Heart of Darkness

Who was this man? Why was he suddenly behaving like this? Angelica didn't know whether to be comforted or confused. He called her beautiful and said that people would envy him because she would be… his. 

Would they? Suddenly she lost track of her thoughts. It became too much with all the feelings going through her so she shut her eyes and took a deep breath not caring what that would make her look like. 

When she opened her eyes again, Lord Rayven was still watching her, as if afraid she would faint. Did he know how she was feeling? 

"Shall we go back home?" He asked. 

Home? That would never be her home unless she was married to him. 

She shook her head. "I am alright." She said.. 

They couldn't go back now. She had already damaged his reputation. For the wedding not to happen, would make him look worse. 

Releasing her hand he leaned back. Angelica already missed the warmth and the comfort of holding onto something. But his gaze… this was the first time he looked at her for so long. She wished she could know what was going through his mind. 

"I will be fine once we arrive. Don't worry My Lord." She couldn't let herself embarrass him and herself. 

"I am not worried but you seem to be." He said. 

"I just haven't met people since I …" Since she was branded. She didn't know how people would react to her presence. 

His face tensed again. "They will judge you. Look at you the wrong way, whisper about you, call you names, make assumptions, and maybe even makeup stories about you." He tilted his head. "But it is all because they envy you. Women want to be like you, and men want to be with you. They won't admit it to themselves of course. It will hurt their pride. So they will try to convince themselves that they don't by using your situation as an excuse to not want to be you or with you." 

Angelica blinked surprised. This was the most he had ever said to her and she was strangely comforted. People would try to look down on her because they envied her. Not because they were truly repulsed. 

Suddenly he smiled and turned to look outside. It wasn't a smile of happiness. One corner of his mouth was more lifted than the other and there was a slight shake of his head followed by it. 

She would think it was disbelief but she couldn't understand why it would be. 

For the rest of the journey, they sat quietly. He watched the road and she watched him. She realized that his scars looked more healed than she had ever seen. There were no open or fresh wounds. He had said that he had scarred himself. She wanted to ask more about that but didn't, thinking that it was a sensitive topic. There was so much she didn't know about this man. So much confusion about him. 

Suddenly he shifted his gaze and met hers. She froze. 

"You are staring." He stated. 

"I am sorry." She said averting her gaze at once. 

"I don't mind." He went back to watch the road. "Look closely."

But Angelica didn't. She looked outside and watched the road instead. How far or close was she to arriving at the place where her life would change? Where was this road taking her? A good place or a bad place? Or neither? Perhaps she would only be met with emptiness. Her existence only having meaning and her heart only finding joy when her brother was near. 

This was the life she saw for herself right now. 

Abruptly, the carriage stopped and Angelica's heart skipped a beat. They had arrived. With panic, she looked over at Lord Rayven. He said nothing, but the calm look in his eyes helped her calm down a little. 

The door to the carriage opened and Lord Rayven stepped outside first. Then he offered her his hand. Holding her dress in the other hand she stepped outside.

When she looked up and saw all the people waiting outside, she froze in place. Her legs became numb as her eyes scanned the crowd who looked over at them curiously, waiting for them to walk down the red carpet and up to where the pastor was waiting. She couldn't even rejoice at the fact that the place was so beautifully decorated with white flowers and ribbons decorated along the passage. From the preparation, she could feel that Lord Quintus treated her no less than any other bride. 

A gentle squeeze on her hand made her turn to Lord Rayven. He gazed into her eyes in a reassuring way. 

"Are you ready?" He asked. 

She nodded. Taking a deep breath she looked ahead. She had nothing to fear or be ashamed of. These people didn't know her, nor did they matter to her so their thoughts didn't matter to her as well. 

Lord Rayven led her down the red carpet and Angelica could see that her brother who had arrived with another carriage stood among the crowd now. He gave her a cheerful smile which gave her some courage. 

Angelica tried not to look at the other people even though she could feel their eyes on her. She looked ahead at the pastor waiting at the end of the road. Near the end, she could also see the Lords standing divided on each side. 

His Majesty was not among them. 

A few whispers made her confidence waver but she did her best to conceal it and hold her head high. When they neared the end the pastor smiled and motioned for them where to stand. 

"Blessings and merry meet. Gentle lords and ladies, we are here today to join Lord Rayven and Lady Davis together. They have asked you here to share in their joy, and to declare their love for one another before you." The pastor began. 

Declare their love? 

The pastor turned to Lord Rayven. "Lord, are you here on this day in pledged troth of your own free will and choice?" 

"Yes," Lord Rayven replied. 

Then he turned to her. "Lady, are you here on this day in pledged troth of your own free will and choice?" 

"Yes," she replied. 

"In as much as this Noble Lord and Lady have pledged their troth to be married this day, we call upon Heaven to bless this union. Therefore, if any can show just cause why they should not be joined, by God's Law, then let them speak now, or else keep silent thereafter forever."

A long silent moment followed, where the wind and the trees were the only things that could be heard. No one objected to their marriage. Or no one dared to speak up even if they did. 

"There being no objection to this marriage let us continue." The pastor spoke. 

Oh, Lord. This was happening now. She trembled slightly as they turned to face each other instead of the pastor. She looked at her hand which he still held, but she was too numb to feel his touch now. 

"Do you Lord Rayven take Lady Davis as your wife and pledge unto her before God and these witnesses to be her protector, defender and sure resort, to honor and sustain her, in sickness and in health, in fair and in foul, with all your worldly powers, to cherish and forsaking all others, keep you only unto her so long as you both shall live?"

It became silent again and Angelica waited in dread for his reply. When she felt his hand slightly shake she looked up and saw his eyes red as if he was going to cry. 

His gaze wavered the way his hand shook. Perhaps he was hit by the reality of this and was now changing his mind. Abandoning her in front of everyone. 

"I do." He said getting rid of her fears. 

"Do you Lady Davis take unto yourself the Noble Lord Rayven to be your rightful husband and pledge unto him before God and these witnesses to honor and cherish him, to cleave unto him in sickness and in health, in fair and in foul, be his one true and lasting counselor and solace, and forsaking all other, keep you only unto him so long as you both shall live?"

Honor and cherish him? Was she going to lie in front of God and everyone? Was this perhaps why he also hesitated? There was no honor in this and to promise to cherish him… she wasn't sure. She was afraid of people after all. Afraid of giving herself to anyone. 

Feeling a sour taste in her mouth for being dishonest she replied, "I do." 

"Heavenly Father, bless these rings which Lord Rayven and Lady Davis have set apart to be visible signs of their bond which unites their hearts. As they give and receive these rings." 

The pastor presented them with the rings. Lord Rayven took the ring and placed it on her finger without saying his lines, almost as if he was in a rush. Angelica looked at her hand. The ring fit perfectly around her finger. 

Now it was her turn. She took the ring and placed it on his finger, also without saying anything. It would be a lie anyway. 

'Receive and wear this ring as a symbol of my trust, my respect, and my love for you' was the line both were supposed to say before giving each other the rings. 

Her trust and love she had given to people before. It didn't end well. 

They looked at each other, holding hands. Angelica saw different emotions in his red eyes than what she was used to seeing. She couldn't see the hollow emptiness that was always there. Instead, many emotions swirled on the surface, threatening to erupt. 

Now, it felt like he held her hands to find support instead of the other way round and she gave him a gentle squeeze and a slight smile to reassure him in return. 

Her gesture surprised him. His eyes widened before he did something she would never imagine. He returned her smile. A genuine smile, with no hidden intentions or meaning. She couldn't believe it but she certainly hoped to see more of it. 

"I now proclaim you Lord Rayven and Lady Davis, husband and wife. You may kiss the bride." 

Angelica should have panicked but instead, knowing that after all her first kiss was close to what she expected, for it to be in a respectful manner where she sealed her marriage made her feel good. She was glad that even if it was a kiss, it hadn't been stolen from her. Taken against her will. 

With a pounding heart she gazed up at him, their hands still entwined. But the smile on her face died when slowly the cold and empty look in his eyes returned as he took a step forward. Angelica didn't get a chance to think of what that could mean before he leaned down and pressed his lips against hers. 

Her eyes shut on their own, her body tensed and her hold on his hands tightened as if to prepare herself but she was taken by surprise by how soft and warm his lips felt against hers. Her heart fluttered. The heat from his mouth capturing hers seemed to reach inside her, taking away the coldness she had been feeling and making her knees feel weak. 

His hold on her hand tightened as well and his lips trembled against hers before he pulled away with a shaky breath sooner than she hoped. Angelica was out of breath and her cheeks burned as she opened her eyes and met his gaze. 

He was shaken. She was paralyzed.