Chapter 886: The guilt remains

Zhao Tian was sitting on the wide couch in the living area with his hair still slightly damp from a quick freshen-up.

He wore only a loose pair of black trousers.

The morning light filtered gently through the windows, casting a calm glow across the room.

At that moment, Ji Shuang approached carrying a small tray.

She set the steaming cup of tea carefully on the low table in front of him.

"Drink it while it’s hot," she said softly. "I’ll go prepare breakfast."

She turned to leave.

But before she could take a second step, Zhao Tian’s hand reached out and gently grabbed her wrist.

With a gentle tug, he pulled her backward, guiding her down until she sat in his lap.

"Tian-!"

He wrapped his arms around her waist from behind, holding her in place.

Ji Shuang’s body tensed for a moment before she exhaled slowly.

Zhao Tian rested his chin lightly on her shoulder for a second, breathing in the faint scent of her skin.

His right hand slid upward, and it slipped beneath the edge of her outer robe, pushing the fabric aside just enough to reach inside.

His fingers found the full, heavy curve of her left breast and cupped it completely.

The soft, warm flesh filled his hand at once, overflowing slightly between his fingers.

He gave it a firm squeeze, feeling the plush weight mold perfectly to his palm.

His thumb brushed across the fabric still covering her nipple, tracing a slow circle over the sensitive peak.

Ji Shuang’s breath caught audibly "Tian. The tea..."

"It can wait a little," he answered against the side of her neck.

His lips brushed her skin as he spoke, then pressed a soft, open-mouthed kiss just beneath her ear.

He lifted the heavy breast slightly, testing its weight, watching from over her shoulder as the soft flesh compressed and spilled around his fingers.

Ji Shuang turned her head slightly and leaned in, pressing a soft kiss to his lips.

She pulled back slightly and muttered against his lips "Now that the Elven Star is safe... what are your plans?"

His gaze lowered, resting somewhere near the curve of her shoulder.

"...I need to bring Yao Jing back."

Ji Shuang’s body tensed in his lap and her eyes trembled as the softness from a moment ago cracked.

She turned more fully toward him, "Tian... I told you to give up on that. You can’t keep clinging to it."

Zhao Tian didn’t look away, but he didn’t argue either.

Ji Shuang’s expression grew serious as she muttered in worry and frutration "I’m sad too. I grieve for her every day. Do you think you’re the only one who lost her?"

"I knew Yao Jing long before you did. I was the one who found her on that star."

"I was the one who took her away from there and brought her into the sect. I watched her grow. I taught her."

Her voice wavered for a moment, but she forced it steady "When she died... it felt like a part of me died with her."

"And every time you say you’re going to bring her back, it hurts all over again... because I want it just as much as you do, and I know how impossible it is."

"You’re the Honoured One. You carry so much already. Don’t destroy yourself chasing something the heavens themselves took away.

"Yao Jing wouldn’t want that. She wouldn’t want you breaking yourself for her."

"...I don’t want to lose you too, Tian... please listen to me."

[A/n: Chapter 763, 764 and 765 where he first tells it and she scolds him.]

Zhao Tian’s gaze remained lowered for a moment.

"...I know, Shuang’er... I know what you’re saying. But the guilt... it sits in my chest every single day. No matter how many times I tell myself she’s gone, it stays."

He exhaled with a long, tired sigh.

Ji Shuang shifted in his lap so she could face him more fully.

She cupped both of his cheeks with her palms and forced him to meet her eyes.

"Then honor her another way. You once told me you would become the greatest alchemist alive... because that was her dream."

"Do that for her. Pour yourself into that path."

"I already told you... In search of finding a way to bring back Jing’er, you will lose yourself."

"You have to realize that you have so many wives who are relying on you and... love you. If something happens to you... what will they do?"

She took a deep breath "Tian... you are throwing yourself in danger for someone who is already dead without considering the people who are still alive and love you."

Her thumbs brushed lightly along his cheekbones "Just... don’t tell me you’re planning to throw yourself into some rupture, going to hunt for a soul shard of the Heavenly One or something. Please..."

Her voice softened further, "I already lost her. I can’t lose you too."

Zhao Tian remained silent for a moment.

"I... won’t go inside a rupture anymore. I will find some other way."

Upon hearing this, Ji Shuang’s eyes trembled, and she bit down on her lower lip hard enough that the soft flesh turned pale.

"You will never change." she muttered under her breath in frustration.

Before Zhao Tian could respond, she pushed his hands away and stood up from his lap.

The sudden loss of her warmth left a cold space against his chest.

"Shuang’er-"

He reached out and grabbed her wrist in an attempt to stop her from leaving.

Ji Shuang turned her head just enough to look at him over her shoulder.

Her eyes were glassy with tears, but there was genuine anger in them "Don’t talk to me anymore."

She pulled her hand free with force and walked toward the doorway without looking back.

The soft sound of her footsteps faded down the hallway, followed by the quiet click of a door closing somewhere.

Zhao Tian remained seated on the couch with his one hand still half-raised in the air where he tried to hold her.

A soft sigh escaped his lips.

He understood Ji Shuang’s worry.

’You are throwing yourself into danger for someone who is already dead without considering the people who are still alive and love you.’

She is right.

He has many wives, and all of them had tied their fates to his.

All of them would suffer if he disappeared into some reckless plan and never returned.

And yet the guilt remained...

Zhao Tian slowly lowered his hand and leaned back against the couch.

His gaze drifted to the cup of tea that had long since gone cold on the table.

He closed his eyes for a moment.

’...I know you’re worried, Shuang’er, but I had to at least try this.’

’If not, I will die under the guilt of not even trying my best.’