Alyssa staggered and sat down on the bed. Even her legs were shaking. Like the rain pouring out of the window, so did her heart. The ripped and torn heart couldn’t stand Alyssa’s.

Guilt.

A sense of debt.

Sadness.

Pain.

And affection.

All those emotions mixed and flooded Alyssa. It felt like she was going to melt and drown in the waves of feeling like this.

Ophelia and Juliana accepted Alyssa into the family.

She knows it must have been a difficult decision. They would have had to partially forgive Avery to embrace Alyssa.

Her throat was as hot as burning.

“Ha……”

“Madam, are you not feeling well? Your face is pale.”

“It’s nothing, Sasha.”

Alyssa shook her head. However, she soon stopped even that.

“Sasha, what should I do….”

“Madam……”

“What should I do, Sasha?”

“What the hell happened to you?”

Sasha burst into tears and hugged her master. It feels like her body is getting smaller and smaller, and her heart burns. No matter how much she fed, Alyssa’s body seemed to disprove her state of mind. As if it was suggesting that she was dying.