I Might Be A Fake Cultivator

To the west of the floating continent, there was a grand and majestic structure—Dou Shuai Palace.

This structure stood behind five layers of walls and its roof was held up by nine large marble columns. It was as if this structure symbolized the imperial throne¹ .

Dou Shuai Palace was a temporary imperial residence of the Heavenly Lord of Dao and Virtue. It was not managed by the Heavenly Court, but it was responsible for the Heavenly Court’s pill refinement business. When immortals of the Heavenly Court wanted pills or elixirs, most of them would go to Dou Shuai Palace and commission an order.

Yi Xi the Enlightened, a disciple of the Heavenly Lord of Dao and Virtue, was in charge of the refinement of immortal pills.

He was one of the very best in the Heavenly Court when it came to pill refinements. Not only was the quality of his pills top-notch, but he was also a very efficient worker.

With a map in his hands, An Lin flew through the sky on his brick. Xiao Chou was quietly sitting on his shoulder.

Soon after, he saw the majestic palace.

“Damn, what a humongous palace!” He was astonished by the sheer scale of what lay before his eyes.

The palace soared at least a few hundred meters into the air. At first glance, it looked like it was a gigantic mountain which towered into the skies.

In front of Dou Shuai Palace, there were falling flowers and flowing water. White lotuses bloomed all around.

The refreshing breeze brought along with it a faint fragrance, making one feel relaxed and reinvigorated.

An Lin landed at the entrance of Dou Shuai Palace. Standing guard there were two heavenly soldiers.

“Halt! Please produce your identification,” one of the heavenly soldiers yelled.

An Lin stopped in his tracks, slightly dumbfounded.

Produce my identification? What identification? My student identification?

Mulling over this for a moment, he decided to produce his student identification. This was a wooden tablet he received from The United University of Cultivation.

After seeing this wooden tablet, the heavenly soldiers moved aside to let him through.

An Lin put away the wooden tablet. He had never needed to use his student identification when entering or exiting the university gates. Who would’ve thought that he would need it here?

Upon entering Dou Shuai Palace, what greeted him was the sight of numerous cultivators. They were dressed in daoist robes and all of them were busy picking out medicinal ingredients.

Glancing around, he found that this entire level was filled with medicine chests. They were densely packed together and innumerable in number. One could only guess how many rare treasures lay in these chests.

At this moment, a young cultivator with delicate features walked up to An Lin. “Hi there, fellow cultivator. May I ask if you’re here to commission pills?”

An Lin nodded. “That’s right, I want to find someone to help me refine immortal pills.”

“Immortal pills?” The young cultivator was startled. “Then we need to ask Elder Yi Xi. Please follow me.”

An Lin followed the young cultivator onto a wooden board.

The wooden board suddenly started moving upwards. Glancing around when they passed the second floor, he found that this floor was also packed densely with medicine chests.

The wooden board continued moving upwards. Third floor, fourth floor… All these floors were packed with medicine chests. Eventually, they all became a blur in his eyes.

An Lin felt that Dou Shuai Palace was just a gigantic treasure storage. Every level contained countless rare treasures. The overall amount of medicinal ingredients here was terrifying!

The wooden board stopped when it arrived on the nineteenth floor. An Lin followed the young cultivator to a pill refinement room which faced toward the east.

“Elder Yi Xi, there’s a customer who wants to refine an immortal pill,” the young cultivator said respectfully.

“M-hm, tell him to wait for a while,” a lazy voice replied, “let me finish refining this pill first.”

Looking into the pill refinement room, An Lin saw a thick-browed fatty. He was eating an apple out of one hand, and his other hand waved about in the air.

In front of him, a purple flame raged. Countless medicines mingled and mixed in the air as they were tempered.

Heavens! Pill refinement can be carried out with a single hand?

Seeing this, An Lin was a bit startled. He had learned about pill refinement in class and knew that the most important thing during pill refinement was to maintain absolute concentration.

However, the person in front of him was eating an apple as he refined, and he wasn’t using a pill refinement cauldron either. Truly, he was acting far too casual.

“Huh? You’re the one who wants to refine a pill?”

Yi Xi took a bite out of his apple as he looked toward An Lin. In the meantime, his other hand still waved about in the air.

An Lin was shocked by his casual demeanor. “Brother, don’t you need to look at what you’re refining?”

Bloody hell. So be it if he can divide his attention between two things…

Now, he isn’t even glancing at what the medicines in the air are forming into!

Will pills refined in such a way really not kill their taker?

“Oh, it’s fine, I’m very talented.”

Yi Xi consoled An Lin as if he was aware of what An Lin was worried about.

“Condense!” Yi Xi grabbed toward the void and the medicines suspended in the purple flames started suddenly swirling. A dazzling light burst forth, and the crisp cries of birds reverberated around the room.

Whoosh!

A sparkling white pill flew into Yi Xi’s hand.

There was a look of satisfaction on Yi Xi’s face. “Peach Blossom, deliver this Eighth-Rank Bluebird Rime Immortal Pill to the Heavenly Court’s True Lord Erlang.”

A pretty daoist nun walked in and placed the pill into a vial. Then, she cheerfully left.

An Lin was astounded. He didn’t expect that Yi Xi could remain so casual when refining an eighth-rank immortal pill. This was a clear display of his skill!

Thinking of this, the doubt in his mind lessened slightly.

Seeing that Yi Xi had already finished refining the previous pill, An Lin asked respectfully, “Elder Yi Xi, I’m An Lin. I want you to help me refine a ninth-rank wood-type immortal pill. May I please know how much that costs?”

Hearing this, Yi Xi yawned. “There are several types of ninth-rank wood-type immortal pills, and they all cost a different amount. What type do you want? Drop me a name.”

“Um, I’m not sure about the type either,” An Lin answered hesitantly, “Just give me the cheapest one!”

“Hah? You want the cheapest one?” Yi Xi blinked his large eyes and remarked, “Are you feeding pigs with your immortal pills? You’re choosing the cheapest one straight away without even considering the special properties of the pills. What kind of mentality is this?”

An Lin winced. I’m the pig that you speak of!

Stage One Evergreen Technique—Condition: Consume five wood-type immortal pills in succession.

As long as they were immortal pills, it was fine. Of course, he wanted the cheapest one!

An Lin persisted, “Elder Yi Xi, can you please tell me how much the cheapest wood-type immortal pill costs?”

Yi Xi answered grudgingly, “Vitality Increasing Pill, eighty thousand spirit stones each. This pill can temper one’s body, replenish one’s energy essence, and to a small extent, enlarge the capacity of the vital energy sea in one’s jade temple. Do you want it?”

Only eighty thousand spirit stones each? This was much cheaper than what he had imagined.

An Lin nodded. “Sure,” he chuckled, “give me five!”

Yi Xi’s eyes bulged. “Why do you want so many of this pill? After the first pill, the effects decrease dramatically if you take more!”

“I feel like it,” An Lin answered frankly.

Yi Xi felt a throb in his chest. He didn’t want to talk anymore.

Fine, you’re a rich fool, I can’t convince you.

Yi Xi didn’t continue along with this conversation. Instead, he ordered a young daoist to notify the medicine pickers below to prepare the medicinal ingredients.

At this moment, Xiao Chou suddenly leaped onto a golden pill refinement cauldron which sat in the room.

Yi Xi had noticed this adorably ugly mini monkey long ago. He couldn’t help but question, “What’re you trying to do?”

Xiao Chou scratched his head and replied, “I heard that Sun Wukong, the Great Sage of Heaven, was refined in this cauldron for 49 days. In the end, he attained golden fiery eyes…”

Yi Xi grimaced. Xiao Chou’s remark evoked an unpleasant memory in his mind. “You want to try?” he asked darkly.

Xiao Chou shook his head. “N-no… I just want to take a picture with it to commemorate this occasion.”

Yi Xi was perplexed. “What?”

Xiao Chou looked toward An Lin with his large light-bulb-like eyes. An Lin took out his solar energy phone cooperatively.

“Come here, Xiao Chou. Stand on top of the cauldron and make a peace sign with your hands. Yes, just like that!”

An Lin cheerfully snapped a few pictures.

“Done, let’s take a few more with your original form!” he chuckled.

Hearing this, Xiao Chou started transforming, eventually becoming an Ugly Monkey King as his name implied!

“Look here… smile!”

Xiao Chou smiled an ugly smile.

Yi Xi: “…”

What’s going on?

Are these two retards here to buy pills, or to tour around?!

Xiao Chou raised the peace sign in both his hands above his head, making rabbit ears and trying to act cute…

Yi Xi almost fainted at this horrifying sight, and he felt an urge to beat someone up.

Just like that, Xiao Chou got a photo with the cauldron that his idol was refined in.