His Rui

Xi Ying obviously heard Li Rui's words.

The shock he could sense in that soft voice made him confused. It was only when he opened his eyes and looked at his wife's face did Xi Ying started to realize something.

Only then did he notice how stilled her body was and Xi Ying couldn't help but try to remember if he had confessed the feelings he had for his wife to her ever before.

And surprisingly, he couldn't really remember any such moment from the past.

Xi Ying himself was shocked.

How could this be possible!

Inside his heart, he couldn't even count how many times he had confessed to Li Rui but verbally he had never done this before.

However, that was not what was important at this moment. At the same time, that was not the thing he could concentrate on at this moment.

It was Li Rui's shock and her stilled body that attracted most of the attention.

His arms around her waist tightened as he remembered that she had just asked him why he loved her.

"Do I need any reason to love you?"

He whispered gently while caressing her cheek. His other hand stroked her waist gently. He didn't like when she was so still inside her arms…as if she feared him or didn't like his touch.

Or perhaps something else was going on inside her mind at this moment.

He couldn't find out. He didn't have anyway. The only thing that he could do at this moment was to calm her down.

Making her look into his eyes, he tried to pour out all of his feelings in this first confession.

"When I look at you, I feel that there is really something here."

He said while putting Li Rui's hand on his chest.

"You know, Rui. Four years ago, when I have seen you on that night of banquet…I was mesmerized by these clean black pair of eyes."

His fingers caressed the skin under her eyes softly and Li Rui couldn't help but close her eyes at the gentle touch.

"They held the calmness I had never seen. They …they made me feel as if I have found something that I was constantly looking for."

"That night, I made love to you because I really loved you."

Xi Ying somehow hesitated to mention the things that happened after that. He didn't want to ruin the atmosphere. However, it was something that he should do if he was clearing the things.

"When I had come out of the room, I had every intention of marrying you and making you the happiest woman in all of the four Empires. However, when I came to know that you were from Li Clan, I started to overthink. I thought that it could be just a plan of General Li to make me marry you as he had put forward a marriage proposal just a day ago …a proposal I had refused to accept back then."

Xi Ying gulped. His eyes were filled with guilt and regret as he continued

"I…I felt that you wanted to use me to save your clan and I couldn't bear that. Still, I investigated everything after coming to Xi Manor, however, I had never thought that my own shadow guard would lie to me and say that it was you who bought the aphrodisiacs from the brothel. I was very angry but then again when my shadow guard told me that General Li was thinking of marrying you…"

Xi Ying paused for a moment amidst his words and then continued

"…to someone, I couldn't bear it. I didn't want to see you with any other man. I wanted you to stay in Xi Manor as my wife only."

"When I came to know that you were pregnant with our child, I was very happy. I wanted to set everything right between us and forget the past. However, the butler told me back then about you isolating yourself inside your courtyard during your pregnancy as if you never wanted to let anyone know that you were with my child. I thought that you didn't want this child."

"I waited that evening with our child in my arms for you. I wanted you to come and say that you really wanted us …our child and me. However, a day, then a month, and soon a year passed but you never came to see me."

Li Rui's eyes were teary as she remembered how she had cried alone inside her room when she couldn't see her child that day. She shook her head unconsciously and whispered softly

"I wanted the child…"

"I know…"

Xi Ying said immediately. His finger pressed upon Li Rui's lips and he said with pain-filled eyes.

"You don't need to explain anything. I know …it is just I came to know about the truth after a very long time."

His eyes went red with all the emotions that he was feeling at that moment. Anger at himself, pain for whatever they have lost …especially when he knew that that the loss was much more in some other life.

"I have done mistakes, Rui. I have done many mistakes. It must be difficult for you to forgive me. However, I am very grateful that you still decided to give us a chance."

Xi Ying whispered and rested his head on Li Rui's forehead again. Both of them have their eyes opened as they looked at each other.

He couldn't help but want to kiss her again so he pecked her already swollen lips softly again.   

His lips trembled and a tear slid down from his closed eyes as the memory of Rui, full of blood in his arms flashed inside his mind.

After that night, he could never sleep without Li Rui. If he tried, he would always wake up from those horrible nightmares. He would go and find her immediately.                   

When he opened his eyes, they were more intense than before as he looked at the woman in his arms. 

"For your one glance, I can do anything…even if it is destroying this whole Empire."