Chapter 991: Live a Good Life (4)

Among the martial world’s most famous eccentrics, there was the Divine Thief.

A bizarre thief who came and went like a ghost, so no one could ever know their true identity!

And the stories of the Divine Thief had been handed down from the distant past—and even now, every so often, wouldn’t rumors still spread that the Divine Thief had robbed someone again?

Some people sneered that it was just ordinary thieves selling the Divine Thief’s name to make their robberies sound grand—that the Divine Thief didn’t exist at all.

But the prevailing view in the martial world was that the Divine Thief was probably a mysterious one-person lineage tradition, passed down generation to generation.

Of course, if that were true, it was hard to understand why someone who learned martial arts so properly would bother living as a thief.

Naturally, the Divine Thieves might feel wronged.

Learn martial arts “properly”? Want to try yanking your tendons until they tear and bending your joints backward?

We’re the ones who learned the hard way.

Anyway.

The Divine Thief was said, from ancient times, to be so elusive that no one could know their identity—so how?

Because the Divine Thief was a master of disguise craft—a genius of disguises.

Rumor said the Divine Thief’s disguise could turn them into a child, or an old man, or even a woman, so the person who brushed past you might be the Divine Thief and it wouldn’t be strange at all.

Of course, it wasn’t that extreme.

People in the Central Plains had a tendency to like tall tales, so you just had to account for that.

The Divine Thief’s disguise craft wasn’t some mystical technique where your body shape changed and your face got kneaded and remolded into something else.

It was just a craft—built from countless experiences over a long time, plus all sorts of miscellaneous hand skills.

If you summed up the Divine Thief’s disguise craft in one sentence, it was this:

Hide the features you were born with, then attach new features on top.

Which meant the more distinctive your original features were, the harder disguising became—without limit.

Like this.

“Hm. That artificial eye stands out too much...”

Qing muttered as she slowly picked apart Yeom Hwiyoung’s face—her stepson’s face—piece by piece.

She was the one who had personally messed up one of his eyes so he’d have to wear an artificial eye, so if someone heard her, they might say her personality had snapped in half.

“Ah, it’s fine. I’ve got one that doesn’t stand out.”

Yeom Hwiyoung pulled a luxurious box from his robe and opened it. Inside was a single eyeball—an exquisite imitation, with a glossy pupil and even faint blood vessels you could almost see.

Then he shoved a finger into the socket and plucked out his own eye—

And at the sight, Qing’s face twisted into absolute horror.

“Guh—urk.”

“See? Now it’s perfect, Mom.”

“Kyaaa! I told you not to do that!”

While Qing clenched and unclenched her fingers, not knowing what to do with herself, Jayeo stretched both hands out, fascinated.

Yeom Hwiyoung handed Jayeo the silver artificial eye he’d just removed, and she stared at it with sparkling eyes, going Ooooh, inspecting it.

“This one—yucky. Yucky.”

Choi Ri-ong waved urgently at Jayeo to put it down, while right beside her Heema calmly kneaded a flesh-colored lump like dough—squeeze, squeeze—completely unfazed.

Qing’s entire “family-claiming” crowd, assembled in full.

Qing stared at the face with the artificial eye, and the longer she looked, the stranger it felt—because the one eye didn’t move even a fraction.

He had a perfectly made eye and refused to wear it, and somehow the old pale-white artificial eye looked less uncanny than this.

Was this that “uncanny valley” thing?

“Ah—if we make you cross-eyed, it’ll work. Try shifting the focus outward? Ah, too far. Yeah—there. Just a little up? Wait, if you raise it too high it gets disgusting, okay?”

Qing found the core concept of the disguise.

Cross-eyed—and if they added a bit of flesh and carved wrinkles, he’d become a cross-eyed old man—

“Oh. From now on, you’re New Greenwood’s pirate—no, bandit—kid-elder, Heavenly Dog Star Mu Hong.”

Yeom Hwiyoung’s one-eyed look was so distinctive it took some careful thought, but there was nothing to worry about with Choi Ri-ong.

Put young, springy skin on the old man, then have him hunch his normally straight back despite his age, curl his neck forward like a turtle—and he’d look like a completely different person.

And then Heema and I had to cross-dress as men—

The problem was, the Divine Thief’s secret disguise craft didn’t really have a “cross-dressing as a man” section.

Because every Divine Thief in history had been male.

There were secrets for dressing as a woman, but why would male Divine Thieves ever need to research or attempt dressing as men?

So the “male disguise” chapter of the Divine Thief’s secret craft was a field Qing had to pioneer herself—homework she’d have to leave behind.

But both Qing and Heema had a lethal physical defect when it came to passing as men:

Overdeveloped lumps of chest fat.

No matter how tightly you bound, there was a physical limit. In that sense, Moyong Juhee really was a cross-dressing genius—optimized for it, you could say...

Put rough skin on her, slap on a bushy beard, and she could walk around bare-chested and nobody would notice.

So, well.

We had to dress up as fat men.

Put on a male face covering, then wrap the whole torso with cloth stuffed full of cotton. That was it.

Having two fat men in the group was a little lacking in originality, but originality wasn’t the point in the first place...

And so: Qing and her stepson, her “dad-claiming” old man, and her sworn sister—an entire family bandit gang assembled.

Though this family bandit gang was... not normal at all.

Grandpa was in the Transformation Realm. The two daughters were in the Transformation Realm and Harmonization (tsk). And that daughter’s son—her grandson—was a Mystical Realm expert.

Two Transformation Realm experts, one Mystical Realm expert, and one pack mule.

It was, truly, the strongest bandits imaginable...

So. We’d settled the frame for everyone’s disguises.

Now all that remained was deciding where to pull the job.

And that decision wasn’t hard.

There were many routes from Taehwa County—where the Evil Path Alliance’s central headquarters sat—to Jagwi County.

But with the weight of the gold, it would be difficult to haul the carts over the steep Musan mountain paths.

Which meant the road into Jagwi County was, in the end, a single branch stretching out from Yichang.

Unless they took a boat—but boats in this era always came with the risk of sinking, which made them unsuitable for transporting gold.

And they weren’t going downstream—they’d have to go against the current, which made it even worse.

So if the Evil Path Alliance wanted to transport gold to Jagwi County on foot, no matter where they stopped along the way, they would ultimately have to pass through Yichang.

...That was the explanation of Seolga-nom, the greatest intellect among cross-dressing men.

And Yichang was a perfect spot.

If the goal were the gold itself, they could just snatch it somewhere secluded and be done.

But the Evil Path Alliance could use it as an excuse to start talking nonsense.

Who even knew the gold was going into Jagwi County? They could claim the Martial Alliance was greedy for gold and staged the whole thing.

And for the Evil Path Alliance, if the gold was stolen anyway, the picture of “the Martial Alliance stole it” was far prettier than “bandits stole it.” Less loss of face.

So the gold robbery needed lots of witnesses.

Yichang was a large city with a long, storied history going back to the era of the Three Kingdoms. If something happened here, the witnesses would be in the hundreds and thousands—and rumors would spread perfectly along the Yangtze.

Of course, it was also possible the gold wouldn’t roll into Yichang.

They could brace for misery and take the route Qing once took south—cross Tianzi Mountain, then cross the Musan Mountain Range.

Or since the waterways from Nanchang, the capital of Jiangxi Province, ran straight to Jagwi County, they could simply take a boat and arrive easily.

But in truth, even if the gold arrived safely, it wouldn’t create an irreversible situation.

It would be better if they robbed the gold, sure—but the gold arriving didn’t mean the medical academy would be forced to hand itself over.

Time passed, and for those reasons—

Yichang.

New Greenwood’s bandit gang opened for business before all under heaven!

“Hand over everything you’ve got! This is the territory of the orthodox bandits—New Greenwood!”

Hyung Taejak’s mouth opened and closed without sound.

Because when something is too absurd, words get stuck instead.

There wasn’t even a starting point. Nothing in this situation made sense.

What kind of “orthodox bandits” even are those?

And why are “orthodox bandits” committing banditry in a city?

And since when was the large city of Yichang the “territory” of orthodox bandits?

And the name “New Greenwood” itself—if you operate in a city, you aren’t bandits, so shouldn’t you stop using the character for “grove,” the one that means forest?

While Hyung Taejak spiraled in confusion, the Deputy Great Lord beside him bellowed a stern shout.

“You lunatics! You nameless bandit trash—how dare you act arrogant before us! We are the Evil Path Thug Grand Coalition’s special combat detachment, the Golden Hawk Detachment! Do you bastards have a death wish—!”

“Nameless? Don’t be ridiculous! Can’t you tell who we are at a glance, you ignorant bastard!”

Qing cut straight through the Deputy Great Lord’s words, and jabbed her left arm at Yeom Hwiyoung.

“He’s Heavenly Dog Star, Mu Hong! Doesn’t that wandering, unfocused gaze left and right prove it!”

Mu Hong was one of the bandits on Mount Liang in Water Margin, described as having eyes that looked to both sides.

In other words: cross-eyed. A squint.

Spectators who had rushed over at the commotion immediately nodded.

Now that they heard it, yeah—he did look exactly like Mu Hong.

“And look at this honored elder’s hunched back and the way his head sticks forward—this is Earth-Quick Star, old Master Shi Qian!”

Among Mount Liang’s bandits, there was one who was hunched with a turtle neck—Earth-Quick Star, Shi Qian!

Shi Qian—Choi Ri-ong—looked like the situation itself was mortifying. He lowered his eyes, as if he couldn’t bring himself to look anywhere at all.

But again, the spectators nodded along.

Now that they heard it, yeah—he really was Shi Qian.

Riding that wave of approval, Qing pointed at Heema next and shouted.

“And this one—look at this build! At a glance, isn’t she Heavenly Lonely Star Lu Zhishen!”

This time, the spectators tilted their heads in unison.

Lu Zhishen was a big man, sure—but wasn’t he a bald, musclebound ex-monk with only his belly sticking out?

Sure, the build was impressive, but claiming a fat person was Lu Zhishen felt like a stretch.

Of course, Lu Zhishen’s popularity also played a role.

Water Margin was a story of one hundred and eight bandits in a den called Mount Liang, and most of them were exactly what you’d expect from bandits—human trash, worthless scum.

But even among them, there were a few who shone with startling decency—people who weren’t bandit-like at all.

And among the more “human” figures loved for that, one was Heavenly Lonely Star Lu Zhishen.

So in an atmosphere of total disbelief, Qing pointed at herself and shouted.

“And as you’ve all already figured out by now, I am New Greenwood’s Grand Chieftain—Heavenly Kill Star Black Whirlwind Li Kui!”

“...?” “......” “...??”

What? She says she’s Li Kui. You heard that? She says she’s Heavenly Kill Star. How is that Li Kui? Her face isn’t even black. And where are the twin axes—why is she holding an iron mace?

Anyway.

The astonishing true identities of the orthodox bandits, New Greenwood!

Heavenly Kill Star (which was true) Li Kui!

Heavenly Lonely Star Lu Zhishen!

Heavenly Dog Star Mu Hong!

Earth-Quick Star Shi Qian!

In truth, it was common as dirt for bandits to claim they were descendants of Mount Liang, so it wasn’t profoundly shocking.

Still, when people claimed Mount Liang figures, they usually at least made the effort to match the weapons—this was pushing it even for a stretch.

Golden Hawk Unit Commander Hyung Taejak went from speechless to genuinely boiling.

There were limits to treating someone like a fool. And those bluffs might work on some soft country bumpkin, but these bastards were making threats in front of the Evil Path Thug Grand Coalition—no, in front of its special combat detachment, the Golden Hawk Detachment!

“Hah. I was going to let it pass nicely. But you brought this on yourselves, so if you want to resent something, resent your own stupidity. Golden Hawk Detachment! Sweep those bastards away!”

Hyung Taejak shouted that and stomped his foot.

BOOM!

A thunderclap like a cannonball dropping.

His body shot forward in a straight line.

Hyung Taejak’s realm was mid-stage Transformation.

With a mature, perfected stomp, he raised his great blade high, closed the distance in an instant, and—

In his vision, the fat man claiming to be Li Kui rushed right up to his nose, panicking and hoisting his iron mace high in a hurry.

A briny smile crept onto Hyung Taejak’s lips.

You think a mere iron mace can block aura?

I’ll split you in two—mace and all.

Hyung Taejak brought the great blade down.

Aura as sharp as the blade itself carved a thick stroke through the air in one sweeping slash.

CLANG!!

Hyung Taejak’s eyes flew wide.

His grip went numb from an unexpected rebound, and he nearly lost the blade.

And there in front of him was Li Kui—holding the iron mace high, wrapped in blazing crimson aura.

As if he’d never looked startled at all, he wore a deeply ominous smile on that fat, flesh-layered head.