Chapter 113 “I do not understand.”

Felix walked down the hall, pace steady despite the relief still settling behind his ribs from the hall he'd just left. He had no idea what would actually happen to Nicole and his family next, wasn't his job to decide that either. He'd done what he was hired for, uncovered the conspiracy, protected Vivi exactly as promised. The rest belonged to people with actual authority to sort out.

He stopped mid-step and looked down at his own hands.

They were shaking.

Is that fear?

He turned them over slowly, confused by the sight of it. What am I even scared of right now? Everything's finished. There's nothing left to hide from anyone.

His pulse kept climbing anyway, faster with every second he stood there trying to talk himself out of it.

He curled both hands into fists and forced his stride forward again, quicker now, willing his mind to settle into more calmer. It refused. The tightness in his chest only grew heavier the closer he got to her door, an old, cornered animal instinct rising up from his chest he can't stop.

He reached her door and stopped there, breathing out long and slow before finally pushing it open.

Dune sat by the window, a small table set in front of her crowded with food, plates stacked two deep in places. She ate without any concern for the mess of it, tearing into a thick cut of meat with both hands, entirely absorbed.

Knock knock.

She slowed at the sound, glancing toward the door, then shot up out of her chair so fast the plate nearly toppled, still chewing hard, swallowing in one determined gulp.

"Felix!"

Felix let out a faint smile, crossing toward her slowly. "Enjoying yourself here, I see."

"Yes. I was empty. I have not eaten properly in days." Dune replied.

"Why's that? Weren't you here the whole time? Barbara told me you were having a good time with Diana."

"Yes, but that was only right after I woke up. We talked a lot, for a few days. Then Hakimi said we needed to go somewhere." She nodded to herself, as she tried to remember what happened. "He said we needed a quiet place to train properly. He took me to an open grass field. We sat side by side, and he covered me in a sphere of water, told me to concentrate. If the sphere shattered, that meant I failed, and I had to try again. I failed many times, again and again. I was exhausted. Empty. But he said no, I had to keep trying."

Felix came closer as she spoke, something inside him becoming loose at the same time, and real relief started to settle. He stood in front of her. "Dune."

"Yes." She stopped mid-sentence at once.

"Don't you have anything to say to me?"

"Yes. Where were you? Are you all right? You were hurt—"

"Why aren't you angry with me?" The words escaped before he could stop them. "Why aren't you asking why I brought you into a job I couldn't even handle? Why I kept fighting instead of running when I should have. I put your life in danger."

"Why would I be angry? We are supposed to be together. The enemy was simply strong."

"No, that's not it. I knew everything going in. I saw the warnings. I knew exactly what was coming, and I ignored all of it anyway. I went there for myself. Because I wanted to prove Orin wrong. Because I wanted to prove I was better than Anthony." His voice quivered a little. "You had no reason to be there at all. I dragged you into it."

Dune looked at him in silence, frowning a little. "I do not understand."

"You have to..." Felix's voice was barely audible. "You have to understand. I failed you. The person who dragged you in there wasn't really me. I let him take over. I kept lying, to myself, to you, to Anthony, to everyone around me. I thought I was actually changing, that I could keep pretending long enough it'd become true. And instead I proved Anthony right. That I'd end up hurting someone else the same way, sooner or later. And I did." His voice cracked. "Don't you understand, Dune. I was using you. Avoiding you. I never once wanted an actual relationship with you, not really. I just wanted you close, something to keep by my side, a way to keep lying to myself about what happened to Grandpa. I never—"

Slap!

Felix froze abruptly, still with his mouth open.

"I do not understand any of that." Dune's tone remained calm and even. "Sabrina does. And I want to understand it too. I know how you felt about your grandfather's death. I listened to all of it. I know you are afraid of yourself. I know you are far stronger than you let yourself appear, and that you choose to hold that back. I know you are afraid of losing control the same way you did when he was alive." Her eyes never left his. "I am not afraid of you. I will never be afraid of you. I will keep trying anyway. I want you to do the same. You may see me however you want. You may take me wherever you want. You may put me in whatever danger you want. I will never be angry at you for it." Her voice never faltered. "Stop trying to control everything, Felix."

"You don't—" he broke off abruptly, but still he managed a small, tired smile despite all of that. "Look at you. Finally telling me what to do."

"Yes," Dune replied.

"Same as ever." Felix let out a faint laugh and pulled her into a tight hug. "Thank you for telling me what to do."

"I will tell you again." Dune wrapped her arms around him in return. A flash of pitch-black space passed behind her eyes for half a second, gone before she could hold onto it. She pulled him tighter instead, her gaze dropping over his shoulder, and there, plain against his skin, sat two small puncture wounds.

She said nothing about it.

"I have something for you." Felix whispered in her ear, reaching into his pocket and taking out the little red earring.

"What is it?"

You would look great wearing it." He leaned closer to her left ear. "It will sting a little."

"I am very strong." She remained motionless.

Felix put the earring in carefully, and Dune embraced him even more tightly, watching the trickle of blood flowing down on the red little stone.

"There." Felix stepped away, examining it. "Very nice on you."