I Might Be A Fake Cultivator

He was surrounded by chaos and it was as if he were amidst infinite darkness.

Dong! Dong! Dong! Dong! Dong! Dong!

An Lin felt as if he heard a call from his soul and with great difficulty, he opened his eyes.

Then, he saw a jade-white body standing naked in front of him…

Rabbit!

This rabbit was half a person tall and it was currently kneeling on the floor.

Holding a jade pestle in its hand, the rabbit repeatedly smashed down toward a small pot which was radiating a golden glaze.

Dong! Dong! Dong!

The whole room was suffused with the fragrant smell of medicine. Taking a breath, An Lin instantly felt at ease.

“Ah…” he involuntarily cried out aloud.

Hearing this, the rabbit turned its head around and blinked its round pink eyes as it looked toward An Lin.

“You’re awake?” The rabbit’s voice was crisp and pleasant.

“Uh-huh… Where is this?” An Lin nodded his head and asked.

His head was still throbbing. So, he raised his hands and lightly rubbed his temples.

The rabbit bounced before An Lin. “What’s 9695 multiplied by 874?”

An Lin was baffled upon hearing this. “Uh, let me think…” he said dazedly.

After three seconds, an extremely disappointed voice sounded. “What even… Your brain still hasn’t recovered even though you’re awake. Let me fix it for you…”

An Lin raised his head, only to see a jade pestle smashing down toward him like a club.

Dong!

An Lin’s eyes rolled into his head and he blacked out…

…

Dong! Dong! Dong! Dong! Dong! Dong!

Within the darkness, An Lin felt as if he heard a call from his soul.

He opened his eyes with great difficulty and found that the rabbit was looking at him.

“What’s 126876 divided by 13?” the rabbit asked.

An Lin’s lips quivered and he was just about to ask for a pen and paper.

Two seconds later, the rabbit sighed softly. “Ah, he still hasn’t recovered…”

A jade pestle cut through the air and struck An Lin’s head.

Dong!

An Lin fell unconscious…

…

Dong! Dong! Dong! Dong! Dong! Dong!

Within the darkness, An Lin felt as if he heard a call from his soul.

He opened his eyes with great difficulty and found that the rabbit was looking at him.

“Is this a nightmare?” An Lin asked with tears in his eyes.

The rabbit didn’t reply, instead asking, “What’s 896 cubed?”

An Lin was startled upon hearing this. “Wait!” he exclaimed loudly. “My brain’s fine, I’m not stupid! It’s just that I haven’t learnt arithmetic!”

The rabbit blinked and its large ears drooped down. “Is that so? That’s so troublesome. How should I determine if your brain is fine or not then?” the rabbit puzzled.

Upon hearing this, An Lin became teary-eyed again.

Say, is this rabbit’s brain normal?

Seeing the rabbit raise the jade pestle once again, he finally realized that this rabbit was serious!

“How about this! I can recite poems. I’ll recite poems to prove myself!” An Lin yelled.

In this time of great need, a brilliant idea flashed through An Lin’s mind.

“Reciting poems… Not a bad idea. Begin!” The rabbit gazed at An Lin with its large pink eyes, and its face was full of anticipation.

“The moon shines on my bed brightly, so that I mistook it for frost on the ground. I gaze at the moonlight with head uplifted ¹ …” An Lin recited loud and clearly.

Rabbit: “…”

“You’re actually reciting a pre-schooler level poem? As expected, your brain still hasn’t recovered!”

The rabbit raised the jade pestle once again.

Dong!

The jade pestle struck An Lin’s head and he passed out once again.

An Lin felt grievously wronged. He had originally thought that the rabbit would be unfamiliar with the poem he recited. Who knew that the rabbit actually recognized it!

Amidst the darkness, an unknown amount of time passed.

…

Dong! Dong! Dong! Dong! Dong! Dong!

An Lin once again heard a call from his soul.

This time, however, he chose to keep his eyes shut. He wouldn’t open his eyes, no matter what happened.

You can keep striking, and I’ll keep sleeping.

At this moment, a voice sounded in the room.

“Xiao Yue, what’s Student An Lin’s current condition?”

This was a female and her voice was soft and gentle. An Lin was extremely familiar with this voice!

Xiao Yue? This rabbit is the Jade Rabbit that Su Qianyun mentioned before?

“Uh… he woke up a few times but his brain was still a bit damaged. I plan on giving him some more medicine in order to help him recover,” the rabbit replied.

Whose brain is damaged? Your f*cking brain is damaged!

An Lin howled in his heart. He knew that it was time to open his eyes.

“Student Su, I’m awake!”

He opened his eyes and sat up. Looking at the girl in front of him, he continued, “Also, I’m very well. Don’t listen to that rabbit’s nonsense!”

“Student An Lin, you’re finally awake!”

Su Qianyun was very happy and she shuffled towards An Lin.

A pair of soft hands clasped over An Lin’s wrists, feeling the condition within his body.

“Hmm… His meridian and energy essence are almost fully recovered. Sister Chang’e’s Ultimate Creation Pill is indeed effective.” Su Qianyun spoke softly and she breathed a sigh of relief.

“What? Sister Chang’e? Ultimate Creation Pill?” An Lin widened his eyes in disbelief.

Su Qianyun was just about to explain this to him, but the rabbit spoke first. “It was like this. In the free-for-all battle event, you suddenly exploded. Your blood essence all trickled away and your meridians were obliterated. If it wasn’t for Celestial Immortal Yu Hua, who promptly stored your body in the Soul Locking Ice Coffin, perhaps you would already be dead.

“However, even Celestial Immortal Yu Hua could do nothing about your injuries. In other words, your body was completely crippled and only your conscience remained.

“In the end, it was Su Su who begged my master to save you. Only then did Master agree to refine an Ultimate Creation Pill to repair your meridians and rebirth your blood essence…”

Hearing the rabbit’s explanation, An Lin looked gratefully toward Su Qianyun. “Thank you so much! I, An Lin, will definitely repay this favor many times over!”

A slight blush appeared on Su Qianyun’s pretty face. Just as she was about to reply, the rabbit bounced in front of An Lin again and once again spoke before her. “There’s no doubt that you need to repay the favor, it is a must!

“The pill that Master refined was a second rank immortal pill! Only a handful of people in the Kingdom of the Nine States know how to refine this pill. To refine this pill, countless treasures of extreme rarity were needed. It was also necessary to draw on the essence of the Dark Moon, accumulate the vitality of the Heaven and Earth, and channel the Supreme Godly Technique…”

The rabbit indulged in exaggeration and the more that An Lin heard, the more astonished he became.

“How about… How about this. Give me a price, Your Excellency…” Hearing the rabbit’s remarks, An Lin became increasingly hesitant. Even if I sold myself ten-thousand times over, I wouldn’t be able to repay this bloody debt!

“Ahem,” the rabbit cleared its throat and rolled its eyes, saying slowly, “You can repay this gradually, there’s no rush. The first thing you need to do is help me collect these treasures!”

“Uh-huh, I’m all ears!” An Lin said solemnly.

“Fifty kilograms of dried carrots, ten boxes of carrot flavored chips, one ton of freshly cut carrot flavored fries…” the rabbit continued.

An Lin’s mouth was agape and he stood rooted to the spot, stupefied.

Where are the rare treasures you spoke of? Where are the exotic resources you spoke of?

Is it really okay for me to just buy a bunch of junk food as repayment!?

“It’s fine, An Lin. Sister Chang’e is a very good person. She didn’t demand that you have to do anything to repay her.

“These are all Xiao Yue’s demands. She knows that you’re going to the mortal world, so she wants you to help her buy some tasty treats!” Su Qianyun explained in a soft voice.

She smiled faintly upon seeing An Lin’s expression, and two small dimples appeared on her face.

“Su Su! Why are you exposing this to an outsider? This is so embarrassing for me!” There was a hint of irritation in the rabbit’s voice, and she glared at Su Qianyun.

Su Qianyun’s face flushed red again after being scolded by the rabbit.

“Hang on, you said that I’m going to the mortal world!?” An Lin grabbed onto the key point from Su Qianyun’s explanation.

“M-hm. In ten days time, you’ll be amongst the first group of new students to descend into the mortal realm!” Su Qianyun nodded.

An Lin was startled upon hearing this. Descending into the mortal realm…

I can return to Earth!