Chapter 60: Hans and Rufus Leave To Start A Border Skirmish And Cause A Gay Panic

Standing just by the garrison and main gate, Henrek looked at his two agents.

“I didn’t know Hans had a sister.” Henrek remarked as the disguised Hans and Rufus revealed themselves.

“I-I don’t…” Hans muttered, awkwardly standing in one of Hope’s old dresses.

The dress fit like a glove on Hans' petite figure.

“Your disguise works like a charm! I’d think you were a woman if I didn’t know any better!” Rufus laughed, smacking his good buddy’s back.

“Y-yeah!” Hans laughed, looking at the outfit they’d put Rufus in.

It was a set of casual clothes Adam had left behind, with the man seemingly having left for good now that the goblin population of Monsteria was nil, the squad had decided it was a good fit.

It was a simple green tunic but clearly purchased by a nobleman, and crafted in the far west of Aurora. Tracing Rufus back to Dryholm on sight would hopefully be a tall order for anyone in Burtcons.

“Huh, great job with the makeup Hope,” Henrek remarked, casually placing his arm around Hope as he looked at his two agents in their disguises.

“Thank you, thank you,” Hope replied gratefully.

“Alright one more time, what’s the plan?” Barney requested, appearing from the garrison holding a pair of letters written by Henrek.

“Get searched at the border and have our letters confiscated!” Hans shouted confidently as they got the letters from Barney.

“Uh, yeah what he said.” Rufus added unsurely. Barney shook his head.

“Rufus, you can’t have forgotten already!” Barney tutted, looking at the dim man shrink in embarrassment.

“I’m sorry! My head don’t like to keep things in…” Rufus sighed, tapping the side of his head for emphasis, unintentionally tapping the same spot his mother had dropped him as a baby.

“Look, long as you make sure that letter gets in any lord’s hands, it’ll end up in the right spot.” Henrek said assuringly.

“I-I’ll make sure he remembers!” Hans asserted confidently.

“Thank you,” Henrek sighed, blushing slightly at Hans’ appearance.

“Alright, you two better head off soon, we’ll be preparing here.” Barney said, looking up at the sun and back at the loaded cache of weapons in the garrison.

As soon as May and Utarou figured out how to feed Redlia mana, they’d have all the firepower they could want.

Should everything go according to plan, they had about two weeks until the armies of Burtcons and Rolfcons converged at the lake.

“Yes sir!” Hans and Rufus shouted in unison, quickly getting on their horses and leaving.

As the pair exited the gate, a smirk appeared on Hope’s face.

“What?” Henrek asked, recognizing the mischievous look in his wife's eyes.

“You thought he was cute huh~?” Hope teased.

“W-what?! I mean… Fine, yes, you did a really good job…” Henrek admitted blushing, causing Barney and Hope to laugh uproariously.

“Makes sense, ya always seemed a fan of flat little things, can’t say I get it, need a woman with some meat on her bones and curves and all,” Barney nodded, earning a glare from Hope.

“I’m just shocked, I’ve worked with the man for a good few years now and he really did look like a woman, good work,” Henrek repeated, praising his wife genuinely once again.

“Ah, it was nothing, honestly I just think he’s been castrated.” Hope shrugged, earning a shocked look from the two men.

“What? High pitched voice, short, skinny, why else would he look like that!” Hope justified defensively.

“Poor boy…” Barney said solemnly.

“Poor man.” Henrek added mournfully.

Hope could only roll her eyes.

…

“Bloody hell, how much of this healing paste I gotta make for ya?” May asked indignantly as she prepared her fifth batch.

“Well I’m fucking sorry I need more! This pink bitch sounds like a skinny tart.” Redlia grumbled, having regrown a singular finger after eating four batches of the healing paste they had in storage.

“It ain’t easy cookin’ this you know!” May growled.

All the while, Utarou was reading through the alchemist’s journal.

There were a lot of advanced alchemical reactions, all of it went beyond the straight 75/100 student Utarou was for the sciences, but he did notice something interesting.

Efficient mana reconstitution from corpses.

He looked at the spare chicken and dragon parts May had on the counter, she was going to give them to Rhiney.

“According to this, apparently you can boil slime in water with corpses in order to extract mana quickly.” Utarou added as he reread the instructions for the fifth time.

“I told you, I’m not getting fucking boiled.” Redlia huffed, slamming her palm onto May’s table, leaving a small trail of slime on it.

Utarou scooped it up and left.

“Ah fuck.”

…

“Whatcha doin’?” Bluelia asked, Utarou had created a makeshift alchemist set up in the watch tower, a large pot he’d “borrowed” from May with a fire underneath it, filled with rainwater and the small amount of slime he’d been able to steal from Redlia.

“Tryna figure out this mana extraction process, actually grab that knife it’ll be easier if you just chop my arm off for me…” Utarou ordered casually as he paced around the pot, holding his arm out expectantly.

“Uh, yeah sure.” Bluelia mumbled, quickly obliging and cutting Utarou’s left arm off thrice as instructed.

“Apparently if we let this slowly heat up to a scalding temperature the mana in my flesh will be extracted into the water, then this scrap of Redlia will be able to absorb that magic imbued water while using the flesh to do… something.” Utarou sighed, leaning back on a couch, preparing to sit and watch water boil for the foreseeable future.

“Right… Y’know Penelope would probably be able to figure this stuff out,” Bluelia noted as she joined Utarou sitting on the couch.

“Heh, trust me, her talents are being used better at the dwarves base.” Utarou smirked, thinking about all the hidden monster girls she must’ve found.

Unfortunately, they were entirely unaware Penelope had just earnt Monsteria’s spot in the Errata.