How to Bring Common Sense to Xianxia World

While This Seat was in secluded cultivation within my nest, about to reach the new realm of Great Ascension, everything was proceeding smoothly. Once This Seat ascends, This Seat shall bear the traces of a serpent no longer.

(Author Note: "This Seat" (本座 - Běnzuò) is a self-address term that is arrogant and formal, as if telling others that they are beneath you and should know their place.)

This Seat... will become a true dragon. Just a little bit more... just one hundred more years, and This Seat would finally ascend!

Hmph! If it were not for those pesky human cultivators, This Seat would have already ascended long ago!

Those damn human cultivators! They are like pests! The more you kill, the more they come, and the stronger ones arrive!

This Seat was once the sovereign of the Emerald River! The undisputed king!

But all of that changed. It changed about three hundred years ago...

That muscleheaded old cultivator! Xiong Potian!

That damn pest dared to meddle in This Seat’s affairs! Protect the mortals!? Why would that guy want to protect mortals?

Mortals are like bugs. They are everywhere. Even if you eat them all, more will be born! They multiply like rabbits!

This Seat merely ate a few thousand of them, and that Xiong Potian acted as if This Seat had killed his entire family!

What an unreasonable, stubborn fool!

But... despite This Seat’s power, This Seat still fell short against that damn cultivator, Xiong Potian!

There’s no helping it! Just wait! After This Seat becomes a true dragon, This Seat will return for revenge!

And it seems Heaven truly has eyes.

After a strange phenomenon occurred, This Seat was pulled into a strange hole and reappeared in this bizarre world.

To be honest, this world is like a severely damaged desolate land where spiritual qi has been completely depleted by war, catastrophe, or some apocalyptic event.

The laws of Heaven and Earth here are so strong that This Seat’s power was reduced by more than half!

The realm itself is smaller, much, much smaller than the previous one. Everything feels restricted and rigid.

But...

Where there is loss, there is also great gain.

The moment This Seat arrived in this place and tasted its mortals, This Seat discovered that the mortals here are no different from those of This Seat’s previous realm!

Even though they possess no cultivation, they still have dantians, and their souls contain some kind of sealed mystical power that resembles the ability to cultivate.

Whatever this place is, it is like a cultivation paradise for This Seat!

There are no cultivators. The mortals are weak but abundant!

If This Seat were to devour a few million of them, This Seat would surely reach the Pseudo Immortal Realm!

But... this morning, for some reason, the pillar of light that connected to This Seat’s previous realm stopped shining. When This Seat checked, it seemed that someone on the other side had sealed it.

The seal was one-way. It stopped anything from the other side from coming here, but not the other way around. This means This Seat could still go back.

Or perhaps this seal was merely a temporary measure they put in place to block the anomaly and prevent anything else from crossing over to this side.

Hmph!

This Seat needs spiritual qi to cultivate. Once This Seat has devoured enough mortals here, This Seat will destroy that seal in one strike! Then... This Seat will return and seek revenge against Xiong Potian!

Boom! Boom!

What!? What happened!? Who dares attack This Seat!?

Were those pesky mortals still foolish enough to provoke This Seat!? Even though their weapons are unable to penetrate This Seat’s scales!?

What!? Why is the water becoming more and more impure!? Those are... feces!? Those pesky mortals dare!?

This... This is intolerable!

This time, This Seat will kill them all!

....

On the sky above, the Super Hercules streaked past the target above the Mississippi River, dropping tonnes of feces onto the head of the target.

"This is Courier 1, the package has been delivered!" the pilot reported to the base.

"Affirmative. Return to base now! We have detected a large amount of rain clouds forming. It seems the target has been provoked."

As if on cue, Leviathan burst out of the river, roaring in anger as its head was covered in wet cow dung. Electricity sparked and plasma blasted across the surrounding area as it tried to vent its rage.

Suddenly, the high-pitched sound of artillery shells cutting through the air was heard.

Booom! Booom! Booom! Booom! Booom! Booom!

A barrage of heavy artillery from far away bombarded Leviathan. The blue shield shimmered to life, blocking all of the damage.

Leviathan roared once again before rushing out of the river and onto land. It charged straight toward the artillery positions, but...

Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom!

A battalion of tanks was already on its way. Hundreds of tank shells bombarded its body with precision. This time, the U.S. Army had time to prepare and plan. Coupled with the information gained from Dr. Xu Chenguang, the U.S. military was finally beginning to show its power.

Seeing that the pesky mortals still dared to resist, its anger rose. Electricity began to gather around its horns, but because of the feces and impure qi entering its body, Leviathan could not use its power to the fullest.

"It’s charging! Focus fire!" the tank captain shouted through the radio as all the tanks immediately concentrated their fire on Leviathan’s head.

Specifically, its horns. The horns were the symbol of ascension into a true dragon. Focusing fire there, even if the shield held, would surely disrupt its concentration!

Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom!

The bombardment from the tank shells thundered throughout the area. Coupled with the heavy artillery barrage, the charging process took much longer than usual, and the shield absorbed a tremendous amount of damage. This time there were simply too many guns and too much firepower focused on it, on top of the weakening effect of the impure qi.

Roaaarrrrr!

Leviathan roared once again. This time, it poured all of its power into the attack, causing the shield to weaken further. The constant flickering was a clear sign that it was being heavily strained.

Zaaaaaap! Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom!

The thunderstorm answered its call, and bolts of lightning rained down from the sky, striking the tank battalion. Tanks exploded and were quickly reduced to twisted wreckage. Soldiers lost their lives, but the time they bought with their sacrifice was not in vain.

The artillery bombardment continued relentlessly, weakening the shield even further. Then the thunderstorm paused as the impure qi began invading Leviathan’s meridians. It needed to expel the impure qi somehow.

A B-2 streaked above the clouds before diving down and dropping its package.

Booooooom!

The MOAB detonated in midair at the exact same height as the Leviathan’s eyes.

For a moment, the sky disappeared behind a blinding flash. A massive fireball bloomed around the creature’s head, followed by a shockwave that rippled through the clouds and rattled the air for miles.

The Leviathan’s barrier held.... but the flicker and cracked was started to appear.

Even though.... the blast couldn’t break through it. Neither could the fragments or the pressure.

But the heat.... however, was another story.

The fireball washed over the shield and lingered for a fraction of a second. Trapped beneath its scales, flesh, muscle and organs absorbed temperatures that no living thing was meant to endure. The barrier could stop force, but it couldn’t keep the heat out.

The Leviathan jerked violently. What inside protect behind the enduring scale was cooked inside.

The agonizing roar was heard for miles as the Leviathan thrashing on the battlefield.

The sound rolled across the battlefield like thunder, loud enough to shake windows dozens of miles away.

For the first time since the creature appeared, a human weapon had managed to hurt it.

This Seat... This Seat was hurt!? Hurt by those pesky human weapons!?

Arrrrgrgghh!

Leviathan roared, trying to find its way in the darkness as its eyes had been completely cooked blind. It no longer had the power to maintain its shield.

The artillery immediately resumed its barrage the moment the commander noticed that the target was still able to move. But... the shield no longer activated.

At the command center, the field commander noticed the absence of the shield and immediately spoke into the communications line.

"Overlord to Spearhead. The shield is down. Proceed with the final phase."

"Roger that!" the response came through the speaker.

About 100 miles to the south, in the Gulf of America, Spearhead, the XDDG-2 experimental railgun destroyer, floated on the water. Its gun elevated and adjusted its angle.

The AI onboard began calculating the wind, velocity, distance to the target, and the curvature of the Earth. The calculations took about fifteen seconds before they were completed.

Boooom!

The railgun roared to life. A tungsten round was fired from the barrel at an incredible speed of Mach 7.

On the battlefield, Leviathan was entangled with sonic weapons and a reserve tank battalion that was trying to halt its advance.

Sqluesh!!!!

A massive amount of blood burst into the air.

Leviathan’s neck was blown apart.

Its head crashed onto the ground, its cooked and blinded eyes filled with utter disbelief.

It lost to mortals!?

That was its final thought before the abyss claimed its consciousness.