I Don't Want To Be Loved

Chapter 113: Igor’s Wish

Igor’s eyes softened and flashed momentarily. “You said something like that before as well. When did it occur? When did you have trouble sleeping?”

Rihannan smiled bitterly and said, “Six years ago… when my mother died.”

He looked at her with solemn eyes and stretched his hand out to caress her head.

“So you’ve had a difficult time sleeping at night because of that,” his voice was soft, “I understand. To have someone you love dearly leave you would frighten anyone, after all.”

“…Yes.”

But truth be told, the moment insomnia plagued her at night was the moment she re-lived the past. She had no plans to wallow in self-pity or blaming others for the misfortunes she’d gone through, but it was difficult… was it depression? Fortunately, she was able to recover and mend her broken heart to an extent in Chrichton, but when night came, memories of her death and the last minutes of it kept rolling on repeat.

It was difficult to sleep.

If she closed her eyes, she kept wondering if she’d end up in that cold and dark prison cell.

“You won’t be alone. I’ll be here. Relax and sleep, Rihannan.”

Igor laid next to her and pulled her in his warm embrace. He patted her back soothingly.

Rihannan nodded.

But would she be able to sleep in this state?

She sighed the more she thought of it.

***

Her body shifted left and right uncomfortably till she finally calmed and breathed relaxing sounds. Igor opened his closed eyes and carefully moved his body so as not to wake her and got off the bed.

Looking down at his sleeping beauty, he remembered that day.

Flashback…

Days and nights passed without meaning, without hope. He lived each day in this damned world in despair. He regretted his foolish act over and over and over again… but… that person would never return… she passed on and she’d never return to his side again.

Each day he awoke in the morning feeling hopeless with a black, empty heart. He lived and drowned in the dark abyss with nowhere to escape. Her figure always followed him in the shadows as regret filled him.

One day, he found a golden feather among the objects she left behind.

Years had passed but the feather looked no different from the short memory he had of her. He could tell the amount of effort she put caring for the golden feather. The thought that she kept this feather with her cracked his broken heart.

“Why… Rihannan…” his voice croaked painfully.

He cried and laughed, a mangled tone of bitterness that became a repeated cycle. He looked like a madman. Then, finally, he fell asleep from exhaustion. As he slept, he met a being in his dream. That being had a halo of golden light shining around itself. The light was blindingly bright as he stood in front of the being. Its head was the shape of a human, but below its neck was the body of a crow. Its entire body emitted a powerful and uneasy aura.

Igor felt the presence of this being beyond the dim boundaries no human could imitate.

He soon realized that this being was Ataraxia.

For the first time after her death, a bright, joyous smile conquered his lips.

Even if this was merely an illusion and a simple dream, it was fine. He was okay with this little sliver of hope. He would willingly cast his life and everything that he had for this little bit of hope.

“Would you like to make a wish?”

Ataraxia’s voice was not of the human language, nor was it vocal, but simply waves of thoughts traveling through his mind delicately.

Igor voiced his wish right away… it was to bring her back from the dead, to see her again, to have her beside him, to ask for a second chance…

However, Ataraxia calmly shook its head.

“I, too, have a debt to pay her. She does not wish to be with you. I cannot grant you that wish.”