I Don't Want To Be Loved

Chapter 180 – You murdered me

Translator – Yue

Rihannan made gestures to indicate that he should not come near her, but Igor simply ignored her and kept walking in her direction.

“I found it among your belongings”.

“My belongings? I never brought this into the palace. I threw it into the sea six years ago, when I was onboard the ship that took me to Chrichton. I definitely remember seeing it floating on the ocean, so stop telling lies!”

“It was pressed inside a book you cherished”.

“…”

Rihannan suddenly stopped breathing. She starting backing away, as though she’d seen a ghost.

“That’s why it took me so long to find it. It must have taken me three years after that day”. Igor’s voice suddenly lowered. “The day you died”

Rihannan bit her lips till they bled. “It’s… impossible…”

“A long time ago, you said that if one held on tightly to that feather and asked for a wish from the bottom of the heart, Ataraxia would appear again and grant that person his wish”.

“No!”

Rihannan sobbed while blocking her ears with both hands. shaking her head. This couldn’t be true, something was definitely wrong. To think that the husband she hated the most was standing in front of her right now, even though he’d changed a lot.

As she was backing away, she suddenly collided with a shelf. Her body shook while looking intently at Igor, who stood still a few paces away from her.

“I implored Ataraxia to bring you back into my arms”.

“Lies…”

“Ataraxia said you also had the right to have your wish fulfilled, and therefore mine could not come true. That’s why I asked for time to go back. That wish came true”.

“Even if what you are saying is true, you had no reason to ask for that kind of wish. You had no right, because… you…”

You are the one that murdered me.

The moment that thought came to her mind, Rihannan felt a burning rage within her. His purple eyes that always stared at her coldly. The hurtful words he’d said to her were still fresh on her mind. His radiant smile as he danced with Leticia. Knowing that they were rolling on the sheets while she was left aside, pregnant. To Rihannan, all those memories were still vivid, as though it’d all happened yesterday.

And to think that that very same person was standing in front of her now! How could she fall in love with the man that murdered her? He’d even kissed her and enveloped her with his skin!

With her head filled with rage and her vision turning red, all rational thought escaped from her mind. She took all the books she could carry from the shelf and threw them at him.

“You murdered me! It was you!”

As the books were too heavy for her to throw far, some of them fell to his feet. However, she did managed to aim the target with some, hitting him.

“You didn’t need a wife who’d aborted your baby, so you imprisoned me over a made-up crime and threw me into prison!”

Igor lowered his head as he received Rihannan’s blows. One of the books finally hit him in the forehead with the pointy edge, and blood run down his face. Even so, Igor’s expression didn’t change at all, as though he could feel no pain.

“Then, you sent Leticia to come find me. She told me to drink poison and die quietly, lest I wanted a shameful death in front of a huge crowd. So, tell me, after you’ve done all that, why did you bring me back?”

“I did not do that”

Rihannan laughed sardonically.

“You didn’t send Leticia? Then, who did it? She came and went as she pleased with your permission. Who else could have granted her that right, if it wasn’t you?”

“That was…”

“And if you did save my life, then I’m sure it was only for this reason”. Rihannan lips were trembling. “Perhaps this time you not only wanted to strip the Queen Mother of her power over Arundell, but are also looking into taking over Chrichton! I’m sure you’ll be able to win an all-out war against Chrichton after taking me hostage and killing me”.

“I never had the intention to harm you in the past, nor do I have it now”.

“Those aren’t the words the person who murdered me should be saying”.

Igor let out a painful sigh. “Rihannan, to tell you the truth, there were many misunderstanding between us in the past. I now it’s hard to believe, but… it’s difficult to explain, so I can’t tell you everything now”.

“Misunderstandings? They were all misunderstandings? The last time you saw me in my past life, you were doing it with Leticia in your office. Was that a misunderstanding as well?”.

Igor’s face paled.

“That day, it definitely looked as though you were seducing Leticia. Are you really saying that was just a misunderstanding?”.

Igor, rubbing his face furiously, angerly replied “there was a reason why I had to do that back then. Really, it wasn’t that I wanted…”

“Ah…” Rihannan couldn’t help but laugh. She never thought Igor would give out such terrible excuse for his behavior.

“But I can explain it all to you, so please…”

Rihannan closed her eyes tightly before opening them again. Tears were pooling within her eyes.

“Do you know what type of people I hate the most?”. She suddenly asked. She noticed she was repeating the words he’d said to her in her past life. “’Not the cowards, nor the liars, but the people who wear different faces as soon as you turn your back’. That’s what you said to me. You criticized me, saying I was muttering terrible things behind your back, and that I was only giving you excuses. From that moment on, I couldn’t say anything in front of you, as any word I’d say would be seen as mere excuses later on”.

Tears were rolling down Rihannan’s cheeks. Igor couldn’t say anything, as his lips were numbed.

“So let me say the same to you now, my king. You insulted me in my past life, so you have no right to give me excuses in this life. And I don’t wish to hear any more nonsense from you, ever again”.

Rihannan turned her back, walking out of the room. The moment she was about to step outside the door, Igor spoke.

“Alright. I won’t give any excuses. But, Rihannan, I’m sure you have something else to say to me”.

Rihannan slowly turned around to face him. “Something I have to say to you?”

“About the recent changes in your body”

Rihannan felt out of breath. Igor approached her while looking into her trembling blue eyes.

“All this time, I’ve been receiving reports about you, what you’ve been eating, whether you’ve slept well, if something hurts… anything about you. It’s been a while since you have last menstruated, and lately you are enjoying foods with cilantro leaves. These are the same symptoms you’ve had in your past life when you were pregnant, or am I mistaken?”