Heart of Darkness

Angelica watched Lord Rayven walk up the stairs. For the first time, she had seen hurt in his eyes except for the sadness and pain she saw from time to time. Otherwise, his eyes were mostly dark, cold, and empty. As if something inside him had died. 

She knew she had come to a dangerous man. Not in the sense that people thought but much more dangerous. She had always sensed that he was trouble and she had been curious but now being here with him she definitely didn't like the trouble part. Especially not after last night. 

After locking herself in some dark dusty room, she had been awake almost the whole night. At first, she was scared but the more she thought and tried to understand what happened the calmer she became. 

He had wanted her heart? She had not been sure if he literally meant her heart. She had pondered on the meaning so much that her head had hurt and then she came to the conclusion that it didn't matter. If she was going to die she might as well die trying than giving up and going back to that place. And if he meant to kill her then why didn't he? 

What made him hesitate but also why would he suddenly want to kill her? 

There was something missing that she didn't know and she surely didn't understand now when he spoke about needing her heart again. He needed it to get his back? It made no sense. 

From what she understood from their conversation he would get his heart back by taking hers. It was as if he didn't have a heart. The more she thought about it the more she became sure he couldn't mean literally. 

This had to be a facade to scare her away. He was a monster who took people's hearts to grow back his own. Did he get the idea from a book and now he wanted her to run scared? It was a bad idea. 

What he didn't understand was that she came running from people who wanted something worse than her heart. She would rather give her heart than what those other people wanted to take. That was always her thought until she thought of William. She couldn't leave him alone in this world. 

Angelica watched Lord Rayven disappear around the corner. She realized he hadn't changed his damp clothes from last night. He would get sick but perhaps that was his aim. He seemed to want pain. First, it was what he did to his face, and now eating breakfast the way he did. That must have hurt a lot. She was still shaken by his behavior. Something told her he was twisted in some way. That wasn't normal behavior. 

Did that have to do with him wanting death? She had read it in his poems and now he said he was doomed to live forever. Why was that a bad thing? 

From her understanding, he wanted to die. 

He couldn't. She needed him alive even though she felt bad for using him. 

He was right about the things he said. She did think that no other woman would accept him which was horrible of her to assume and offensive to him. She did come with the intention to save herself with no regard to how that would make him feel. When did she become this person? Yes, she had been desperate to save herself but it was still horrible and him saying it out loud made her realize just how bad it was. 

It hurt, even more, when he spoke about his reputation being stained. It surely would with her by his side but had she cared about that? This was terrible and she wished she could have done things a little bit differently. She of all people should have known how bad it feels to be used. 

If she had at least come to him thinking that he liked or that she liked him, it would have been a bit different. But no. She just came empty-handed and expected him to accept her like she was someone no one could deny. Perhaps all those men following her got to her head and made her think highly of herself and look down on him. Lord, was that what she did? 

Perhaps that was why she felt hurt when he called her 'any woman'. Of course, she was any woman to him. What made her special? They were strangers. Besides, did she even want to be something more? Many things were disturbing about this man and he seemed damaging to himself let alone her. 

She wiped away the tear that fell down her cheek. She had already known things would be difficult. It was only to keep moving and trying. At least now he had stopped trying to throw her out. 

Angelica took the dishes to the kitchen and tried to focus on the tasks of washing and cleaning so she wouldn't think too much. She was tired of it. She would go along with things for a while and make herself useful instead. After washing the dishes, she ate the leftovers which was too much but she didn't want to throw them away. And then she checked how much food was left. It seemed like Jada had brought lots of groceries that would last for a few days. The water tank was also filled. But where was Jada?

Did she quit because of this man's temper or did something happen to her? She would have to ask Lord Rayven. 

Her heart skipped a beat at the thought of talking to him again. What kind of disaster would it be next time? First, it was disgust with who she was and then hurt because of what she was doing. 

Shaking her head she dismissed the anxiety and went back to work. She dusted off a few halls and rearranged things. She also put a few candles here and there so it wouldn't be too dark at night. Hopefully, this wouldn't make him angry. 

Then she went to the backyard. This place was dead. She didn't know much about taking care of plants so she just did what felt natural. She removed the dead parts and left the healthy ones. It had rained last night and the soil was wet so they didn't need water perhaps. A little sun would be good but the sky was covered with clouds. What a gloomy day. 

Strange noises coming from nearby caught her attention. It sounded like a carriage and horses. Who had come to visit Lord Rayven? Angelica hurried around the corner and went to the next one. She stopped and peeked from behind the wall. 

Oh no! 

It was Simu and his men. They dared to come up here. How did they know she was here? Her heart began to beat fast. What would happen now? What if Lord Rayven handed her over to them? They owned her considering the debt which she hadn't had a chance to tell him about yet. 

That was another reason to refuse her and he could get rid of her without trying this time. 

She took a few steps back afraid but bumped into something. When she turned around she found the man who had slapped her when she was abducted standing behind her. Her eyes widened in horror as he locked his fingers around her arm and took her out from behind the corner. 

"Here she is!" he called and the other men turned around to look at her. A smile curved Simu's lips. 

A worse disaster than the one she feared earlier.